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Need advice-is this bullying? What do I do when the school won't help??

Hi Ladies...I need serious advice! Well, to make a long story short-We have had a major problem lately with a student that used to be friends with my daughter. A few months ago, I got a nasty call from her mom in the afternoon saying that my daughter pushed hers down and the counselor saw it and was involved. I called the counselor-she'd seen no such thing but said that this kid did want to see her. So it all goes down, I meet with the counselor and she tells me this: This girl accused my daughter and lied for 3 hours that my daughter pushed her down when it was the opposite. The girl got busted for lying but the counselor still told me that my daughter wasn't being bullied I guess there was no proof that my daughter had been pushed..but I believe that this girl is bullying my daughter in an odd sort of way. This girl has slowly isolated my daughter by spreading rumors about my daughter and buddying up to any friends she had. My daughter barely has any friends at the time-which highly concerns me....and another thing-after the "school's no contact" rule-the girl is now posting that my daughter turned into a "mini devil" on facebook...and to get at my daughter without directly talking to her, she will go up in class and talk to someone but look straight at my daughter. I'm not sure what this is considered but we cannot stop it from the school. and...Most of it is happening out of school-the girl hanging out with people and spreading rumors or the facebook usage. What can you recommend? I am thinking I'm going to either have to pull my daughter out of this school or take some sort of legal action because the school told me that if I brought it back into school-both children will be suspended. The funny thing is that the counselor told me that my daughter hadn't done anything but "stare" at this kid...and that's not bullying. So how can my daughter also be remprimanded..Is this bullying?
Thanks! Hate to share my drama but this is really getting to me...every chorus concert we have to attend, this girl's mother glares at my daughter and me..I always go away very upset. I really want this to end..I thought it would but even after my daughter avoids her-it seems to drag on and on and on..oh and by the way..if you haven't guessed yet-this kid is a serious compulsive liar-she changes everything my daughter says around.

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Asked by RachelleNH at 7:03 PM on Nov. 29, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 5 (92 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • You may be able to contact facebook & let them know that a user is using their site for cyberbullying and facebook may close the account. As for in school, check your district's anti-bullying policy (every school must have one). If this other girl is spreading rumors about your daughter in school, which is affecting her adversely, then that IS bullying & the school should respond based on their own anti-bullying policy. If you are sure that the girl is breaking the district's anti-bullying policy, you can write a letter to the building principal & "cc" it to the district superintendent. If the girl makes any unwanted physical contact with your DD at all, immediately press charges w/the police dept. to get a record started. I'm sorry this is happening to your DD & I hope you are able to get it resolved soon.

    Answer by mom2aspclboy at 7:16 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • I'm sorry to hear this and I'm actually really shocked that the school wont help because it's the schools job. I would go to the board of education in your county or whoever is above the principle. Try to go to someone in a higher position. This is something I wouldn't just leave alone. I do worry about the stupid mother who obviously has to much time on her hand, she needs to be smacked.


    Answer by Jenaiko01 at 7:20 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • I agree with the first poster 100% first off you need to contact facebook administration right away and I believe that they WILL shut down her profile, that wont stop her from opening a new one but it should teach her to watch what she writes, if not and it continues then contact them again until it stops. Also if that girl pushed your daughter at school you need to march your butt into the principals office and DEMAND that they pull the tapes (now days I think all schools have cameras) that girl should be suspended for her actions and if she continues to harass your daughter make it clear to the school that there will be charges brought against the school for allowing that kind of behavior. If you continue to run into problems I wouldn't hesitate to change schools with your daughter, you said that she doesn't have a lot of friends so chances are she would be open to the suggestion. Good Luck

    Answer by AshleyBishop06 at 7:48 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • We've already run the facebook route..and my daugter removed and blocked her..what she's doing is making comments on friends's walls ...fb only allows you to report or we just report it every time and they remove it. I feel like I'm backed into a corner here-I've never seen anything like this kid or her mother..I think I'm going to change her school next year..this school happens to be in a very richey-rich neighborhood-which we don't live in-but it's the districted school-so maybe there's a charter school which might be smaller and easier to control. This school has a bad reputation for fighting, drugs and guns...they had to remove all lockers for that reason.

    Comment by RachelleNH (original poster) at 8:30 PM on Nov. 29, 2010

  • have talk to the school board they will help a friends daughter went through this and she pressed chargers on the girl
    and the bully was kicked out of school ,
    my daughter had boy bulling her when he touch her breast she kicked his nuts and his parents could not understand why my daughter would hit him ,i told her that i raise my boys not to touch or hit girls i hope you taught your kids the same if not i have three sons that love to kick your son ass in the next time he makes a pass at my daughter ,does that work for you she never came near me or my daughter and the boy was told my son's if ever touch my sister you will be sorry ,oh yes the school kick my daughter and the boy out of school for a week,and two teachers watch the hole thing no one stoped it ,

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 1:32 AM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • It's pretty bad when you can't go to the school for daughter fears that if I call that resource officer again-she will get the punishment..but I saved all the mom's angry theatening emails and notifiied facebook last night that this kid is attacking her on other friend's walls..I thought about removing my daughter from facebook entirely but it wouldn't be fair because of one kid. This has been going on for months-I just wish it would end!

    Comment by RachelleNH (original poster) at 1:12 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Im the mom of a 14 yr old girl with Aspergers. For the most part they look normal but they are different.
    She has been bullied since the 3rd grade. It has done horrible emotional damage to her and I went to the school, talked to teachers, principals and counselor to no avail. Once we got to JH i had to go to the principal because my daughter was receiving text messages from another lil girl threatening to beat her up at school. I went to the principal first thing, showed her the text messages and she also had me forward them to her phone and I told her FLAT out, your shcool has an anti bully policy and you better enforce it, my daughter has been harrassed for years and ill be damned if we will deal with it anymore. You can either stop this BS or I will go over your head to the super and if that doesnt work I will go over his head to the TEA.

    It sounds like though for u it might be easier just to change schools

    Answer by Sandyr911 at 5:38 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Document, document, document! Try to get print outs of what is being said on others' FB walls - although probably the school won't do much with it because they'll say it isn't on school grounds. If the school has big problems with violence & drugs, then bullying is, sadly, low on their list of priorities. If a charter school is available to you, I would definitely look into it!

    Answer by sweetpotato418 at 5:57 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Hon, get your dd OUT OF THAT SCHOOL! Do this first and foremost!! Then, go back to this school (get a copy of the school's anti-bullying policy if possible, if you don't already have it. It should be in her handbook. Take this, all of the other evidence (e.g. text messages, emails, etc) to the police. File charges against the girl, her mom AND the school. Then take all the evidence AND a copy of the police report to the biggest most commonly known attorney in town and sue the socks off all 3 of them! This is a MAJOR thing! Do NOT let it go! You AND your dd deserve compensation for all the hell this girl, her mom and the school have put you both through by doing nothing about it and sitting with their thumb up their asses!!

    Answer by Babylove76 at 10:30 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

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