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2 Bumps

Does this make me totally selfish?

I go to school and my husband was completely supportive of me going back to school when I said I wanted to back in January. Now he's saying he wants to go back to school. I'm lying and saying I'm fine with it when inside I think it's a terrible idea. We're already taking out financial aid to survive with me going and not working, not that I could work even if I wasn't a student with the cost of daycare for two kids, but that aside. He doesn't help around the house all that much and we're struggling to stay ontop of the house enough to keep the state out of lives and our kids in our home. He's did some community collge awhile back and dropped out of that. He did some training at a specail vocation school and has NEVER used it or even really tried. He never finishes the things he starts and we're already not getting by. Is it selfish of me to think he shouldn't go back to school?
Or if he's really determined I think maybe he should like join the military reserves or something so that at least someone else gets to bear the cost. But I'm scared to bring this up becuase we'fe loosely talked about the idea of him doing the military since we are so not getting by and you know better insurance and we actually do need good insurance with me being the way I am, but he just gets really upset and says that since I have mental health concerns it's never going to happen becuase he'd have to leave for a few months for bootcamp and then what if he got sent away and so forth. And that he doesn't want to loose the weight and get into shape like he'd need to.
I just don't know what to do or suggest to him about this. I am I int he wrong here?
I told him I'm okay with it and I'm behind him and I'm just kinda doing the grin and bear it 'cause I feel like I'm beign wrong and selfish here, but am I really. What do other think?


Asked by Anonymous at 11:27 PM on Nov. 28, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Take these issues as they are. He isn't finishing probably because he feels too much stress. The work force is changing so darn much and so often, but if he gets a good degree in a finished subject , and has the degree with him, it will go as far as he likes.
    Help to support his times when he gets his degree, if those coals are already in the fire.... he is waiting for you to cheer him, and boost him up .
    You'll get there. Just keep the routines going. And watch it happen!

    Answer by coffeeyum at 12:04 AM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • I don't think it makes you selfish at all, I think it makes you realistic.

    Answer by FluffyMamaBunny at 11:31 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • tell him to give you your chance to get your education and a good job and then you will go from steps...then after that if he still wants to pursue other things, consider it....but one thing at a time!

    Answer by mamagee1218 at 11:31 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • I think it's great that he's showing the initiative to want to go back to school. Maybe your doing it is motivating to him. But from the way it sounds it may really be the wrong time. How long do you have until you are finished?? Maybe once your done with yours then he could start. Since he is the provider for the family at this time his main priority needs to be working. School, work, and family is alot to deal with all at once. Especially if your not in the position to help out financially while he does it. I would hate to see him start and have to drop out again because of this. I think it'd be a major blow to his confidence.

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 11:35 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • I think you can both do school, you just have to do it at different times.... My SO did his schooling first and then I started after he graduated and had a job.... Rome wasn't built in a day ( I have to tell myself that EVERYDAY since I'm so impatient)
    You two need to sit down and make a plan for the next few years, plan school schedules, work plans, etc
    Good luck!

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 11:40 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • I kinda think you're both being a bit selfish. Sorry.

    Answer by DMac08 at 11:30 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • your not being selfish at all but at the same time weather you like it or not he has a point about the mental health... only for the fact that i my self have a mental health condition and don't know what i would do if my husband was away from me for that long period of time or getting deployed.

    Answer by Lynnsae at 11:41 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • I don't think you're being selfish. If he has a history of not finishing what he starts, then the last thing you need is to add more student loans to your bills. I would suggest you finish school first, so that you can work to support him while he goes to school if that's what he still wants by then.

    Also, coming from a military wife, if you are not mentally strong, do not encourage him to join the service just to pay the bills. It is more than just a job, it's a life, and it's constantly changing.

    Answer by justplainjenni at 11:48 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Well I think that maybe he should go when you get through. one of you has to work. and if you are already going then you should finish. or also yall can apply for a pell grant its for people who have children and you dont have to pay it back. also you could go to social services for help also they will pay for daycare if neither of you is working and give you food stamps, and other things they can do for you to if he is that determened to go now. but if he can wait untill your done, then he can go after.

    Answer by depressed123 at 11:49 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • It's wonderful that you both want to go back to school (with exception to you already doing it :) and I understand the circumstances and concerns you've shared, they are all valid thoughts. I think if you voiced some of your concerns with some solutions or ideas for compromise so there wouldn't be a conflict of family time and other scheduling that may result if you both are in school. These are hard times, but it is common that people want to enhance their skills. I just feel you guys can come to some kind of compromise and maybe it will be up to you to make the first move like putting down ideas how it would work out. Just remember, it's going to take a lot of work for both of you. I have 3 kids (one just turned 2) and although I work part time for a job that requires a lot of physical labor, I have gone back to school full-time.If I didn't have my DH's support it would be difficult for me.

    Answer by mommieGem at 12:15 AM on Nov. 29, 2010