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help with a lying child

My nine year old son has been having issues with lying and I am not sure whre he is getting this from and it's really bothering me.. a few examples are he said that hi uncle lost his stylist for his DS i XL not him... and another is we wet out to dinner and he said his brother said he hates my boyfriend and thought he was ugly etc well my youngest son is autistic and does not speak like that since his lang skills are not at that level.. please help I don' t know how to handle ths.. Sitting down and talking to him or taking stuff/toys away is not working..
Thank you!!

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:33 PM on Nov. 30, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (7)
  • My DD went through a phase like that. Every time I caught her lying, I would tell her that I knew she was lying, and if she didn't tell the truth she was going to be punished. The punishments weren't that effective (taking away privileges), but when I started questioning every little thing she said, she realized that once trust is broken it's hard to get it back. It took her about a year honestly, but she's a straight shooter now.

    Answer by Scuba at 3:36 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Children who are afraid of the consequences of reality often put considerable effort into evading reality.

    Remove the incentive to lie by making reality more acceptable than fantasy. That means that when you find out the truth, you nod and say nothing at all. No punishment, no 'told you so,' no threats... just 'thank you for telling me' in body language and words...

    Having found yourself in a position where you have a child who believes you prefer lies to the truth (because that's exactly what the results tell him --the fact that you meant something else or hoped he'd understand something else is irrelevant, you are where you are) you are going to have to spend concentrated effort to make it untrue for him. By proving it: accept the truth with joy 100% of the time. Anything you do, even once, will undo all of your efforts and you'll have to start again.

    Answer by LindaClement at 3:42 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I 've read sometimes we need to ignore the unwanted behavior. Try ignoring it for sometime and see what happens.

    Answer by MarGeee at 3:44 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • The second example (about your bf) is your son trying to communicate HIS feelings with you but probably scared of getting in trouble. I'd spend some quality time with him and assure him that he can tell you anything without getting in trouble.

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:25 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • My mom made it a point to tell us I know your lying. She asked all the time and made us feel bad when we did not with taken stuff away theres always more stuff but by letting us know we were letting her down by lying. She made sure that when we did tell the truth she praised it even b4 the punishment came in for the act as a whole.

    Answer by Geusheez at 6:49 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Try ignoring his lying and see what happens. He could be lying to gain attention. In the case of the second example, it sounds like he is trying to express how he feels without hurting your feelings or getting into trouble for expressing them. Take time to talk to him without the BF present. Spend some time with just him. Dinner at a favorite restaurant and have a talk with him.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 7:18 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Just verify every thing he tells you. My daughter went through this. Don't punish him for telling the truth. If he tells you it is raining then go to the window and check. If he tells you Uncle Bobby did it call uncle Bobby. Don't let him get away with it. This lasted about two weeks before my daughter stopped.

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 1:07 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

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