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I want another baby.... I need real advice.

My husband does not want anymore children. We were blessed with our baby girl 13 months ago. He was deployed when she was born and missed the first 11 months of her life. Not to mention he was not here to see the work and money that goes into having a baby. Now I am ready to start trying for # 2 and he is very much against it. He loves our daughter so much don't get me wrong. They are the best of friends now that he has been home for a while. Do you think it is just the shock of it all?? I don't want a huge age gap between our kids. I also don't want to rush him into another child and have him resent it. Has any one else had this problem?


Asked by Anon344 at 1:35 AM on Nov. 30, 2010 in Trying to Conceive

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Answers (6)
  • My husband wasn't thrilled about the idea of a second, either. But, when it happened, he accepted it and now (obviously) loves both our boys immensely. He even brings up getting the third over with every now and again... ;)

    Look at it from your husbands perspective. It doesn't feel like he has a 13 month old, it feels like he has a two month old. He's still really new to this parenting thing in relation to what you've experienced and he's going to need time to adjust before thinking about another.

    13 months is YOUNG. You've got a good year or two before you need to worry about having too big of a gap between them. So, give him time to adjust and don't pressure him. Bring it back up once he's more comfortable with his role as a father and has a better grip on everything.

    And he'd never resent a child. It's really impossible... those little things just steal your heart away with no mercy!

    Answer by LeanneC at 1:45 AM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Its probably too soon for him. 13 months is still very young and he's only been around for 2 months. He's still getting used to the daughter that you too have...he hasn't watched and seen her grow for the past year like year. I would wait another 6 months to a year and then talk to him about it again. You have plenty of time

    Answer by LindsayLL at 8:07 AM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I meant more that he might resent me for the fact that I got pregnant when he wasn't ready... I should have worded that differently.

    Comment by Anon344 (original poster) at 1:51 AM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Takes two to tango, sweetheart. You can't get pregnant all on your own (unless you're lying to him about BC or something... which I would NOT recommend!). Give him some time and I bet he'll come around. It's just a lot to take in right now.

    Answer by LeanneC at 1:54 AM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Try asking him why he doesn't want a second child?

    Could be a money issue or something that is a real reason to not have another.

    Answer by AbsoluteSelf at 4:22 AM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • He is probably afraid that he will not get to see the next baby for 10 months or however long he might be gone. I would have another baby now or soon, you guys dont want to wait to long, because us women can only be fertile for so long. And if you wait too long your kids wont have that close bond. He will be happy when he holds that baby in his arms for the first time. Try again

    Answer by 1Angeland3Girls at 1:45 AM on Nov. 30, 2010