Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Am I crazy?? adult content

My husband and I have been married for 13 years. He has been a wonderful father and husband -almost perfect. Recently I found porn on his phone for the 5th time. I understand this is a natural activity for most men and I am upset because of self esteem issues I have because of childhood trauma. I have always been pretty modest, but after the 3rd time I decided if I was going to have a problem with it then I would have to do what it takes to make sure my husband didn't feel like he was forced to miss out. So I jumped out of my box and made myself become more sexually available. Plus I'm not too bad looking and work hard on my figure so that I don't feel like he has an excuse. Each time I told him exactly how it affected me and each time he told me although he disagreed with my perspective he would respect me and wouldn't do it again so as not to hurt me. I trusted that and repaid him by trying to replace any porn with pic of me. Well like I said this is the 5th time and now he is telling me he wants to have sex with other women and has even given names. He insists he will never act upon these thoughts and there is a difference between wanting and cheating and I truly believe him. Ijust would have never thought he would want to say that to me," that girls hot is hot" is alot different than saying "I want to f__ her". He is telling me I am crazy for acting so hurt and that this is my problem that I will ruin our relationship if I dont change. Somebody please set me straight.........

Answer Question

Asked by jwalpole at 5:56 PM on Nov. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Run, don't want, to therapy. This was my husband. Eventually the "fantasy" wasn't enough, the reality was more exciting. He cheated.

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 6:01 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Wow, I dont' have any insecurtiy issues in my marriage and could care less if hub looked at porn BUT I would be pissed as hell if he stold me what he told you. Ooooh tempers would be flying. So NO you aren't crazy, your husband is being an ASS

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 6:02 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Your are set perfectly straight how you feel is perfectly normal your husband is the one with the problem. Please dont settle for anything less. I would really tell him to leave and if he wants to have sex with other women so be it but you will be no part of it. It wont only take an emotional toll on you but he can contract so many std's seriously which isn't healthy for you or your children. It seems like he made his mind up I would really rethink your relationship with him. The porn part of it can maybe be fixed but if he's now talking about having sex with other women he's on his way to cheating and you are so much better then that. You are totally in the right!!


    Answer by Jenaiko01 at 6:03 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Dress up with wigs and different outfits and BE those other women. I have wigs of all colors and styles and outfits of various kinds. Every time SO acts like he's getting bored I change things up.

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:08 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • I'm speechless. Your husband is a lunatic. Any woman would be devastated hearing that crap from their husband's mouth. Therapy. Now. Him. You. Run.

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 6:10 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Your husband is not being true to his word to you, and that's a problem. Don't let his excuses blind you to that truth. If he needs help to stop looking and lying, then offer to go with him to get that help. No woman should ever have to share her husband with another. It doesn't matter whether she's real or just a picture. He is lusting after other women, and he should not be doing that. His eyes should be only for you.

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:23 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Wow, if my hubs told me that I would be furious!!! It is one thing to look at porn (I would not have a problem with that) BUT another thing to say "I want to F**k (insert name here)". That tells me he has been thinking about it and it is a small step from thinking to actually doing. If you both want to keep the marriage I would suggest he #1- drop ALL porn, #2- he hand over his phone to you upon demand for you to inspect, and #3- COUNSELING! If he does not agree then I'd tell him he can go F*ck all the girls he wants cause you are kicking his sorry ass to the curb and he better be prepared to pay for child support, lawyer fees, a divorce and a new place for himself to live!

    Answer by MizLee at 6:28 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • i appreciate your responses. here is something i left out. i feel like i need to defend my man. he never has talked to another woman since he met met me. he never said he actually would sleep with another woman. he said he wanted for woman to hit on him because it made him feel good. he said it would make him feel better to know he had options, but that he wanted me. and that he wanted me to know that i was with him because he was loyal and not because he was stuck with me. he has never given me any reason to doubt him, except that the was honest with me and told me that he lusted after other women. he also told me that he would never act on it, but that he was getting older and needed some girl to flirt with him so he could feel like he he was atttractive enough to where him not cheating on me was a choice rather than just something he was stuck with. all of this came up after the best week of our marriage!

    Comment by jwalpole (original poster) at 6:59 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Your dh is the one who should be set straight. Saying that he'd like to have sex with someone else is a horrible thing to say. And I feel that he is using your insecurities against you! You should never have to give more than you are comfortable with to please your man. (There is experimentation with new things in a relationship, but the wanting is mutual). 13 years is a long time, but I think you may need to reevaluate your place in this relationship. Your dh is definitely ruining this marriage.

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 7:20 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • It's not likely you will get the answers you are seeking here. Go to marriage counseling. If he keeps lying to you about porn, then you have issues. He is already violating your trust.

    Answer by momofkids at 7:59 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.