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2 Bumps

GREEDY Sister-in-Law, helpless Father-in-Law. HELP!

Hubby and I found out a few weeks ago that his father and step-mom are doing pretty bad financially. They lost their business a few years ago, his step-mom lost her job she had a few months ago and his dad got into a serious auto accident that made him unable to work. They lost their house and business and are now about to file bankruptcy soon. They finally got unemployment back payment for the last 12 weeks (only $115. a week) and it's only enough to help them for the next 2 months. Hubby and I have offered help to them, whatever they need, money for Rx's, etc...
Recently my sister-in-law came into about $40-$50 thousand dollars and have splurged on a new boat, camper, computer, etc... (she's been waiting for her big break to move for a while, so she claims). Since the money, she has completely isolated herself from EVERYONE in the family, so no one has their hands out asking for $. (understandable to a certain extent). The position we're in right now is pretty much the same as my FIL, but we're willing to help them and give them what we can, and us go without. I mean, come on, they are his parents.
Yesterday we met with them for a few hours and talked and visited. We got on the subject of my SIL and how no one has heard from her (she used to call and text everyone almost daily!!). We decided to go on and tell FIL about the money she came into and how she's being completely selfish and not even wanting to help her FATHER who can't pay for his medicine. FIL is VERY hurt about this and finally is seeing how she is. A few years ago they were willing to sign for a house and piece of property for her and they told her she could pay them back whenever she was able to. (she decided not to do that though).
FIL has bent over backwards to help us at times, and we're repaying him by doing the same thing. Were we wrong to tell him what kind of financial position my SIL is in? He's very hurt, but at the same time we felt he should know that she was pretty much leaving him under the bus to fend for himself, when in pervious years he's tried to help her with so much!
Should we have not said anything? What should we have done?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:48 AM on Nov. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • You had to tell him, I know he is hurt but this way he is full aware of the position that she is in and if the situation ever arises, he knows how to handle her. I think thats real crappy on her part to not pay him back the money she owes him, let alone just help him out cause its her father. Id flat out go to her and tell her what you think, she owes him that money and she better learn exactly how grateful she should be to have someone like him.

    Answer by kellyhopper at 9:55 AM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I would have probably told had I been in your same position. I would go a step further and email her or write her a letter reminding her that she did borrow money from him and he really needs it now because of the financial position he is in. The rest is up to her. I believe in the whole what comes around goes around so hopefully she does the right thing.

    Answer by okmommy08 at 9:56 AM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I would have because he deserves to know how much she could be doing for him.

    Answer by JLS2388 at 9:57 AM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • You were right to tell him. No one wants to find out that their kids have turned their back on them, but if I were in that situation I would want to know.

    Answer by scout_mom at 10:00 AM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • A few years ago they were willing to sign for a house and piece of property for her and they told her she could pay them back whenever she was able to. (she decided not to do that though).

    SIL decided not to let FIL sign for the property and the house. She didn't want to "owe" anyone money or anything, so she remained in her little trailer. So she doesn't technically owe him anything (money wise).

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:00 AM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • You sound bitter towards the SIL and it sounds like you enjoyed hurting your fil by telling him about the money. You don't know why she is staying away from everyone. I would stay away from you too since it is pretty clear you think she should give you and everyone else money. The amount of money she got isn't that much not like she is wealthy now.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:10 AM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • #1. I never once stated I thought she should give me money. I could care less how much money she has, I don't need her money. #2. I didn't tell my father in law about it, my husband did. WHICH IS HIS SISTER! #3. I said I think she should help out her own father who has always helped her.

    If you don't have a positive response, keep your stupidity to yourself. Dumb ass.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:19 AM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I think you should have told him. He deserves to know. But she is not required to help him. What you did not tell us is how she came into this money. I think its important. And you didn't mention if she has a family of her own. Because $50K is NOT alot of money. Its not going too far. She wants things that would make her life fun. Why Not? Sure she should offer her father some. A few 100 or $1000, but thats it. Why weren't they prepared in case of an accident? Why didn't they sell their business or house before they lost it? They could have been prepared for this. I have spoken to my husband and there are two things I do not want to be when we are in our golden years. Raising our grandkids is one and Being a Burden on our kids is the other. As a parent, I would much rather my child enjoy that money than take care of us!!!

    Answer by eluc at 10:21 AM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I was raised to help out like you've done. Its your dh parents for crying out've said how they help you...I would have done the same thing but the sil would be on my shitlist until further notice. Good luck! And happy thoughts for all

    Answer by elyssek832 at 11:05 AM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I think you were right to tell him.

    Answer by thatgirl70 at 11:24 AM on Nov. 30, 2010

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