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2 Bumps

Payback??

I am planning on divorcing my husband. I have been punched with a bruise on my arm that lasted longer than 3 weeks. I have been used as a verbal punching bag and am emotionally drained. We have been married going on 9 years. We have 2 boys. I have copied, coversations and pictures from his computer. He is chatting and texting and video chatting with another woman online. My payback plan is to make copies of everything, includin pictures of the bruise, the nude pictures of the other woman and the converstaion and mailing them to him, and his family. SO they know the whole truth about why the divorce is occuring. My husband cheated 3 years ago, we reconciled. He refuse to help me when my arm was in a cast and after both my C-sections. I am done and don't want my boys knowing this is how a woman is to be treated. What is your opinion about the payback. My husband is a compulsive liar and will, tear me up to his family and they will then spread it to my kids, that is why the truth needs to be heard to all. What do you think?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:16 PM on Nov. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • I wouldn't even waste any more time on him. Just let it go. Be the bigger person and move on with grace.
    Melbornj

    Answer by Melbornj at 3:20 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • I think you should save your proof for court, and let the law have justice.. It doesn't hurt that his family is aware but be warned that no matter what most family will take his side weather he is right or wrong. So is it really worth it? I'm sure you being through the abuse so have your kids.. they are also abused since they are in the same home. I had a friend that was abused and the courts deemed this child to be abused and was court ordered counseling because everything he saw. I think the best payback is getting on with your life and removing toxic people like him from it.. Did you ever call the cops when you were being abused?
    BobbieJo286

    Answer by BobbieJo286 at 3:22 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • I think payback takes a person very quickly from the position of 'victim' to the position of 'perpetrator' and people are much more likely to side with him because he's just a twit --you're suggesting doing something that is outright vicious.

    When it's all over and the dust settles, what people will remember is that he divorced someone who was clearly intentionally vile --they will not see that you felt provoked to it, but that you rolled it all up and cherished it all very carefully so you could unleash your revenge publicly. The question 'why were you still there after all that' will float across minds who may well conclude 'so you could be as diabolical as you wanted to be.'

    People get tired of stupid, but they pull away from nasty right away. If you want people to be drawn closer to you, don't do cruel things where they can see you.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 3:28 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • Divorce is a nasty thing and he will try to run your name through the dirt as well becareful I hope it works out for you.
    bhoward87

    Answer by bhoward87 at 3:31 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • Don't stoop to his level. Get revenge by being happy. That'll really irritate him.
    FroggyFeet

    Answer by FroggyFeet at 3:32 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • I'm sorry, but I think "payback" is excessively immature and stooping to his level. Save your evidence for court, but use it to hurt people who have nothing to do with this.
    hobbitswife04

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 3:39 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • I think you should save all that stuff for court. Why give them the heads up on what you know? This way they don't think you know it so he can't prepare an adequate excuse for his actions. Revenge is not really a healthy thing. Moving on and proving to him that you don't need his help to live and provide happy healthy home for you children will make him even more mad, and when you meet someone else that you can spend the rest of your life happily with will make him angry. So I say drop it and move on to bigger and better things.
    angelmine2011

    Answer by angelmine2011 at 3:41 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • How computer savvy is your husband? Could he be a step ahead of you already, by knowing that you have accessed and copied those files...what is he planning?

    I think you need to put those files in a very safe place far away from his reach and go straight to the courts. Spreading it around to his family will make him the victim and turn everything upside down for you. This revenge is a really bad idea, but leaving him is a good one!

    Payback is a nice thing to dream about, but be warned, somehow it almost ALWAYS backfires. Don't do it!

    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 5:06 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • I wouldn't do a payback. Karma is rough. I'd just pack and leave.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:46 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • It sounds like an awesome IDEA. Which is exactly what I would keep it as a fantasy I would back everything up on pendrive or jumpdrive they're relatively inexpensive and small it could easily be kept in you wallet purse hidden in with tampons..wherever you gotta hide it. I would NOT give anyone access to the information you have since ignorance is bliss especially if your soon to be ex is seriously underestimating you. Yea it may feel nice to give the information to his loved ones but it will come back and bite your ass one way or the other. You can smile like an angel and save your boys - that has to feel much better
    elyssek832

    Answer by elyssek832 at 6:28 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

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