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So this is how I know I'm doing the right thing.

I had my child when I was only fourteen and now she is four and I'm already trying to instill in her that she should be married before she has kids. The other day she was talking about having kids and I said but what do you have to do first and she replied with "find a boyfriend and marry him." Then she turned to my mom and said "mommy didn't do it right." All I could do was laugh and agree with her. So do you think I'm doing the right thing?

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iluvmm09

Asked by iluvmm09 at 12:24 PM on Nov. 30, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 15 (2,277 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • aww...that's cute! I am sure you learned from your mistake..and she is learning also. Great job!
    LoveMyKids0203

    Answer by LoveMyKids0203 at 12:26 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • She's smart enough to learn from what mommy did in her youth. Good! You're doing a great job, mama!
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 12:29 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I certainly do think you are doing the right thing! I am currently giving you a cyber hug!!!!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:29 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Absolutely. My mom was a teen mom and while she wasn't the world's best at sex education, I did know that I didn't want her life. It sounds bad, but it isn't meant to be. I just know there were things that she wanted to do and never had the chance because she had kids so young. Kudos on teaching your daughter, I wish more people would!
    rhianna1708

    Answer by rhianna1708 at 12:31 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Yes and no. If she wants to have kids later in life, why should she settle for a man just so she can have kids? I would much rather a child think that they need to be financially independent and secure.
    ballewal

    Answer by ballewal at 12:32 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Kudos to you. While I get ballewal's idea, financially secure to a 4 year old is having a full piggy bank. Telling a preschooler she has to be financially independent and secure is a bit beyond their scope of understanding at this point. There's time to address those options. Not to mention, that for many, married then kids is *still* the ideal order.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with your approach. Fwiw, I did get married first, then have kids. And my kids think it's the only way to do it too. When they're a bit older, I'm sure they'll understand it's not that simplistic, but it's a starting point. Do they ask questions? Sure, they assume my SIL was married to her ex because she has a child. They're 8 and 6. When they're developmentally ready to handle some sex ed, we can talk about the reality of the world where not everyone is married -- and then follow it up with talk about the ideal.
    ldmrmom

    Answer by ldmrmom at 12:41 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

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