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Wanting my child to be safe

My ex husband and I have been divorced 4 months...separated all together 1 year. In this last year my daughter has already met 2 women. The first one my daughter said they all slept in the same bed...of course he denies it. This last one he is still talking to. He denies it all saying he's not seeing anyone, Im not digging for info from my daughter she tells me what she does when shes with him. I don't care that he's seeing other people (although its quick). Am I in the wrong to ask to know who's around my daughter? I was abused by an ex-step mom and I don't want that to happen to my daughter...my ex says trust his judgement....lol...he cheated 2 times has 6 ex wives and a son he never met....his judgement doesn't look so great. I havent started seriously dating...and i have never even brought guy friends around my daughter...I don't want to confuse her. How can I go about telling him my feelings without him thinking I'm jealous or will attack this woman? Im not immature...and not to mention she should be more worried about him hurting her then me. Advice please.

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proudmama101906

Asked by proudmama101906 at 2:17 AM on Nov. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Level 9 (304 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • You are definitely not in the wrong about wanting to know who your DD is around while she is with your ex. I would demand it. You cannot be too safe these days. Does he know that you were abused by an ex-stepmom? If not, and you are comfortable with it, you could lay it out like you had this happen to you and it was a woman and you want to avoid this happening to her. If he does know, then I would remind him. I would tell him that sadly his judgment doesn't mean much considering his track record with you, but that he can gain your trust by being completely open with you in telling you the ppl he's bringing around DD. If this doesn't work, I would consider seeking professional advice. HTH.
    Chocolatespring

    Answer by Chocolatespring at 2:35 AM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • well the way I understand this is you cannot do anything. You can be the parent you are and when he visit he will parent the way he is. Divorce and co-parenting must be difficlt but I only can suggest to watch and listen to your baby. In time she will make her own conclusions.
    rosetoes

    Answer by rosetoes at 2:59 AM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • sorry momma i am in the same boat as you , i want to know the women my ex is having the children around, but unless you want him to control who you see you cant controll who he sees.......just listen to your daughter and and always ask how its going at daddy's house when she comes back from a visit( as in how as the visit went, not dig for info on the new gf) good luck
    cara124

    Answer by cara124 at 8:54 AM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • how old is your daughter??
    JazzyJes

    Answer by JazzyJes at 12:30 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I agree with rosetoes, unfortunately, you can't do much. If you are on good terms with your ex, you can calmly speak to him and voice your concerns or send him a message. It just depends on your relationship on how he will take the information. My ex gets defensive whenever I mention anything that may put him in a bad light. It sucks because it's about the children, but it's not under our control since we are no longer married to them. Keep communication open with your child, don't pry, but let her know you are always there for her no matter what and she can talk to you about anything. It's terrifying not knowing who is around your children and whether or not they're safe, but be strong, keep your ears open.
    MeandMyBabes

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 12:32 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • just about every mother wants to know who is around and interacting with her child. my bf has a 6 yr old daughter that lives with her mother and although we are not 'friends' i still keep a friendly relationship with her and treat her daughter as if she were my own because thats what i would want from me if i was her. we do sometimes worry about her mothers current bf since they all live together but his daughter has never complained and says they have fun together even just the 2 of them. and also oddly enough my, my bf and his daughter have had to share a bed before when we stayed with his family a few days. i put him in the middle cuz she kicks lol
    fryjm516

    Answer by fryjm516 at 12:28 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

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