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Have you realized you brought it on yourself and now you need to live with it?

I have always put everyone's needs and wants ahead of my own. Now, with my children grown and I have time for myself, I still can't put myself first. DH has always been priority #1 in our family. Every decision I have made has been made wondering what he would like or do. Now, it is the way our life is. I never get what I want even if I say I would like to do this or that. We still do whatever he would prefer, it has gotten to the point where I don't even say what I like or don't like anymore. It is easier to just let him decide than to know he doesn't care what I think. I have tried to put myself first but no matter what I do ~ something comes up and I need to change what I was going to do. I know I brought this on myself, now I just need to learn to live with it. DH won't change now, it is easier to let my own wants go by the wayside.


Asked by Anonymous at 2:30 PM on Nov. 29, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • This also reminds me of my mom and it makes me angry because i see how sad she is...

    Answer by Shanna84 at 2:37 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • I used to do that but I have changed. he has no care about your feelings so you should take a little of yourself back. He is taking you for granted. Put yourself first once in awhile regardless that it might inconvienince him. Soon he will realize that it's no all about him.

    Even if you do something to a certain way, there is nothing that says that you can't change.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 2:33 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • You shouldn't have to let your wants go to the wayside. Relationships should be 50/50 and if they are not or you are not happy, you need to change something. Good luck.

    Answer by Shanna84 at 2:33 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • All I will say it this.

    You can't change him or his behaviours. However, you can change your's. You have the choice. Continue as you are and live with it. Or YOU start making the active choice to change yourself which in turn will change your life as well. One is most definitely the path of least resistance, however the happiness level in that path most likely would not be very high.

    You have no reason not to put yourself first now. Your children are grown, and your husband is also grown. Time for you to put some priority level status upon yourself.

    I share this advice, as another empty nester :-)

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:36 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • If I have learned anything in my 45 years on earth it's can NEVER EVER change someone else BUT you have full control over changing YOU at any age or point in time. With that said...what are you waiting for girl???

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 2:36 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • I'm sorry you feel that way! But honestly that is no way to live! I don't know your husband so I could be way off base here but maybe he just makes the decisions because he knows you usually prefer it that way? I would honestly sit him down and talk to him about it. Maybe he doesn't know how you feel and not saying anything is not helping any one in the long run. He doesn't know how you are feeling and you will continue to grow more and more resentful

    Answer by tnt1014 at 2:38 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • I am only 25 and started realizing a few years back that if I didn't start thinking of myself at least a little now and then, then that is what my life owuld turn into. I decided to change that slowly.

    I think you should demand that the things you like be taken into consideration and done every now and then. You have put everyone else first for far too long.

    Answer by Memigen at 2:38 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • absolutely !! you go for what you want, stop letting other things get in the way. you might actually be surprised by how much your DH will like it. its empowering.

    Answer by momslikeme366 at 2:38 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • Lead, don't follow and you will get your way

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:53 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • To change your situation you will have to change yourself and learn to say "no" and say "I want..." It is a difficult path as I have seen women do it before and what happens is all those around you bulk at the change. They want you to stay the same agreeable person and can't see why you are being difficult. If you stand your ground long enough though, you are bound to change the way people treat you and earn respect for your opinion. But it might be hard to make the change. It will be worth it in the end though. So stand up and say what you want. You will be empowered.

    Answer by bjane01 at 2:54 PM on Nov. 29, 2010