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6 Bumps

My daughter's father is about to elope with a witch!

My child's father is stationed in Las Vegas in the air force. Our daughter is only 2 years old, but they rarely see each other, but he calls several times a day and he takes care of us financially. He has been involved with a very manipulative woman. She has caused many issues between he and I. She is soooo jealous, that the last time he came to our state to visit (this woman lives in the same state as I do), she gave him 20 minute time limit on how long he can visit out daughter. On average, he sees our child twice a year, but he sees this woman much more.


I have been very supportive of him. Perhaps much more than I should be. When he's around this woman, it's almost like no one else matters. I hate to question his love for his daughter, but I was extremely upset to find out that he is on his way to elope with her right now while she's visiting him.

I know this will only cause more issues and I feel that eventually he would choose her feelings over our child's.

I want to pull away from him (I won't keep him from his child of course) but I don't want to seem like I'm simply bitter. I AM hurt bc I do still love him, but I hate seeing him place a woman before his child


ADVICE please?

Answer Question
 
asesinabonita

Asked by asesinabonita at 7:21 PM on Nov. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • You can't really control what he does or what she does. You can try, but you will make yourself crazy, and frustrated. Just do what you need to do for you and your daughter and consider him gone. I'm happy to hear he is paying for his child however! But as far as emotionally, he is unavailable to you, so don't wait around. And don't worry about her, there is nothing you can do to change her.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 7:31 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Your are to involved. He's going to choose whats ever he wants and if that means letting some women convince him to see your daughter for a limited amount of time he'll be stupid enough to listen. For your daughters sake you need to back off emotionally from him and he should only be the father of your child unless your trying to make the once relationship work. The reason I say this is because your emotions and feelings will soon be effecting your daughter. The only thing you need to to be worrying about is if your daughter will be safe around this lady. You're just going to get yourself hurt and in the end your daughter will be hurt. Her father is going to what he wants if he misses out then it's his fault and he'll realize it later.

    Jenaiko01

    Answer by Jenaiko01 at 7:33 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Your first and foremost concern is your daughter, and my cheif concern for her would be if this woman is jealous of you how she will treat your daughter when you are not around. He is making a HUGE mistake a man should NEVER be with another woman if she can not love his children from another. I would not allow him to have her knowing she is like that. I will pray for your situation.
    nwaskie

    Answer by nwaskie at 7:33 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Honestly, there is not much you can do. You can talk with him and express your concern- it's great that you get along so well, but ultimately any decision he makes will need to be his own. 

    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 7:36 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Okay a bit off the question but how can he considering it eloping if he has blabbed about it to his ex???? Doesn't eloping imply it being spontaneous and a secret???? Maybe its just me...

    I think you are a little too emotionally invested in your ex's life. Are there still feelings there??? I realize that you do have to deal with whomever he marries because you have a child involved however, you do not want to rock the boat in these situations simply because there are those crazy women out there that will torture your child to get back at you....
    BriHan06

    Answer by BriHan06 at 7:38 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • It doesnt sound like hes much of a father. &Im sry but if hes letting sum piece of a$$ dictate how much time he spends with his daughter hes already chosen whos more important in his life. So what if he helps pay 4ur daughter. Lots of guys do that- its called child support. Hes doing more damage to ur daughter by only popping in&out of her life. If he wants to be a dad he needs to man up and be a dad!! &it sounds to me like both u&ur daughter will be better off without him. If u haveny gone to court over ur daughter u need to before his new wifey decides she dsnt want him sending u guys any money at all.
    WonderMom2008

    Answer by WonderMom2008 at 7:43 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Can;t control other people's lifes.
    Mom2Just1

    Answer by Mom2Just1 at 9:19 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • When my parents got divorced, we didn't see my dad much for a while either. He too, got married shortly after their divorce. He'd call and promise to come pick us up for the weekend and never show up...My mama never let her anger show and she never bad mouthed him in front of us. She wasn't going to taint or try to alter our image of him...she was going to let us figure that out on our own. Thankfully for us, things changed...but that's my best advice to you. You can't change him and you can't force him to do anything....neither can the new woman. He's a grown man and will do as he pleases. If you try to force him to do something, you're only going to hurt your DD in the long run because it will drive him away even more. If he's a good dad, things will work out....if he's not, let her figure that out without influences. Too many children's relationships with their fathers are ruined due to jealous/bitter ex's.

    HaydensMama07

    Answer by HaydensMama07 at 10:29 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • You can't control what he does. But, he seems to have another life outside you and his daughter. Don't ask him to come see your daughter, let him make his own choices. She probably resents the fact that he still helps you out financially. If he marries her, he'll probably see even less of your daughter anyway, that's probably what the other woman wants. They say that love is blind, one day I hope he will realize that he made a mistake not seeing her. The only thing I can say is, I hope he wakes up before it's too late.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:02 AM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • I agree with HaydensMama07. Just let him do what he wants without voicing your opinion. Take care of your little girl and let her learn on her own if her father doesn't step up. He's taking care of her financially which is great considering he hardly sees her. Sometimes my sis's exes screw up and the kids notice. They are smart. Just be supportive. I know this is cutting you because you still love him, but he's moved on. You need to work on moving on from him as well. Good luck.
    Desi_Momof4

    Answer by Desi_Momof4 at 9:36 AM on Nov. 29, 2010

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