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should I leave

My husband is being a jerk he calls his daughter a f-ing bitch n also calls his kids a-holes,he also thinks kids should automatically behave themselves he smokes drinks beer something I wish he wouldn't do. He is also self employed but refuses to go look for work he just sits around all day long playing games and doing whatever he wants to do. I told him I think I should leave and he told me that if I do not to come back. To me thats pretty hurtful that he cares so little he tells me he doesnt want me to go but at the same time his behavior shows me something entirely different. I quit smoking for our family so we could have more money and the health benefits I'm trying to do right by going to church and work when I feel good. I dont know what to do anymore I feel like staying with my husband is ruining our family. Is this a relationship you would stay in?

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MarGeee

Asked by MarGeee at 2:28 PM on Nov. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Level 20 (9,059 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • It sounds like a huge mess. What are your options?
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 2:30 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • I think you should try counseling. You have turned your life around. Hopefully he can do the same, it is obvious some changes need to be made. I think you should get an objective third party involved and see if he can make some changes in his life too. Good for you for setting the example, the kids will remember that too.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 2:30 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • I can go to my brothers house but not for too long and I dont really want to cause they smoke too and it bothers me a lot. I have noone to turn to.
    MarGeee

    Comment by MarGeee (original poster) at 2:32 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • i would leave
    Keyonsmom

    Answer by Keyonsmom at 2:33 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • well if you are ready to leave then leave, its apperant that he doesnt want to change for you and your family, if he cant do something for himself like get a job then he won't be able to meet your standerds, and ask yourself is this what i want my kids to live life like or do you want better for them?
    sexymama223

    Answer by sexymama223 at 2:35 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Only you know how much you can take. Me personally, I would do everything in my power to make it work but if I had something going for myself( a way pf supporting me and the kids) I wouldn't put up it for long.
    lillady398

    Answer by lillady398 at 2:36 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • That's a tough decision...What he is doing is wrong. He shouldn't call his children any of those names. I'm sorry you have none to turn to, have you tried talking to the church? They might have a program or perhaps can offer some help. If leaving is what you want, then save money for it. Stand up to him, if you don't think he will turn violent. Tell him that you don't like him calling the kids those names. As his wife he should respect you. Personally I have people to turn to so I would leave. I can't imagine having no support system. (((HUGS))) I pray things get better for you.
    Andrea0209

    Answer by Andrea0209 at 2:41 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • I don't think you should leave. It sounds like your husband is the same man that you married. The difference is that you have gotten tired of that life-style and changed yours. He hasn't gotten there yet. You can help him get there, but not by leaving him and not by constantly telling him what all is wrong with him. The way you get him to want to change is by telling him about his good points and not telling him all the things that are wrong with him. He should not be calling your children names, and there is nothing wrong with your respectfully appealing to him to stop doing that. When a man is not inspired to do better or to be better, he won't be better. It is up to you as his wife to inspire him to want to be the best that he can be. I recommed you get a copy of FOR BETTER OR FOR BEST by Gary Samlley. Read that book and implement the suggestions in it, if you want to see a changed man.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:17 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Thank you NannyB
    MarGeee

    Comment by MarGeee (original poster) at 3:18 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Margeeee that is awful. I was married to a man like this once. I did leave and am so much happier now. He has still not changed a bit in ten years and I have grown so much spiritually. I am free to be me. I say if he prevents you in any way from beinmg who you want to be, then go. As far as the kids are concerned that is emotional abuse, please do something! They are innocent and cannot defend themselves.I hope everything works out for you. pm me if you want. hugs to you!
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 3:45 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

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