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I hate to complain about my relationship, but..

My boyfriend is a good father and takes care of us, but I just don't seem to make him happy. We've been together for 3 years and I feel like we've run out of things to talk about. He is bored around me, act uninterested in what I have to say, and even makes me feel bad when I talk. He just acts annoyed every time I talk. Tonight we were suppose to have a date night so we had his friend watch our dd and 1 hour in he was telling me that he was going to go out with the guy who was suppose to be babysiting later. So our date night was like 2 hours and then he went out with our babysitter while I sat at home. Does this sound crazy to anyone else? We have been together for so long and it isn't like he treats me bad...he just doesn't treat me good. I was sick for weeks and he never asked to help in any way. He just told me to stop thinking about it. I want a relationship where my so actually wants me to feel good..not just wants me to shut up. I don't know what I want to do. I don't even know where to begin if I were to break up with him. I just don't feel close with him anymore and I don't know how to salvage our relationship. Can anyone give me some words of wisdom?!

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dbodani

Asked by dbodani at 4:40 AM on Nov. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Level 15 (1,925 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • eek! well, I am going to be positive here because that is what you need but keep it real too. This happens sometimes in relationships but if you are doing everything you can to make him happy sometimes you neglect the self. What makes you happy? What are you interested in? Don't put your life on hold for anyone except your kids. They will start to feel the tension. I can't tell you what to do and every situation is different but if you ever just need to vent you can to me :) Sometimes we just need to vent without being judged or afraid someone will get mad so we can sort things out.
    JuJubean1979

    Answer by JuJubean1979 at 4:47 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • He is just so hard to read. He seriously acts upset all the time and I am always trying to figure out what I've done wrong, but when I ask him he gets annoyed and says everything is ok. I've been with him long enough to know how he acts when he is happy vs unhappy and for the last couple months he has been unhappy. I don't think he would be with me if we didn't have a kid together. He thinks I am crazy when I bring this up to him. I wanted to have a date night to see if we could fix anything and it turned into him wanting to spend time with his friend instead (which, by the way, we've been together for 3 years and only 1 month of that have we lived by ourselves). I don't feel appreciated, I feel like I need to feel loved in a different way and to have a boyfriend who wants to give me hugs or kisses or rub my back when I am feeling bad, or even offer me a glass of water. We moved to a different state about 4 months ago and I
    dbodani

    Comment by dbodani (original poster) at 4:56 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • wouldn't even know how to go about starting a life without him, or if I even want to. I don't have the money to live alone with my dd and how would that affect her without her mom and dad together. I just don't know what to do.
    dbodani

    Comment by dbodani (original poster) at 4:57 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Let me ask you this question. Is he the type of guy that would let you go on a vacation by yourself? If so, ask some questions about taking one with you.
    trashymom

    Answer by trashymom at 5:23 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • JuJubean is sooooooooo wise ! Someone told me to pay attention to myself and not even try to make "him" happy.....I thought this had merit more on a selfish note and was excited to try a new phase of my life ! I joined a gym, I started going hiking and doing all the things I used to do when I was single....everything that made me happy.....not 2 months after I joined the gym, so did he....and then he got all excited about the stuff I was doing in the outdoors and wanted to join me sometimes....when I started making myself happy I became more interesting and fun and our relationship is absolutely incredible....now I'll say "tomorrow I'm going to go do this...If you're interested, you're welcome to come." but I no longer make our activities contingent on whether or not he wants to do them! not only is our relationship great, but I'm happy and I know that if we ever separate, I'll be ok, because I know how to make ME happy!
    FXmomTo3

    Answer by FXmomTo3 at 5:56 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Make your own happiness and don't look to your SO to make you happy. Men run when they feel we are needy and they are our everything. What will make you happy? Really explore that and take baby steps to go there. Relationship can be stressful but LOVE shouldn't hurt , so if you are feeling hurt more than loved explore that. Talk to a friend, be ready to explore your friend perspective on what is happening with you right now. Be kind to yourself but own when you are see behaviors that you want to change. We are always a work in progress, that is a growth process and we all should want to grow and not stay stuck. Women on CM have great wisdom and have walked in your shoes, maybe the situation is a little different but your feelings are real. Hugs to you!!!!
    Librarylady60

    Answer by Librarylady60 at 6:31 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • It sounds like maybe according to him nothing is wrong but you see it otherwise. This is such a hard one. One note though..YOU CAN do this on your own. I was a single mother for years and I know if it came down to it I could do it again.
    JuJubean1979

    Answer by JuJubean1979 at 8:10 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • My husband is exactly the same and unfortunately, it doesn't get better, it only gets worse. We've been together almost 21 years and this "boredom" and "disinterest" just festers until they finally do something really stupid...mine had an affair with a nasty cum dumpster on the 19 year mark. There is no good new here. The only thing that might jog him is if you leave and all of a sudden he does realize what he had but then it could work against you cause he could then ultimately realize that he didn't really need or want you at all. In the end, in both circumstances...you will eventually be fine and find someone that will appreciate you for the wonderful person you are. Don't wait 20 wasted years (like me) to find out what you always knew.
    ShouldHaveLeft

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 1:52 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

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