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2 Bumps

Guest in my house

Okay Ladies, I need to vent. My uncle recently got a divorced and moved from California to Indiana. (I live in IN) Well, I knew prior to his arrival that he was coming to IN & I thought he had a place to stay. Well, my grandfather is sick and he has a home he owns. Three other siblings live in the home and take care of my grandfather. When my uncle from CA arrived in IN, he asked his siblings could he stay with them. They in so many words told him no. So, me and my husband allowed him to stay with us. To give you some background. My uncle had a stroke 5 years that affected his left leg (he walks with a cane) and he has problems with his memory. Okay, my background, I am a person who likes items in their place, everything has a place and everything should be in that place. My uncle noticed this and said "I don't want to disrupt your household, but I like to clean, so just leave me alone." Okay, this is just one of the situations. My uncle has this smell, so everyday I spray glade where he sleeps. My uncle's personal items sit on a old tv that I have in our living room. I walked passed the tv & just put the air freshener on top of it. The next day my uncle asked me was that his spray or mine. I politely told him mine. So he takes it and put it in my kitchen on a table. Okay, so I spray my house the next day as usual and put it back on the tv. I leave and come back home and my spray is not on the tv. So when my uncle gets in I asked where was my spray, he said he put it in his car cause I had it with his items. I felt like my uncle did that on purpose. My husband is mad at me because he felt like I over reacted. He said I should of had more compassion because of his stroke. Ladies, do you think I overacted? Like I said, this is just one situation. My husband works 2 jobs, so he's never home and he doesn't know other things taking place in the house.

 
notlott37

Asked by notlott37 at 12:32 PM on Nov. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Level 7 (173 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • I just wanted to point out that my parents went through something similar with MY uncle, my dads brother. My uncle suffered a brain annerisim and obviously needed some help after his surgery and was released from the hospital. Well , my parents being the only family left he has in his home town felt they needed to take him in mean while til he got better and was able to live on his own again. My dad being gone most the time and my mom alot like you with her house. She was not happy, and very disgusted, and angry with him by the time he left. For just everyday things, like him misplacing something of hers for example.
    I'm sure alot of it has to do with this person invading on your space. I would say yes, a little over reaction on your part. BUT I would say that you have the right to feel what you are. I know I would too!
    mommy_bink

    Answer by mommy_bink at 12:51 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • You allowed him to put HIS things on the tv then you invaded the space you gave him by putting YOUR item in his things. In my book that just sounds rude of you. You have the entire house and he has a square ft of space for his things and you won't even allow him that? That's just wrong
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:36 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • Why would you leave it where he is keeping his things? That's a little intrusive don't you think? I can see where that would be strange for him - especially if he has memory issues for a stoke. Next time just leave the glade somewhere else so as not to mix it in with his stuff. The space you have given him to keep his things is the only space he "owns" right now. I am sure this is hard for him too. But if you can't get past this then it's time for him to move on!!

    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 12:38 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • I agree, if he has memory issues, it's not his fault he accidentally took it to the car. I think you're being difficult on purpose :(
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:47 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • I don't get why you would have put it back where he things are kept in the first place? If you like to keep that ugly spray bottle on the tv, then you should have given your uncle a different place to keep his things as to not disturb your "order"! But for someone who says they like things in their place....on top of a tv in the living room doesn't sound like a tidy, unclutterd place for a spray can of glade....put it in a cupboard out of site
    Mom2Jack04

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 12:42 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • I can understand the smell issue because my stepson had awful body odor and the entire room would smell after he slept in it. But, I would open his window when he wasn't home and put an air freshener in the wall. Maybe you offended the uncle by putting the spray there. It sounds like he is invading your privacy and you're not happy with him there. Maybe you could speak with your husband to find other housing for him. I always feel that no house is large enough for relatives moving in. It disrupts the dynamic of your household and could cause you to have marital problems. I feel bad because he had a stroke, but my brother had a stroke, walks with a cane at times and works for a living and supports himself. Good luck.
    twinkletoes0408

    Answer by twinkletoes0408 at 12:42 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • Well when he put it in his car. what did you say or do to overreact?
    txdaniella

    Answer by txdaniella at 12:36 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • We do not know the other situations either. But I think you overreacted too. How long has he been there? How long is he planning on staying? If he does not have other plans, help him make them. Why didn't the other household want him?
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 12:37 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • Did you put the spray there to encourage him to use it?
    txdaniella

    Answer by txdaniella at 12:38 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • Sounds like he's sleeping on a common couch which is tough for anyone. Maybe make certain to use plenty of sheets underneat where he lays, that's all you can do.

    Maybe give him the entire space by the tv for his thing.
    txdaniella

    Answer by txdaniella at 12:41 PM on Nov. 27, 2010