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I just don't know what to do, need advice please.......

My son's Grandfather got my son a computer for him to do his school work on. At least that was the main point in the first place. But his father told his dad that he is using it for porn, I don't know, I don't see it, so I can't say for sure. Son is 17. His dad is trying to tell his father that he doesn't need it because he thinks that his son has been looking at it instead of him. But my son's father also uses it. I know for a fact that he has used the computer for the same purpose in the past and he can't deny it, because I saw it. He also says that he keeps putting stuff on the computer that is causing viruses and so forth. Now my son is mad at his dad because he changed the settings where he can't get on it when he wants to, his dad took over his account on the computer, which I thought was selfish. I told him so. His dad says that he only changed the settings to where he can't view the more mature sites. And again, I don't know, I don't use it and his dad doesn't live with us.

I can't take sides without really knowing what is going on, and personally I don't want to be in the middle either. It's almost as if they don't trust each other. I know how crazy that sounds. But what would you do, my son, I want to help. My son doesn't want to use the computer me and my daughter uses. I guess since it's older he prefers the newer one. But I know that either you use what you have or do without. What should I do?


Asked by amessageofhope at 12:10 AM on Nov. 29, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 23 (17,397 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • 17 year old boys are going to look at porn. Thats a FACT. My 13 year old brother does! Sounds to me like your sons father is being a real jerk. I wouldn't get into the middle of it, Your son is a big boy, and can most likely stick up for himself. i am sorry this is happening to you guys, and I hope it works out.

    Answer by Tarrar at 12:15 AM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • The computer belongs to your son. His dad should stay off of it

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:17 AM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • I don't agree that all 17 year old boys are going to look at porn. If they want to, then yes they can find means outside my house, I certainly am not going to supply it (or give them means [ it an unlocked computer] to view it).

    Answer by missanc at 9:28 AM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • Tarrar hit it right on the head!

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 12:29 AM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • I. if you have a good virus protection, that won't be an issue
    2. if he wants to take it away because of that then fine, but that doesn't mean he can use it himself (for any reason)
    3 they all look at porn at this age so if he is OH WELL. I is the computer at your house? if so then it is YOUR RULES. He needs to back off

    Answer by JLS2388 at 12:40 AM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • Netbooks are around $300. He could get his own (if he's working).

    Sounds kinda like your DH may be hiding what he's doing and putting it on you DS, I dunno, maybe not, just based on what u said.

    He may like the privacy his own laptop is providing. I dunno. I think he's gonna look somehow some way. The more your try to find out the more sneaky he's gonna get about it. I'd let it go for now, see if he lets his guard down at all and maybe then you'll catch him at it. On the other hand, your DH is an adult, so we can't really tell them what they can do or not but we can let them know how we feel and hope they respect it. Good luck.

    Answer by Zoeyis at 8:04 AM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • I agree with missanc! I KNOW boys can be interested in porn, but it does NOT have to be via a computer!! If he wants to look at nude women, there are a plethora of MAGAZINES he (or his father) can subscribe to!  The main concern I would have with accessing adult sites on a computer is that SOME of those sites, from what I have read, link to CHILD PORN sites, and your son COULD face being inadvertantly labeled a SEX OFFENDER as a result, if authorities are watching him--and they do randomly watch such sites!!  So I would tell your son be forewarned!! 


    Answer by LoriKeet at 11:18 AM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • I think an open conversation is in order. It is a computer meant for learning not for the dangerous and addictive play of pornography.

    This sounds like a man's conversation that your husband might consider having with his son and grandson (together) they might come up with some rules for the use of he computer and set it to where porn is not able to be accessed with out notice. There are plenty of tracking devices/programs that can assist with keeping him safe and on task.

    If the porn is from his father (as suspected by the Grandfather) then that is a conversation that should be all 3.

    It was generous to get them a computer and you can feel good about that.


    Answer by SFerber at 12:15 AM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • I agree with tarrar..

    Answer by FreeSpriT4eva at 1:09 AM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • The boy's father doesn't live with you, so where is the computer located? My suggestion would be middle of the livingroom, your house, doesn't go to Daddy's house where Daddy might touch it. I'm sure your son has at least one computer savy friend who can remove whatever Daddy did to it, as long as Daddy never sees the darn thing again.

    Answer by LoveMyDog at 11:41 AM on Nov. 29, 2010