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Has anyone else never lost someone they were really close to?

I've been EXTREMELY lucky and fortunate in my life to never have lost anyone that I was close to.

I've had 3 of my grandparents die, but for 2 I was really young, and my other Grandpa, I didn't know that well, but it was still hard.

It scares me so much, because I'm afraid when I eventually do lose someone, (like my parents), that I won't be able to deal with it, and I know it's inevitable that I WILL eventually lose someone. I am SO close to them, and the thought of one of them being gone literally almost takes my breath away. It hurts so much to even imagine it. I honestly fear that I'll go crazy one day when it happens because I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle something like that. It's just unimaginable. My mom says that I'll go on because of my children.

HOW do you EVER prepare yourself for something like that? It's always in the back of my mind, but I don't let myself think about it because it scares me so much. I've even contemplated going to therapy when they're older to try to prepare myself, but is it even possible to prepare for something such as that? :(

And lastly, am I weird for being so afraid of losing them? Does anyone else feel this way or have this fear?

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LovingSAHMommy

Asked by LovingSAHMommy at 9:21 PM on Nov. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Level 40 (115,957 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • I have, I lost my dad unexpectedly and he left a big void, but I fear not, for I have no control on who dies and who doesn't.
    older

    Answer by older at 9:24 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • I have, I lost my dad unexpectedly and he left a big void, but I fear not, for I have no control on who dies and who doesn't. "

    See, that's what DOES scare me...that I have no control. :sigh: :(
    LovingSAHMommy

    Comment by LovingSAHMommy (original poster) at 9:27 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • No, you're not weird, you're normal to have these feelings. I know exactly how you feel (except that I have suffered close losses already) That just makes you fear it even more sometimes. Hospice offers free counseling & who better to prepare you than them? Your mom is right about being stronger for your kids, but that doesnt mean you wont have your moments that you dont feel like doing "mom" things. Try to cherish all the time & priceless moments you have now & try not to focus on the what if's. (easier said than done I know)
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 9:32 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • my mother died very suddenly of a massive heart attack. i was not prepared (she was only 46yo)...i was in college and my dad told me while i was at work. of course i was devastated, but i took a week off of work, planned the funeral, etc. and then had to go back and take my finals. imo there's not really any way to prepare for something like that....everyone dies sometime. it still hurts and i still miss her after 8 years of being gone. she never saw me graduate from college, never saw me get married, never saw any of her grandkids.... it's sad, but not the end of the world. i think losing a child would be much worse because you expect your parents to die at some point, but you hope (god willing) that your kids will outlive you.  i guess my advice is just don't worry about it so much and enjoy them while they're still here!

    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 9:32 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • No, you're not weird, you're normal to have these feelings. I know exactly how you feel (except that I have suffered close losses already) That just makes you fear it even more sometimes. Hospice offers free counseling & who better to prepare you than them? Your mom is right about being stronger for your kids, but that doesnt mean you wont have your moments that you dont feel like doing "mom" things. Try to cherish all the time & priceless moments you have now & try not to focus on the what if's. (easier said than done I know) "

    Thank you! I do always try to focus on the present. I do a decent job, but occasionally, especially around the freakin' holidays, lol, I get all emotional and everything. I just love them SO much.They are truly two of my best friends, and all I've ever known is being close to them. I know no life without them near me. I can honestly say, typing this, is the first time I have ever cried on Cafemom.
    LovingSAHMommy

    Comment by LovingSAHMommy (original poster) at 9:35 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • I used to feel the same way as you but I lost my father almost 3 years ago and I survived.  It is hard and it hurts but you do get through it. 

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 9:37 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • . i think losing a child would be much worse because you expect your parents to die at some point, but you hope (god willing) that your kids will outlive you."

    Omg. That would be worse than anything in the entire world. And I mean anything. THAT is something I will not even allow myself to think about. I would rather die myself than to lose my son.

    Gosh, I'm sorry. This post is a real downer, lol.
    LovingSAHMommy

    Comment by LovingSAHMommy (original poster) at 9:37 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • Yes....too many people. Grandparents, parents,friends, miscarriage,. I don't know if you ever ever get over the losses.
    kerp1960

    Answer by kerp1960 at 9:39 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • I have lost many people that I loved it was heart breaking and I still miss them but I do not fear losing loved ones. I live my life and love my friends and family for as long as I have them.
    KyliesMom5

    Answer by KyliesMom5 at 9:40 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • I lost my brother. He committed suicide seven and a half years ago. He was 17, I was 15. It seems crazy that he has been gone for so long. I was in denial for a long time. I would think weird things like, he's not really dead, he's gone into the witness protection program. Or just run away. And that one of these days he'd turn up again. Maybe it's because I never actually saw the body. I was living with mom in TN, and he was living with Dad in WA - Dad had him cremated before we got up there. Living so far away made it easier afterward to be in denial, too. Eventually I had to face it though, and I still can't think of my brother without crying and wondering...why? where would he be if he were still alive? What would our relationship be like? Like any kids, we teased and bugged and had rivalry, but we were close. It's been incredibly hard to go through life without him. No, it's not weird to have that fear.
    FluffyMamaBunny

    Answer by FluffyMamaBunny at 9:41 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

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