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Unmotivated husband/partner bringing you down?

My husband of 10 years is a very unmotivated person. He does have afull time job but I feel like mos of the work around the house is left up to me to do. When he gets home from work ( around 11:30 at night) all he wants to do is play computer games till 3 am. He then wakes up at 11am. First thing he does is get on the comp to play till 2pm cause he starts work at 3. He works m-f. He plays even more on weekends. Doesn't want to do housework or spend time with kids 7yrs and 20 mnths. We hardly ever talk to each other, barely have sex ( maybe once a month if that). Sometimes I dream of an affair with someone else. I sometimes wonder if I got married too young. I was 18 hrs he was 30. Now with his job of 8yrs ( maintenance) he wants to go back to school to get his A.S. But he waits for me to do everything for him. School schedule, financial aid, appointments etc. I didn't sign up for this! Even though I am 10+ years younger I feel like his mom. Any advice? Please help.

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Asked by PipersDream at 2:33 PM on Nov. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (44 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • What is the question? Is my husband bringing me down? no, LOL. But then again he isnt unmotivated.

    Answer by WhitleyLyles at 2:38 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • In what way? DH is unmotivated to exercise, but I don't let it bring me down.

    Answer by musicpisces at 2:44 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • What do you think you signed up for?

    How much different is he from 10 years ago? I mean, was he all get up and go, motivated and keen then? Not because I expect the answer to be 'yes'... 10 years doesn't change men that much. The fact that you have children doesn't alter who you married anymore than re-routing the I-90 would... Men tend to stay very much who they were at 26, for the rest of their lives unless they have some kind of 'The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari' life-changing experience... which most don't.

    I think you need to stop waiting for him to be someone else and get on with it. As I told my kids a lot when they were younger, if you're doing something fun and interesting TO YOU, perhaps that will look attractive and others will join in --if they don't, at least you're doing something you're enjoying in the meantime.

    My dh has a lot of regrets --opportunities he's turned down out of habit. I don't, because I didn't.

    Answer by LindaClement at 2:59 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • Linda....I like your advice about doing something that I enjoy and maybe people will join in. That's just the thing, I'm that kind of person that gets motivated/excited when I see others doing things. He is not. I went to school, graduated this May. He says now he wants to go back to school too, but I see no drive in him. I tell him let's go to the park with the kids, he doesn't want to leave his comp game. I mention we should have date night/ hang out just him and I. He either ignores me. Or if he goes you can tell he can't wait to get home to he game. Do you think he uses the comp game as a escape? Is he depressed? Is it me?

    Comment by PipersDream (original poster) at 3:24 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • I was 18 when we got together. All that mattered at that time was partying. I was young and dumb. I thought he was older and more mature. Sadly I didn't know what mature was at that time. Just wanted to have fun. He was funny, outgoing ( around our friends) and gave me attention. I would say he wasn't that motivated, not book smart either. He ones a business with his brother but it failed three years into our relationship. He's not really good at managing people. Thinking of seeing a marriage counselor.

    Comment by PipersDream (original poster) at 3:34 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

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