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3 Bumps

How do I deal with his girlfriend?

My 14 year old son has suddenly become obsessed with a girl. I'm not fond of her because I intercepted some text messages about a year ago that were sexual in nature (they were not "dating" at the time). Now they are "going out" and he wants to invite her over, which I have allowed only for an hour or two and only when I am home. When she isn't here, he texts or talks to her constantly on his cell phone. I've tried to limit his contact with her but he just seems to spend every waking hour thinking about her. And I can't control what he does while at school and during his lunch hour. We live in a small town and she only lives a few blocks away. I never worried about leaving him home alone before and now I don't feel like I can do that for fear he will have her come over.

Help! Any suggestions on what to do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:05 AM on Nov. 28, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (14)
  • Sorry you can somewhat monitor activities but complete control is impossible, first loves are grand aren't they did you have one at this age?it is the age of awakenings, although these days the age is getting younger and younger.

    Answer by older at 11:08 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • You have to be vigil. You need to talk to him about sex and sexual activity. Do not back off. If you do not feel you can trust him alone, you probably cannot. It is a hard road and very time consuming, but it is necessary in todays world. Have you tried limiting his texting and cell phone use. Just because he has a phone does not mean that a 14 year old should be on it all the time.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 11:08 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Explain to him,her, and her parents how you feel about her beng in your ome when you are away, make things very clear to all parties, other than that you could find and afterschool program for him until you come home from work and you know you'll be home , your son is determined to talk to her so he's going to find a way explain to him what can come behind having sex especially at his age don't cut him too much slack be firm about her or anyone coming over while you're gone if he let's her in i'll make sure is sorry he ever did,but meet the little girl and if she's over sometimes talk to her she where shes at, her thoughts you could pretty much tell at this point if any sex is going on i believe it could be close since he's not mouthing off and getting beside himself he's probably not having sex just yet

    Answer by 1LovelyAngel at 11:14 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Make sure you stay open with him. Also remember it's natural for him and her to have these feelings. I can understand your fear and if you sit down with him and lay down some rules and tell him whyyou have these rules. Tell him you don't want them having sex for the fear of her getting pregnant. That might not be your concern but what ever your concern is tell him. If he abides by these rules maybe she can come over for half hour more. Reward him for following your direction. It's hard for kids to control themselves with all these emotions so if he obeys you then tell him he's doing a great job. Don't forget to let him know the consequences of not following your rules. Always remember you know whats best for your son he doesn't he's just going on feelings alone.


    Answer by Jenaiko01 at 11:15 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • he's fourteen. he's going to have lots of girlfriends, and be obsessed with them all. this one's no different; she's just the first.
    i would follow the advice about talking to him about sex, etc. set the ground rules you want, tell him about the consequences, and then let him grow and learn himself. you can't hold his hand forever.

    Answer by AngryBob at 11:16 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • I like the idea of talking to the parents about it. That way everyone is on the same page, you don't want to be talking to the about her being pregnant or anything. I would limit phone use and starting after school activites are always a good idea keeps tthere mind out of that sex area..

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:24 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Thanks moms......good advice. My husband tells me I need to let him grow up, but it's hard.

    He is involved in after school athletics, so I'm not concerned with after school. But they have an open campus, so for 45 minutes at lunch I've no idea what he is doing.

    Yes, I do remember my first love, at it was about the same age. But my boyfriend didn't look anything like my just mature physically much, much faster than they use to. Seriously, my son looks like a freshmen in college instead of a freshmen in high school.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:37 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Okay. You are not alone mom. I have raised a 33 year old son a 29 year old daughter.....and now a 16 year old son. It is'nt the best place to be is it? Hang in because this to shall pass. Love is so important at 14, 15, ect... Love is still so important to me. Don't stress, they come through us not from us. Teens are....umm well they suck. I am there and my son is also in love...again. I asked his new love if she ever watched teen moms...she said oh yeah...I said GOOD!!! Hang in mama it's gotta pass it always does.

    Answer by rosetoes at 7:37 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • I'm gonna tell you what my mom always said, "be nice to your family members SO because they could end up your In Laws" basically, you can't make him not like her and the more you try the more he will. I know they are young but you DON'T want to end up with a DIL that you don't get along with. Just be kind to her. My ex's mother didn't like me and acted much like you are now, we were 14 when we started dating, we are no longer together but she also doesn't ever see her granddaughter.

    Answer by JLS2388 at 8:28 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • I've never not been nice to her. I'm always pleasant and welcoming when she is in our home, but inside I'm fuming. What I find so unsettling about the situation is she and my son don't have anything in common. He is into lots and lots of extra curricular activities, president of his class, community volunteer, etc. His girfriend doesn't do any of these things, she doesn't run in his social circle at all.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:53 AM on Nov. 29, 2010

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