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Who's word goes?

My fiance and I are getting married in June and we have a 16 month old son. Since he's been born, I've been trying to get something legally down on paper about who would get custody if me and my fiance were to die. Obviously he would get custody if it was just me, but if it was BOTH of us, I think my parents should get custody. My mother and father are both 10 years younger than my in-laws, in better health, go to church every Sunday, and would make sure my son was raised in a good, healthy environment. However my fiance thinks HIS parents should get our son. Mind you my FIL has had 2 strokes already, my MIL has some heart/lung issues. They live in Florida (we live in Indiana) for half the year. They haven't been to church in 15+ years. All their children, my fiance included, have gotten DUIs and have been arrested. And when we were in high school, they allowed us to drink and smoke pot at their house. That is not the home I would want our son to grow up in. My fiance is not thinking logically...he is just thinking he wants his parents because they are his parents...not who would be the better choice. So my question is, if I got a form written up saying my son goes to MY parents and my fiance refused to sign it...once we are married, would it still count even though my husband would be refusing to agree?


Asked by Ash9724 at 1:12 PM on Nov. 29, 2010 in Religion & Beliefs

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This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • My parents are much younger than my in-laws and we had the same issues when our kids were young. At one time we decided on his sister to keep the girls if something happened to both of us, but after spending one week there, both girls let us know this was not a good fit. We ended up picking my aunt (who is much like an older sister to me). She has children very close in age to our two and is an awesome person. Since we could not decide on one set of parents over another, we went a different route. If you feel that strongly that your inlaws should not raise your kids, you might consider that option. For me, my MIL is the last person I would want raising my children.

    Answer by scout_mom at 1:23 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • My fiance is not thinking logically...he is just thinking he wants his parents because they are his parents...not who would be the better choice.

    You've said all negative things about his parents and only good things about your own. Are you sure he's the only one looking at things like that?

    Answer by NotPanicking at 3:39 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • I understand what you are saying and why you want your parents to have custody. Is it possible to do "joint-custody"?

    Answer by Conley639 at 1:25 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • No, it won't count. You both have to agree.

    Answer by ballewal at 1:15 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • Since this is posted in religion. Do you have God parents for the child? If so, would you trust them in raising your child in that situation. Maybe you should appoint someone that you do trust as God parents and let him participate in that decision and then its a good compromise.


    Answer by bjojola at 1:17 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • You might have to call an attorney on that one. I wouldn't do any paperwork without your fiances knowledge or consent though because it would cause problems in the future when he finds out. I would talk to him about your concerns with his parents health and try to come up with something that you both agree on. Maybe his parents could keep your son throughout the summer every year? That's a very hard decision to make, good luck to you.

    Answer by Sharell8710 at 1:17 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • bjojola, no we do not have God parents and the only other person I would feel comfortable raising my son would be my sister...and that would be only be in the circumstance that my parents were unable...and my fiance wouldn't agree to that either. I just don't know how to make him understand that he needs to think of the best interest of our son...not just the fact that the best choice is not his family.

    Comment by Ash9724 (original poster) at 1:22 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • I do believe that you both have to agree. Has your husband to be sat down and really looked at the pro's and con's of both set of grandparents..And is it important that your son be raised to love and serve the Lord God? To be around the Gospel. Are you and you FH both saved? I would never leave the future of my children in question...Loving and serving God is a must in our home and the person we have chosen to leave our youngest three to has the same desire to spread the Gospel as we do...

    Answer by motherganey5 at 2:54 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • NP : Exactly.... it is a matter of perspective.

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 4:15 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • I agree with NotPanicking too. And religion doesn't make a good family whether you agree or not. They may have also grown up since you were younger and wouldn't let your son drink/drugs even though it was acceptable at one time in their life. You also can't think their too bad if your husband is a lot like his family and you married him.
    As far as their health I could see your reasoning with that, but you never know about your own families health in the future either. This needs to be settled between the two of you. I think a shared custody is a good comprimise then he would have both sets of values and experiences.

    Answer by Roisin07 at 5:25 PM on Nov. 29, 2010