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my husband's grandfather passed away this morning :(

and he seems to just be numb to it. first of all, when i woke up this morning and went to have my morning coffee and cig, i checked my facebook and found out the news via his uncle's status. i wasn't sure what to do, did he already know and just not tell me? either way i told him and he did not know. im peeved that he found out by facebook and his mom didn't have the decency to call him. it had already been 5 hours since his passing. anyway he said he'd wait til someone called him, he went back to the room and watched tv. i heard him laughing at what he was watching. his grandpa was his father figure, his dad wasn't much of anything and left when he was a child. it didn't really come as surprise, he had been dealing with cancer for years and was just in agony these past few months. we're all happy he no longer suffers but the death of a family member is always heart wrenching. i told him to call off of work and go be with his grandma and mom, and he went in anyway. i realize that maybe keeping busy at work is his way of dealing with his pain, but i don't want him to deal with this at work. the passing of your grandpa is a valid excuse to not go in. but he does have tomorrow off and he only works 5 hours today.

not to mention, his mom told us not to come over on Thanksgiving. he was not doing well then but I knew we should've gone anyway. i didn't press to go but deep down i was saddened that he couldn't spend time with his family on TG. now i'm wondering if guilt rips his heart apart for not going over there despite his mom telling us not to. he hadn't seen his grandpa for a few months before that, with his work schedule and his grandpa being in and out of the hospital there just wasn't any time.

how can i help him deal with this? he really seemed to be okay when he left for work, in good spirits and everything. i hate the thought of him sulking around the office just swallowed by misery. i wish he'd have stayed home and went to mourn with his family. i went down this exact path 3 years ago when my grandpa passed, and all i wanted was to be surrounded by family. :(


Asked by tnm786 at 10:47 AM on Nov. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Level 43 (159,608 Credits)
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Answers (4)
  • I am so sorry for your family's loss. Everyone handles the stages of grief in their own way and in their own time...and the best thing you can do for your husband his give him a big hug, tell him you love him and that you are there for him if he needs to talk or grieve. Then give him space (if he needs it) and let him seek you out if he needs you.

    Answer by MizLee at 2:27 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • There's nothing you really can do...everyone grieves differently, and maybe being at work and around coworkers would help stepdad died 8 years ago, and I threw myself into my school (high school) and my friends..I couldn't stand all the phone calls, having to relive the moment we found out every's hard, and even though you felt like you and dh should have beenthere on thanksgiving so he could see his grandpa, it was probably for the one wants to see a parent or parent figure struggling or in he won't have to remember him that way, he'll remember him in the good times...just be there for him when he's ready to talk, and eventually he'll open up and let it out...and if his grandpa is anything like my stepdad was/is, he'll still check in on you all. I'm terribly sorry about your loss.

    Answer by mom_to_kenzie at 10:54 AM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • I am so sorry for this loss, prayers and thoughts with you all.

    Answer by older at 10:49 AM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • If his grandpa has been sick for a while then he was already aware of what was coming. He probably won't break down or it just hasn't sunk in yet.


    Answer by Shines3 at 11:38 AM on Nov. 27, 2010