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4 Bumps

Does anyone else feel like they are not good enough?

Whenever my SO and I get into an argument, it always goes way further than it has to. I have a hard time letting things go. He says the most mean and hurtful things to me, and I suppose he just expects me to forget all the mean things he says, but I can't. Even after we've made up, I just hold on to it, and it makes me feel so lousy. He always apologizes, and says that he doesn't mean what he says when he's mad. What do you think?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:19 PM on Nov. 29, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • I've been there and felt that... even this weekend. Don't know what to tell you but good luck.
    bjojola

    Answer by bjojola at 2:21 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • i was feeling like that just this morning i am tired of the bs he doesnt call me names or nething like that but his attitude and the way he says other things makes me wonder why i even bother half the time....on a side note i just file it in my mental cabinet for when things really blow up and let him have it i would say once every three months or so we have a nice big blow out i tell him all my feelings and he kisses ass for about a week GL
    hiswifey0725

    Answer by hiswifey0725 at 2:22 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • This is the same with DH and I, I have found I just avoid the argument to begin with. It nevers solves the issue and I am more upset after it than I was before. It is just easier this way.
    tony1638

    Answer by tony1638 at 2:22 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • Yeah, this all went down yesterday. :-( He told me that all I do is make more bills for him to pay, and that my college degree (I will be receiving in July) was all a waste and we're just going to owe a bunch of money because I"m not going to do anything with it. He htinks that I use the excuse of homework/schoolwork so that I don't have to do other things. He works full time sometimes 40+ hours a week, and because I don't do that, I guess he's "better" than me. I work part time, take classes online full time, and take the kids to daycare everyday by myself, I clean up the house and do all the laundry. I just don't think it's fair for him to tell me that I don't do anything and that I'm lazy and my work is never going to pay off. It's very hard to listen to and still feel good about myself. :-(
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:28 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • i had the exact same thing with my husband. no matter what the argument was about he would call me horrid things and then desperately apologize for them later. it never got better, and i got tired of feeling like shit all the time. our divorce was final this year and ive never been happier.
    momslikeme366

    Answer by momslikeme366 at 2:28 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • How do you respond/react during the arguement?

    Does both of your reactions to the other egg on the arguement into "going further than it has too"?

    Or Is it just him alone who pushes the arguemnt further?

    How to change a pattern, or work to change a pattern of reaction, has a lot to do with both parties and how their individual reactions work against one another, which in turns causes an arguement to go too far. In order to change such a pattern, in most cases, it takes both parties learning to communicate with one another better/more affectively, which includes learning how each indviduals reactions/responses contributes to the overall issue.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:29 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • I think people say exactly what they mean when they are mad. The truth comes out, they may be sorry they actually let what they really think come out of their mouth, but none the less... if they didn't think it why would they say it.
    If he is saying things to intentionally hurt you because he is mad that's abusive get out now, it'll only get worse.
    Life is too short to be where we are not loved and cared about.
    Fair fighting stays on the subject at hand, if insults start flying thats dirty and just meant to hurt.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:31 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • My husband is the same way...we get into an argument and he says the nastiest things, including divorce and find another man, etc. and then when all the dust settles he says "you know I say stuff when you get me upset"
    ShouldHaveLeft

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 2:32 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • I deal with the same thing. To the point that it is verbal abuse. I am seeking advice from friends and plan on giving him an ultimatum, to get help or we will separate.
    KristeV

    Answer by KristeV at 2:33 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • My husband can do that. Recently I wrote all the mean things he said down for a month. Then one day when I was feeling particularly crappy about it and he was actually in a good mood and being kind, I pulled the list out and let him read it. He got a tad defensive but I asked him, "How am I to feel like a valued wife when all that crap is floating around in my head?" He got the picture and next time he started to call me a name, he shut up before the whole words could escape his mouth. Men don't understand that women are different and words stick around longer for us. For my part I try to be a better wife and not start arguments if I am able to avoid it. GL.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:40 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

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