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she loves grandma more!

My daughter is 18 months old and the center of my world. My mil and I don't see eye to eye. My daughter and I have wonderful days playing and hanging out everyday just like her and grand,a do when they are together. The only difference is that in our house there's the word no and a routine with naps and meals. At grandmas its a free for all and she gets to do whatever she wants (run around the house with crayons, bang on the computer ect) anyways. My mil ridicules me in front of my daughter for telling her no (says oh that mean mommy) im just at my wits end. I picked my daughter up to give kisses and she screamed and reached for grandma as though im a stranger!! My heaert just broke. She sees grandma once every 5 if not more weeks so I don't get it. Also she can't say grnadma so she says ma ma and I've been trying to teach her nana because I AM MA MA but noooooo. Grandma encourages her to call her ma ma. I feel like flipping out on her. My baby! What do I do??

 
randibosin

Asked by randibosin at 4:53 PM on Nov. 27, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 16 (2,855 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Teach baby to say "Grandma you are a big button pusher!" That is what grandma is. And don't think for a minute that grandma doesn't know what she is doing.

    First, hubby and you need to sit down with grandma and agree on a name that baby can say that is not ma ma.

    Next, you should not have this grandma babysit if she is going to manipulate the situation like this.

    Last, you need to hide/ignore, whatever you can to show that nothing bothers you. Don't let your mil see any reaction from you because it will only egg her on and make her worse.

    And by the way, coming from someone who knows, her tactics are pretty standard for getting under your skin. I wouldn't let her take care of the baby anymore. Your baby..your rules. Period.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 5:31 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • Have your husband calmly talk to your MIL about the ridicule and what the baby will call her. Let the other issues slide for now and start with the most important things. Get it straightened out early. GL
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 4:56 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • You and your husband need to explain together that ma-ma is your tittle. If she doesn't like nana how about Maw-Maw or Grandma? As for the being spoiled at your MIL's house nothing. That is normal and part of being a grandma/ grandchild. She doesn't really love her more she just likes being spoiled. As for the being ridiculed you need to address that. It is not okay.
    TaraK.

    Answer by TaraK. at 5:00 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • I agree that most children are spoiled at Grandma's but that crap about mean mommy needs to stop. Talk to her nicely, if she doesn't stop, make a few cracks of your own about "No, mommy is not mean, she loves you and that's what GOOD parents do." Or "Mommy loves you, that's why she says 'No' when you do something dangerous".
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 5:09 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • And I meant to say she does not love grandma more, but knows she gets her way with her. She absolutely can not live without you!! hug
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 4:58 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • If you believe your mil is an inappropriate babysitter, don't use her as a babysitter --and when you're at her home with your dd, enforce the same standards of behaviour you do at home, in the mall and at the library.

    If you want free babysitting, let go of trying to control what kind of brat your mil teachers her granddaughter to be at her house --and don't worry about it applying to your house. Kids are smart enough to figure out what flies in one place is a no-go in another.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 4:58 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • She needs to be spoken to. She is way out of line. But remember, this seems to be the age where baby prefers everyone else. If baby is really in need, you will still be her first choice. But, yeah, your mother-in-law shouldn't be allowed to get away with crap just because she is a free babysitter.
    CarriePM

    Answer by CarriePM at 5:00 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • My Kids scream when we leave my moms too. and I remember crying when I had to leave my grandma's when I was little. I think its just "Grandma's house" in general. MY mom rarely says no and lets my kids do just about whatever they want and if I say no she'll say "Oh just 1 more momma" or "it's okay they can bring it back next time". I don't worry about it...It's grandma.
    My kids call me "mimi" my mom "maw maw" and my sister "mommie" (her name is Emmie). I figure they'll straighten al the names out when they get a little bigger!
    OBImomma

    Answer by OBImomma at 5:00 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • My mil is not a babysitter. Never has! She lives 4 hours away. There are things that happen when we are visiting. Im nervous for when we have our baby in january because she is coming to stay with her while im in the hospital. I've never had a night away and I just don't know how this is going to go.
    randibosin

    Comment by randibosin (original poster) at 5:02 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • Based on your second post your husband shoould have a talk with her. You need it cleared up before she comes for that week.. If she gets upset give her some time to calm down and reflect. GL!
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 5:15 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

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