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What do or would you do to keep from feeling lonely at any holiday? When family has other family to go to and you are always alone?

My inlaws are all dead. My brothers& sister inlaws live hundreds of miles away and our kids have plenty of other family to be around. How do I get out of this slump & make holidays fun for us? What would you do so you're not crying all the time?
I know of at least 2 other ladies right now feeling this exact same way. Lots of kids & grandkids & still feel lonely.


Asked by Anonymous at 10:16 AM on Nov. 28, 2010 in Holidays

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • For me, going where the action is actually makes me feel less a part of something. Those events are always filled with what I am feeling sad about not having. For many people (and often for people who are grieving a loss), the holidays are not a feeling you get by being a part of it all - by being in those situations, you are reminded that you are not a part of it all - not in any way that is meaningful in your life. It is difficult. Really difficult. And when you're crying all the time, simply being around other people is not a magic cure. For me, it's about self care and focusing on what you do have, by creating time to be with those you have left, by finding ways to keep in touch (mail, phone, email), by living in the moment - embracing the moment with a focus on all the good things that you have.

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 10:28 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Get together with those ladies that feel like you ........I assume you have kids, you be the spirit of the season, focus on your kids, you are Santa and the Christmas spirit. Focus on your kids!

    Answer by older at 10:26 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Can you say to one of your kids that you'd like to see them for the holidays? Even if the week before? What about starting a new tradition with the ladies you say are feeling the same way? And you could serve holiday meals witha charity near you who does this on the holiday. It really makes you feel good to help others. I wish you all the best.

    Answer by elizabr at 10:26 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Like Alice, I've been there. My husband died - this year, in fact. It's about making a decision to be happy, to find happiness, during a very difficult time. There isn't one specific answer. No one can tell you how to fix this for you. You've got to choose to do that yourself.

    Answer by Gaccck at 10:37 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • I would go where the action is and feel apart of something. For example there are always things happening like tree lightings, window shopping, partes, etc. I would find something that would make me happy and make me feel better about the holidays. It just takes that one little thing because the holidays are a feeling you get inside by being a part of it all.

    Answer by CafeMochaMom1 at 10:22 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • My husband and I live several states away from any of our family and this Thanksgiving even though I have my husband I still felt lonely. So we went and volunteered to pack food into baskets and delivery it to families who needed it. We plan to do it again on Christmas. It kept me to busy to think about being lonely for most of the day. Though when we got home it kinda hit again but not as bad as the days before. It just sucked because I gave my family a call and knew what I was missing out on.

    Answer by Gnomeofmyheart at 10:25 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • I feel the same way. I'm 52 and live with my parents. I moved back here when my son was small, so that we would be with extended family. Since my dad had a stroke 4 years ago, no one invites us anywhere. Our house is too small to have more than 3 or 4 guests at a time, so it's practically impossible to invite them here. And if you invite one and not the other!!!! oooohhhh-boy. Since I end up cooking for "just us" and then cleaning up, I don't feel like loading everyone into the car to go visit for dessert or anything. Feel very isolated, even though people are just 1/2 hour away. I think that next year I will go volunteer somewhere while the turkey's in the oven. Mom can watch it and turn it off, even if she can't get it out of the oven.

    Answer by kjrn79 at 10:39 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • my family is very far away and SO's family is nearby but emotionally distant so this thanksgiving was just me, SO and ds. I made the most of it! I made a huge feast all from scratch, put some festive music on and we had an enjoyable day! We all enjoyed the food and each others company. This is a far cry from what I grew up with. In my childhood all the family gathered at my nana's house as if it was the party of the century! But things changed and I am happy to at least still have that mindset and carried my tradition into my small family

    Answer by Owl_Feather at 10:34 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Is it possible to go away for that weekend? It doesn't have to be far away, just a change of pace. Lots of hotels have specials trying to fill the place on a holiday. At a minimum, I think I would get out of the house and go to a movie. Think out of the box.

    Answer by elizabr at 12:24 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • I wish I knew. I'm one of those people who feels the most lonely in a crowd of people.

    Answer by HotMama330 at 3:21 PM on Nov. 28, 2010