Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

How do I keep from being jealous?

I helped a young mom when her DH was beating her with a baseball bat get out to a safe place. She stayed with me for a few days with her baby. She'd lost custody of her 3 yr old son for a yr because she felt she couldn't leave her DH when he shot her son in the face with a paintball gun at point blank range. She now realizes how horrible that choice was and is on her way to getting her son back in the spring of next year.
One reason she didn't leave him sooner was she had no childcare for her 3 mo old baby (now 4 mo). Since the day he hit her with the bat I have been babysitting for her free of charge - so that she wouldn't be tempted to go back to him for fear of losing her job. I encouraged her to pick up as many hours as she could for the holidays (she works at walmart) to earn extra money. She has and provides everything for the baby. I now have her for 3-4 days (and nights) straight with 1-2 days back with her mom. I know its a lot but it's JUST for the next 6 weeks or so. I DO NOT MIND HAVING THE BABY THIS MUCH!! She is a joy to have and I love her to pieces!! Even my DH enjoys taking her when he gets home from work and just holding her and playing with her and our kids.
We have grown very close with this mom (Tiffany) and her baby. We've been adopted as "Auntie B" and "Uncle D" and the baby's great grandparents have adopted us as grandkids. We spent an awesome Turkey day with them all and had a BLAST!
Tiffany's STBX-DH is in jail now thanks to me and her closest friend Will, a guy she works with. I saw their close friendship and set them up to show up to meet "a secret admirer" and they are now dating. She is free of the bondage her psycho STBX-DH had on her, happy, in love and financially set since she and Will are together. He is very comfortable money wise. It is no option to him. She will never have to worry about the X since Will is a retired cop with plenty of "tools" to take care of him. She will never have to worry about $ as all her needs/dreams are being met.
I am truly happy for her "fairy tale ending" and I am very much in love with my own DH, but we have to fight and struggle financially and have had to for the past 11 yrs of our lives together. We almost lost each other as we divorced in 2006 but we thankfully reconciled in 2009 and our love is very strong. I just have a little jealousy that we don't have a little breathing room financially.
How do I stop being jealous and just be happy for her? I couldn't bear to lose her and Will as friends. She has asked me to be godmother to her baby girl - and I am delighted.

Answer Question
 
Babylove76

Asked by Babylove76 at 1:54 AM on Nov. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Level 21 (10,227 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • god bless you. You reap what you sow, remember that.
    SavanaF.

    Answer by SavanaF. at 2:29 AM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • It's SO hard being buried in debt, or just struggling with the day to day expenses. Believe me, I know!! Trust that times will get better. It's hard to not be jealous of someone when their life seems to be going perfectly and yours is not. All you can do is deal with your own issues about it. I totally agree with SavanaF. What goes around comes around, karma, you reap what you sow, whatever phrase you like, you've done something wonderful and selfless here, and you will get yours in return at some point. Try to push past the jealousy. I know it can be tough, but you and your friend deserve it! =)
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 2:58 AM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • I whole heartedly agree with SavanaF- You reap what you sow. You have been a God send to her in her time of need and helped her along. You have also gained respect and friendships from her family it seems. Be proud that you were able to help her in the right direction. God bless you!
    mommy_bink

    Answer by mommy_bink at 3:04 AM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • Thank you ladies! I have been blessed by this too! I was Tiffany once and didn't have anyone to help me at all. I ended up homeless for several months with a baby and one on the way! I love the warm embrace her mom, and grandparents give me thanking me for giving them their "Tiffany back!" It gives me a great feeling inside!
    Babylove76

    Comment by Babylove76 (original poster) at 3:08 AM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • NEVER envy what someone else has as you NEVER know what goes on behind their closed doors. Also, look at everything you do have. Compare your life to someone homeless and you will see just how rich you are. And Savana is right ! You get what you give. It may not come at a time you feel is right, but it will come. Situations and circumstance change and evolve in life and how would you feel if Tiffany developed cancer or Will died in a car wreck. All of a sudden your life appears to be a peach and you hate that you felt that jealousy. Also, something you need to think about. Alot of Tiffany's new found " wealth of life" couldn't have taken place without you. You were a link in that chain of events. You should be proud of what YOU did. Also sometimes jealousy can be a good thing. It inspires us to be more, to do more and sometimes to have more. Use it to your advantage :)
    MSUDawgMom

    Answer by MSUDawgMom at 3:14 AM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • I agree with the other ladies. Push away the jealousy and let in the pride you should feel for helping to connect her to a better life. Without you, she probably couldn't have gotten where she is now. You did a great, selfless thing keeping her from what you had to go through on your own when you were homeless. It is not easy to always be struggling, but it sounds like you have a lot of love between you and your DH. I think that is better than monetary wealth, IMHO. :)
    Chocolatespring

    Answer by Chocolatespring at 3:44 AM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • Just do it for the baby. you can put your mind to it.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 4:01 AM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • You guys are right - I have so many blessings: a wonderful loving DOTING DH that I am madly in love with and grateful to have a 2nd chance with, awesome and wonderful kids who are amazing and you can never ever put a price on that!! I just wish we had a little breathing room and didn't have to worry about money (or the lack thereof) for once!
    Thank you for reminding me of my blessings!
    Babylove76

    Comment by Babylove76 (original poster) at 7:06 AM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • Yes sometimes a little bit of jealousy can creep in when you see people who 'have it all'. When that happens you need to push that jealousy away and count your blessings instead. You also need to remember that you have a kind and generous heart, full of love, care and compassion--and thanks to you Tiffany and her baby have a much better life and now a new chance at love and happiness with Will. And thru your kindness you have gained a whole new extended family to be a part of and love.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 1:21 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Do not want. Walk around your life and start counting your blessings. You have been such an angel in this girls life and she is safe now. Pray that she will never be in that situation again where money is an issue. We go through fazes in our life and maybe more money will come to you guys too. Maybe you can go through some of your finances and see what you are spending your money on...is it really needed? Why are you really spending it on whatever and ask yourself if you really need it. Do some shopping around..make some adjustments...you might come out with a little more. Sounds like you have everything right there at home though. :)
    Momforhealth

    Answer by Momforhealth at 1:34 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.