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2 Bumps

Everyone left and left me with the mess???

Is it rude to come and spend the night at someones house and leave a mess??? Or should you at least offer to help clean up? Or is it the hosts resposibility???
Im not sure about what is customary.
My hubbys parents and their two younger kids (14 and 16) came wednesday night for Thanksgiving and left last night. DH and I gave up our bed for his parents to sleep in and I made beds for his brother and sister in the office, and we slept on the couch. I cooked the entire Thanksgiving dinner, cleaned, set up the table, watched my daughter(who got into everything) while everyone sat on their ass and watched the game. After all the guests left, they packed up and left too. They left a mess in every bathroom, the kids trashed the office. I asked them numerous time to pick up after themselves. MIL and I are not on the best of terms, for the actual dinner everyone dressed nice, she didnt even brush her hair, she wore jeans and an old t shirt, she didnt even put her dentures in, shes 41 and looks like shes 55. All our guests were astonished at her and DH and I were very emberassed by the fact that she acted better than everyone. Her husband couldnt even sit next to her. but thats a whole different story. anyways no one helped clean up and my hubby had to be up at 3am to go to work so he helped me put the food away and then we were both so tired that we went to bed at 7:30 pm last night. I had to clean the whole house this morning. Am I wrong for being upset?? They never even made the bed or picked up their towels off the floor.
They ignored me all day, ate all the food, insulted my parents and friends and trashe the freaking place. I am livid. I told my husband all this last night and he feels the same way and not sure whether he should say something or not. His parents always twist what you say and hold grudges for months. Should I just let it go or say something or just not invite them to the next gathering?

 
leksismommy

Asked by leksismommy at 6:02 PM on Nov. 26, 2010 in Holidays

Level 25 (22,485 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • If I were hubby I would say something to my parents about it because after all they did come to your house and totally disrespect it. I think inlaws treat their daughter in law that way because they feel like she owes them something . The fact that you married my son and I didn't have a say in who he picked as his bride is their crazy attitude towards their son's wife sometimes. Women that have great in laws should feel blessed.
    kim0167

    Answer by kim0167 at 6:21 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • I would let him say something. Who cares if they hold a grudge? They are the inconsiderate ones.

    We never leave a place in a mess. It is an honor that they host our butts in the first place so why would we disrepect them by leaving them to clean it all up?
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 6:05 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • i probably wouldnt invite them to another gathering. i would never do that to the host
    meagan678

    Answer by meagan678 at 6:07 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • I would certainly invite them to a meal-and offer to reserve a motel room close by for them to stay in! Ask them to please not show up until 30 min before you plan on serving the meal-and push them out the door shortly after. You don't have to be any one's doormat; but they are still his family and he has a right to include them in your holiday meals if he wants them there. As for your mother in law; there is no need for you to be embarrassed for her-she obviously doesn't care about what anybody thinks and it doesn't reflect on you in any way.
    MamaAlice54

    Answer by MamaAlice54 at 6:17 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • He should definitly say something about them leaving a mess. Also I would make other plans for next Thanksgiving. I would not let myself be walked all over again. Guests or no guests, everyone who is capale should help clean up, wash dishes & serve food too. When I do a Holiday everyone helps me & when they leave, I just have to put away the clean dishes & vacuum.
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 6:09 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • Turnabout is fair play. Let them host next year and do unto others as they did unto you! Or take the high road and just tell them what you think & hope it works out in the end. Sounds like they were trying to start trouble.
    cheeseit

    Answer by cheeseit at 6:10 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • He needs to say something about it. It doesn't have to be rude. Just an offhand well thanksgiving was nice but, man I had to spend the rest of the weekend cleaning up. I wouldn't host for them anymore either. If they bring it up just repeat that its lovely having company but not worth it since some of the people couldn't clean up after themselves.
    TaraK.

    Answer by TaraK. at 6:12 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • if you say something and they twist it like you said they do, it would just make you more mad. im sure they are VERY aware of what they DID NOT do. i wouldnt leave them out of family things, but id sure cut back on what i invite them to.
    mohme2three

    Answer by mohme2three at 6:14 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • How inconsiderate it makes you think about how people are raised so sad Is it even worth cooking and helping other people when you are always left to bust your butt and clean? *sigh* I to have had this problem and sad to say I might not do Thansgiving here next year so not worth the headaches.... ((HUGS))
    Truelove77

    Answer by Truelove77 at 6:15 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • Don't say anything to them about their inconsiderate actions this year, and don't invite them to your house next Thanksgiving. Consider this a lesson (though you probably knew the outcome before they even arrived).

    And next time you host a family dinner, tell a few families in advance that you'd like them on clean-up duty.

    All my sister's family do is sit around and watch the game while everyone else pitches in to clean the dishes and tidy up. Pisses me right off, so next year I'm going to tell her not to bother bringing a dish to the pot-luck as long as she helps the rest of us out after the meal...
    GoodyBrook

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 6:16 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

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