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3 Bumps

Disposable..

When did marriage become so disposable? When did so many people decide that marriage is an OK thing for the moment? Has everyone forgotten the meaning ogf the word 'vow'? I read so many posts that say "I'm not happy, someone please help me with my marriage".. And so many people replying "dump the guy, leave the guy, find someone better".. People! Seriously? This is marriage.. This isn't dating, or some temporary arrangement, this is supposed to be for life.. Till death do you part, for better OR worse..
Have we all forgotten what it means to be truly commited?
And someone please tell me why so many women find it ok to post horrible things about their husbands on this site? Their HUSBANDS? The father of their children, the man they swore to love forever.. Where is the respect? Where is the love? The dignity? When did divorce become a fix all?
I know many people will want to reply and say that it's all the husband's fault, that he's a jerk, doesn't pay attention to them, doesn't talk to them, whatever.. Or maybe that it was wonderful in the beginning but now it's all bad.. How many of you look at yourselves? Why is it always 100% his fault?
Why is marriage so unimportant to so many people today?

Answer Question
 
Ren_Ren

Asked by Ren_Ren at 7:35 AM on Nov. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Level 12 (778 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • I think because our legal system has made it so easy to get a divorce, first of all. Second, I believe that the proper values are not instilled in many. You make a commitment, you fight to keep it. I've seen so many people divorce for such menial reasons. I had 22-1/2 years with my DH and during those years, we had our ups & downs, but we valued the vows we took and worked to make our marriage happen. He passed away last month due to cancer and I look back at the many arguments & disagreements we had that otherwise would have split up other couples and thank God every day for the fact that we fought to stay together. It bothers me that too many younger couples run away at the first sign of things becoming a little rough. I'd give my right arm to have DH here today to have those little arguments with again.
    TeensMom07

    Answer by TeensMom07 at 7:41 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Personally, I think people marry too young and divorce is too easy to achieve.

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 7:42 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • not everyone has the view that marriage is disposable. But I am divorced and I KNOW that the divorce was NOT my fault!! He cheated on me numberous times and I forgave him and begged him to go to marriage councling with me, he went to 2 sessions and served me with divorce papers. If I want to talk shit about him on here, then I can and I will! Its called freedom of speach lady! And any woman who want to come on a MOM'S site thats family oriented and VENT about her DH, SO or whatever, then she can and you need to quit complaining about it! If you dont like it, DONT READ AND REPLY!!!!
    AingealsBabies

    Answer by AingealsBabies at 7:44 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • "If you dont like it, DONT READ AND REPLY!!!! "

    Take your own advice 'lady'..
    Ren_Ren

    Comment by Ren_Ren (original poster) at 7:47 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • @AingealsBabies... I think the OP was pointing out the little issues that seem to cause divorce - not a cheating spouse as in your situation. Cheating is a totally different story, but then again, a spouse who cheats also treats marriage as a disposable situation if you think about it. The OP was meaning little things like "oh, my DH doesn't pick up after himself" or stuff like that. No need to get your panties in an uproar. Also, I believe you contradicted yourself in your phrase that if she wants to complain about it, she can and OP needs to quit complaining about it. Again, if you don't like what someone says, don't read & reply.
    TeensMom07

    Answer by TeensMom07 at 7:51 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Our society has become about instant gratification. So if it's not fun any more, then get out & move on to someone who is fun. It's sad. I agree w/ you. The only reason to end a marriage (in my opinion) is for repeated cheating (I could forgive a one-time slip) and for abuse. If it's that he doesnt help out, doesnt compliment you, blah, blah blah, then get counseling to save your marriage. Nothing worth having is easy, and you must work at your marriage. I love my husb dearly, and would love to have more alone time w/ him to show him just how much I do love him!
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:56 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • @mrsmom110 - I have a friend who is like that. She complains all the time that her DH doesn't compliment her or claims that he degrades her around others (which I never see him do, by the way). If he disagrees with her, she instantly flies off the hook and talks divorce. Last year, we went out with them for NYE and the night was going great. Then, the husband got a call from his supervisor to wish him a happy new year and also asked the wish be passed on to the husband's mom. My friend went flying off the hook because her dh's boss didn't think to wish HER a happy new year. She stormed out of the place and stood in the cold & wind until we were all ready to leave. She didn't speak to her hubby for days after that and really put a helluva damper on the night for the rest of us. THIS is the sort of thing I know the OP is talking about - not cheating nor abuse!
    TeensMom07

    Answer by TeensMom07 at 8:02 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • No, I was not talking about cheating or abuse.. I didn't think that even needed to be said.. I was talking about all the women who post that their husband's work too much (to support them) or don't help out around the house as much as they want them to, or don't bring them flowers every day.. I'm talking about women who post saying that their husband's don't talk to them as much as they used to and because of that they are considering a divorce.. Posts like that, that are full of blame.. "It's all him, it's never me.. I think I will divorce him. He won't get up at night with the baby, I think I will divorce him.. He doesn't like mky mother, I think I will divorce him.. He went to the bar with his friends, I think I will divorce him.."
    I love my husband dearly, and even if I was furious with him I would never disrespect him by posting horrible things about him on a public forum.. What would that say about me?
    Ren_Ren

    Comment by Ren_Ren (original poster) at 8:09 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • @ AingealsBabies.. It's also people like your ex-husband that I am talking about.. People who enter into a marriage and then treat it as if it is nothing more than a piece of paper.. If you begged him to stay and go to counseling, then you were treating your marriage like a true commitment.. Obviousy he was not.. I said nothing in my origional post that spoke negatively of you.. If anything it was negative towards the man you were married to..
    Ren_Ren

    Comment by Ren_Ren (original poster) at 8:13 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • I guess I did go off the deep end there... Sorry. I dont like the marriage thing being disposable either.... I guess I just usually ignore other people bitching and moaning that DH doesnt do anything, (at least you HAVE a DH who is home every night with you....)
    AingealsBabies

    Answer by AingealsBabies at 8:19 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

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