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2 Bumps

OMG people just keep asking too much of me

So I asked this question

Basically it is about my sister, I let her live rent free in my other house, and she wants her friends to move in with her. I pay mortgage on the house, for the renovations, and Utilities. She is just living there making sure renovations are done in a timely manner and living rent free while in school. Good Deal Right?

My husbands brothers and sisters have been jealous of this for a while. They have asked for quite a few things, of which I rejected. His sister who is a couple years older than my sister has asked that we do the same thing for her. His brother who is a bit older than hubby has asked that we help him pay for his new car.

keep in mind. I'm only 26, my husband is 30;, yeah we have money but I went to school 6 years to get this money. I have a 7 year old, a 3 and a 2 year old. They all cost money. I pay private Health Care, which is a lot of money. I'm not rich, I just am able to fend for myself and one of my goals was to put my sister through college so she wouldn't do what I did and end up living with a BF and get pregnant young.

Am I being mean not giving to his siblings while I give quite a bit to my sister?

I was basically interrogated by his brothers and sisters because they overheard me talking to my mom about that last question. They asked after I sell the house where will my sister go. I said I'd get her a condo and we'll do the same thing. She can renovate it for the last years she's at school. Then they got all mad and stormed off.

They seem to think they should get as much since I give my sister so much. Yet before I had this money they didn't bother to visit, they didn't bother to keep in touch with their nephew. I make the larger sum of money in this house, and I invest money in real estate so I can have more money. My husband does whatever he likes with his money, if there isn't enough to help them, that's not my problem right?


Asked by Anonymous at 2:44 PM on Nov. 28, 2010 in Money & Work

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • You are tending to your family and I do not see why you have any obligation but to your family. I see this as a natural reaction to a loving sister.

    Answer by older at 2:48 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Well, what you do for your sister has nothing to do with your husband's siblings. Actually, what you do for one sibling has nothing to do with what you do for another. My brothers have taught me that!! Don't feel guilty. Stick to your guns.

    Answer by elizabr at 2:51 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • It's not your problem, you are taking care of your sister and it's none of their business. Honestly, I'd be careful about what you say within earshot of your BIL/SIL's. I don't talk to anyone (aside from my DH) about my/our finances; it's no ones business but ours.

    Answer by Scuba at 2:51 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • You know what? It's none of their business what you do with your money and who or what you give it to. Since when are we obligated to give money to every member of our families? You're helping your sister and that's what you want to do with your money. If your husband wants to help them with his money, then so be it, but neither of you should feel like you have to do it just because you're helping your sister. Family never fails to amaze me with their selfish ways!

    Answer by ceallaigh at 2:51 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • I thought I was having a private convo. Haha yes, I know I thought wrong. That's why I come on the computer, they can't hear what I am typing. :)

    And here's the irony.

    His younger brother lives with us, but here's the thing, he never asked to live with us, we saw that he was struggling, so we offered. My sister that I mentioned, always thought I was joking when I said I'd pay her way through college once I get the money, well she got a scholarship and fin. aid to cover her school costs, and when I offered the house she initially rejected, after paying rent for a semester she got on board :). I then offered to put a down payment to her car, she rejected, and she pays for it all by herslef, I just co-signed cause my moms credit is shot.

    Everyone who doesn't ask gets help, the people who keep asking get nothing.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:58 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Don't participate in the drama.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 3:03 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Sounds like they are jealous and want a hand out. Tell them to grow up and get over it. You are not the family bank. And who you help and how you help is your choice not theres.

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 3:03 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Yes, I avoid that topic as much as I can. I come on cafemom and vent it out.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:07 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • I think you are doing a wonderful thing for people you care about. Your money...your rules! You choose who you want to provide help for, when and one else. Your money. Period. Plus, you have your own family to care for, and they come first. So, let the beggars whine all they want, they need to learn how to make their own money like you did and you can remind them of that. You did not marry your husband to pay the way for all of his siblings, and that is the end of it. Good for you for helping people out who are deserving!

    Answer by spottedpony at 3:09 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • It's your money, they aren't your blood, there is no obligation whatsoever on your part. I think your sister sounds very responcible and seems deserving of your generousity and help. I would still check the landlord laws and if everything is fine there workout a contract with the friends and consider it. Hopefully they are as mature as your sister and have respect for your property.

    Good Luck to you and congrats on your success in life.

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 3:21 PM on Nov. 28, 2010