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My husband thinks we should say something, I think it's not our place.

My husband's best friend has a 3 year old little girl that he has sole custody of. The little girl's mom has serious mental issues and has not seen her in 14 months (her choice not his, she has visitation and never shows). Despite knowing very little about children and only having us, his, mom and sister to guide him he is doing a great job.

 I have known this little girl since she was born and she has always seemed a little behind but that is all I thought it was. I chalked it up to not having a lot of social interaction and well having a dad who doesn't really know a lot. Recently though it seems like she has fallen way behind and is not catching up. She is 31/2 and she doesn't really talk in sentences, she whines when she talks, and still babbles a lot. There are other things too, she seems like she is really smart, she knows her colors and alphabet very well, but she cannot follow simple directions like bring me your shoes. Also she cannot drink from a cup, she doesn't swallow and just lets the liquid go all over the place.

 My husband said that his friend is starting to realize the differences between his daughter and ours, but chalks it up to their 5 month age difference. My husband thinks we should say something to him so he can at least get her checked out a possible have early intervention step in. I say it is not our place and their pediatrician will say something if he thinks she is not developing correctly. What do you think?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:29 PM on Nov. 29, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (25)
  • as someone who's first (and fired) ped NEVER asked about any develpmental milestones, I'd say something.....the sooner she gets help, the easier it will be for her to catch up

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 1:31 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • I think I would leave it up to the pediatrician, unless the friend asks you directly what he should do. There could be a lot of reasons for her "delays," leave this to the professionals.

    Answer by Scuba at 1:31 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • I stepped in (with my best friend), and told her I didn't believe her son was where he should be. It hurt her feelings terribly! But she did get him checked out and we now know he is autistic and she is doing a great job with him!


    Answer by bjojola at 1:32 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • I would say something, if he is a real friend. I just realized that, real friends should be completely honest with one another, even when we might hurt someone's feelings it is not for him, it is for his little girl...

    I just realized that now.

    Answer by KFree907 at 1:33 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • I think you should suggest some questions he should ask her doctor, because sometimes, if you don't ask the docs won't ay anything.

    Answer by Shanna84 at 1:33 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • If you consider yourself a good friend, I would say something. There's no harm in bringing the subject up because it could be something serious. GL do what you feel is right

    Answer by Dark-N-Prego at 1:34 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • In the best interest of the child I would say something, just do it gently. Ask him if the pediatrician has checked her development. Sometimes things like not bringing shoes and whining are just the personality of the child but the things that would worry me are the. not being able to drink from a cup and babbling (unless she's doing it on purpose to "baby talk", my sister did that for a long time when she talked to dolls and animals).

    Answer by rhianna1708 at 1:34 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • The professionals don't always care or have time to notice things and they leave up to the parents to say if they think something is wrong. But as you said, this daddy doesn't know all that much about it so he might not really realize whats going on. Honestly, I would get him a book on child development that clearly lists a childs milestones by age so that he can see where his daughter is at.
    And you're in luck, because you could just call it an early Christmas present! lol

    Answer by an-apple-a-day at 1:35 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • I would say something. If it is something serious, the sooner they determine it the better.

    Answer by arenad at 1:35 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • I'd probably say somethinf like "Have you told the dr how she won't swallow liquids? I wonder what that could be from..." That's letting him know that that isn't "normal" and he should ask the dr. Which hopefully in return, will open the door for the dr to ask about other milestones.
    I'm surprised his sister and mother haven't said anything.

    Or there's the possibility that he knows what is hindering her and just doesn't want everyone to know so they don't treat her differently.

    Answer by dmdblleb at 1:37 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

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