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3 Bumps

What would you do? would you....

Try over & over to have a relationship with your Father, or just stop trying if he wants nothing to do with you? I still send him xmas cards with my kids picture... not sure why sometimes.... but maybe it makes him feel bad for not loving his kids or wanting us since we were really little. Maybe that is....what would you do?


Asked by sarasmommy777 at 12:56 PM on Nov. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Level 35 (70,598 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • If it makes you feel better in any way to send the cards, keep on sending them. But please try not to expect him to change. I think the great danger lies in having expectations that anything you do or say will change his heart. I've dealt with a person like this in my life, but it wasn't my dad. And it did make me feel better to send a card at Christmas if only to say "I'm still here and still willing to try." That's about the best you can do in these situations.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:59 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Keep sending the cards. Your doing it for you not him and that makes you the bigger person.

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 12:57 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Keep the hand out and open... and never expect anything to come of it.

    My behaviour is never based on what I expect to change in the world, just what I believe is right or true. If I wanted a relationship with someone, I would keep gently saying so (one way or another) forever. If I didn't, I wouldn't.

    I would not want any relationship with someone when my main goal with them is to make them feel badly.

    Answer by LindaClement at 12:59 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I would say "Dad your here now let's just move forward".. That is all you can do.

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 1:00 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I would keep sending them, obviously there is a reason you started sending them in the first place. So don't stop to spare his feelings any.

    Answer by bellsandheels at 12:58 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • i quit trying last spring...i did give it one last try (for my brothers sake because he was being deployed..but he denied me once again) Ya, give and you give and it hurts not to get any love in return. There comes a time when you need to stop giving. He will be the one that is sorry one day. It really hurts to put all that effort into trying and for him not to take notice and return a card or even a phone call doesnt it? I would stop. I did. I feel better just not thinking of him anymore. You will probably never know his reasoning and you may not want to know but atleast you know in your heart that you tried.

    Answer by shay1130 at 1:02 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I have been trying to decide the Exact same thing! Wishing you lots of luck!

    Answer by daisyb at 2:58 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Personally, I wouldn't bother with him if he doesn't bother with you.

    ould people think any differently if this was just an acquaintence and nto your father? Yes, they would say to you to give up and stop wasting your time.

    Well, if he has stopped showing you affection and caring then he has become an acquaintence.

    Sorry you're going through this. :(

    Answer by Memigen at 3:01 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I feel ya. My real father never claimed that I even blonged 2 him til I got married & had him a grandson. Then all of a sudden bam. He's helped me when he could with what he could since then, but I'm still not real close 2 him. I'd say 2 just leave it alone if he's not even responding 2 u. U can't make him want what he doesn't want. He'll regret his actions later on. Just remember, it's not yall's lose, it's his.
    Good luck with whatever u decide 2 do.

    Answer by amy197 at 3:25 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Lindaclement thanks for your comment but idk why i keep sending i think trying to make him feel bad may be a tiny part of it when he sees how big his grandkids are every year but i think its maybe some hope of a changed heart from him since he is so cold i don't intentionally want to do anything to anyone - he is my father all i ever wanted was love & acknowledgment & yes I am trying to be the bigger better person in this ugly picture thanks shouldhaveleft.


    Comment by sarasmommy777 (original poster) at 1:03 PM on Nov. 30, 2010