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2 Bumps

Heart or head...logic...what speaks true?

My marriage is at a stand still. 9 years and he's wanting out, but we're doing the waiting game b/c of the holidays. All signs and voices of others he's talked to says he really wants out and I should walk away. Logic says to walk away. My heart screams to not give up, as broken as it is. I'm more spiritual than religious, but someone I talked to said that "God" speaks to you through your heart, to listen to your heart and not logic and what others say...or what my husband says. He goes on walks A LOT...so it might be him rethinking everything, but I just need to know...what to trust....heart, mind, logic...what he's told others??? I may SOUND like I'm at bargaining with the stages of grief, but I feel...in my heart, I'm still hoping my marriage will get saved. Please be honest.

ETA:  If he was going to divorce me or cheat on me...he would've done it by now...so just waiting till the papers are signed.  Not over till the "Fat lady sings" so to speak.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:00 AM on Nov. 28, 2010 in Religion & Beliefs

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Listen to both, if your not ready to end things, then let him make the first move. If he wants out you can't make him stay anyway. I think you should spend sometime focusing on yourself too, because if everything revolves around what he wants that can feel suffocating to him.  Good luck, I hope it works out the way you want.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 12:14 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • You need to listen to both but in your case it would seem the question is moot.  If your dh wants out, there is nothing you can do to stop him.

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 8:12 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • beeky is so right...i most cases I'd say listen to the heart...but in your case, as beeky says if dh wants out, you've got no choice than to let him go.....maybe this will open the door for you both to find your own "selves".....you might be glad for it....it might open another door....it might teach you a lesson that you need to learn but can't learn it as long as you're holding on.....
    FXmomTo3

    Answer by FXmomTo3 at 8:23 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • I agree with it's not over till it's over. don't force him to stay, but don't give up if you really want it to work. I know you said you're more spiritual than religious, but if your believe in God, spend time with Him daily. Pray, read His word, sings songs of praise and worship and you will know what to do and you will be given rest and peace. I'm sorry you're going through this, love. I will keep you in prayer.
    kittieashy

    Answer by kittieashy at 10:21 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • I agree with the others. You have to listen to your heart and give it your all, but if he wants out you have to let him go. You can't force him to stay if he doesn't want to. There's no harm in making sure he's certain of his choice, but if he is its one that needs to be respected.
    bandgeek521

    Answer by bandgeek521 at 10:59 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Heart always. If God lives in your heart then if you listen to your heart you will do the right thing.
    GODFIRST611

    Answer by GODFIRST611 at 12:26 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • I am going through this... Mine wants out... and I listened to my heart and let him go. We tried to work things out for 12 yrs and been married 23. For us it was irreconcilable differences.. we just are not happy. He chose to go a different direction spiritually and I chose to go forward in my walk with the Lord. He does not want to be on that path and I will not go on his. So he made the decision to release me. Now if the lawyers would get their rears in gear and finish the paper work we can actually move ON! This is the easiest divorce ever for them and they are playing games. I have chosen to just trust God in this!
    I encourage you to do the same. I am ALL for reconciliation but BOTH sides have to want it.
    Shaneagle777

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 1:01 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Both. Then sit and think in detail to see why one might be different then the other. Are you holding out for hope? Is it truly a hopeful situation when he obviously wants out whether you like it or not?

    Hope is good but not when its a lost cause. So follow both cuz eventually when you level it all out they will be the same.
    Amaranth361

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 1:53 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Have you read the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman?  Go to that website, click on "assesments" and you take the quiz for wives, and have DH take the quiz for husbands.  Take the test without the other watching or intervening.  Write down both of your primary and secondary love languages, strive to speak in the other persons love language, and buy the book.  I hope it makes a positive impact on your relationship!

    flatlanderjenn

    Answer by flatlanderjenn at 8:35 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Update: He didn't leave. He went for help and looked more inside himself. We're still working on us, but working on ourselves too. Communication is short on the subject, but not sure if there's anything more to talk about on the subject of the past. The drama made me stronger. We're actually doing pretty good. Baby steps, just hoping it continues towards a happier outcome.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:00 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

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