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My hubby just told me some news and I'm not sure how to take it. He just told me he thinks he is bisexual. He said he'd never act on it with another man, and I really do believe him. Truth be told--I've always had some suspicions. He's had dildos (for himself), worn thongs, and had some dreams he's told me about. If this was all you knew about him, it'd be extremely obvious. But he overall is a very manly guy. He's a natural handyman around the house, athletic, loves heavy metal, loves all sports, and goes crazy over girls just like any other guy. He'll watch anything with a pretty girl in it. It's only to me that he's revealed some of this other stuff.

What are all of your thoughts?

 
jessicajacobson

Asked by jessicajacobson at 12:46 AM on Nov. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Level 7 (155 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I wouldn't really care. I'm bisexual, most of my friends (male and female) are bisexual or gay (not sure how I managed that lol), and my husband and I are both very open minded. Sexual orientation means nothing to me at all. If anything, I would be really proud of him for having the guts to tell me and I would probably tell him that, and that would be the end of it. I don't think that the things you described actually point to him being bisexual, though. I've known plenty of straight guys who have had dreams about being with guys, worn thongs, and enjoyed anal stimulation. Those things are more a matter of personal preference than sexual orientation, though many people associate them with homosexuality. Sorry, I digress. Basically, for us, it would be a brief conversation left open for further discussion if necessary, and that would be it. No big deal.
    Mrs.BAT

    Answer by Mrs.BAT at 1:18 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Talk to him more about it. Being bisexual means that you like both sexes and doesn't diminish the fact he loves you and finds you attractive. Bisexual people are just as monogamous and good of parents as heterosexual people. He is still the man you love and have married: into heavy metal, attracted to sexy women, athletic, and the like. Now he just likes men too. It doesn't mean he is going to run off with the pool boy, though he may be more inclined to watch movies with Brad Pitt shirtless now that he is admitting it.
    TaraK.

    Answer by TaraK. at 12:52 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Wow...that's all I have for you just wow...I don't know how I would handle this so it would be great to find out how you finally do.
    ShouldHaveLeft

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 1:10 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Mrs. Bat rocks!
    FeelinYummy

    Answer by FeelinYummy at 1:44 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Maybe he's just curious if he's NEVER been with another man....has he? I always thought I was bi, and I guess I "kinda" am..I've been with women and find them sexy, but for a while now, I've thought that maybe the THOUGHT of being with a woman is more of a turn on than actually being with one...ya know?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:49 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • nope, he's never been with another guy. i do think that's a big part of it--that the thought of it is more of a turn on than anything. regardless, i want him to be happy so i'm not sure what to do.
    jessicajacobson

    Comment by jessicajacobson (original poster) at 12:52 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • wow, thanks TaraK. I think that was the reassurance that I needed. It's just another side of the man I love and I'm so happy he's gathered the courage to tell me. :-)
    jessicajacobson

    Comment by jessicajacobson (original poster) at 1:02 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • For the sake of your future happiness, I would suggest that you suggest to him to explore this aspect of himself. Now is the best time, since he has already spoken with you about it and that is a good thing!!!(I hope you assured him that it was "a good thing". Speaking as me (as if I were his wife), I would tell him that since he is bringing it up to me now that now is the time for him to explore that side of his sexuality! If you feel this way of course, I would also let him know that he is completely normal and you do not see him any differently simply because of this news! Shit, I have always wished that I would fall in love with bi-sexual man someday myself, because than he would understand me better than my current SO!
    truthteller0722

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 1:53 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • I do not agree with TaraK......only on the statement of "still the man you love and have married". I assume from the wording of your original post and you choosing to use the word "news" that this was something that you did not know upon the agreement of marriage. So basically it was a lie, I would take issue with the lying part, more than the bisexual thing..... especially if he had any inkling whatsoever before we were bound by law! Just another reason to despise marriage!
    truthteller0722

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 2:02 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Was a late night last night talking this through with my hubby. I wanted to make sure I understood why he was telling me this now. He said that he has only recently found himself more and more interested in men. He said he's not sure if this is temporary or permanent, but wanted to share this with me because he wants me to help him through it. He thought I would be mad about it or make fun of him for it, so he was more than relieved to see my reaction. Lastly, he reassured me that this does not change one bit about how he feels about me; he still loves me as much as ever.

    As a first step, we're going to try a few fun things in the bedroom to help him out, and we'll see where it leads. We decided to not make a big deal of it, but have fun with it as we go through this together one step at a time. :-) Thanks for all of your support and advice. I'm sure this is just the beginning.
    jessicajacobson

    Comment by jessicajacobson (original poster) at 3:52 PM on Nov. 28, 2010