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What's an appropriate consequence??

On Sunday, literally 5 minutes before she walked out the door, I gave my 16 yo daughter some papers and a check to give to the pastor at our church. She was going to youth group and the papers were for her and my 2 other kids to go on a church trip. But when I saw the pastor yesterday and asked him about it, he said he didn't get it. When I asked her, she said she forgot. I mean, WTF - I handed them to her AS SHE WAS WALKING TO THE DOOR!!! This isn't the first time this has happened and I'm getting so pissed that I can't depend on her to remember something for more than 2 seconds. This time there has to be a SERIOUS consequence but I'm so pissed off about it I can't think straight for a reasonable consequence. If she were 6, I'd let it go and remind her that she has to remember stuff but she's 16!!! And an honor roll student so she's not stupid either. Help before I tell her I just "forgot" to pick her up after school today.


Asked by ceallaigh at 3:42 PM on Nov. 30, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 24 (19,921 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I wouldn't let her go on the church trip with the other kids because this is a pattern with her. If it were an occasional thing, I'd ground her, but at 16 she needs to be responsible.

    Answer by Scuba at 3:45 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I don't think this is a huge issue. I wouldn't punish for this. Be happy you have a good girl who goes to church for fun!

    Answer by mompam at 3:48 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I'm not saying your request is unreasonable in any way, but part of my feels like that's the risk you take when you ask someone to do you a favor, even if it's your own child. Some people just aren't dependable.

    That being said, forgetting to pick her up, or just being late, might not be a bad idea. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

    Answer by UpSheRises at 3:45 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • At 16 she's still a child....children make mistakes and yes forget things. Unless it was deliberate, I don't think she should be in trouble...but that's just my opinion.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:46 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Sorry, but if you had wanted those papers to get there, you should have taken them there yourself. Teenagers are NOT adults.
    If I want something done for sure, I do it myself, I do not ask my teens to do them.
    While asking a 16 yr old to be responsible is not unreasonable, you also need to remember when you were a teen....your mind was on getting TO youth group, seeing all your friends, having fun, and not necessarily on the papers that mom gave you.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 3:49 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • As the papers were not just for her, but for your other kids too, it's not really her job to do it. Yes you asked her to do it and YES she forgot to, but she is still a child and she was doing something that was a job for a parent. She was doing you a favor. I don't think she should be punished for this. If a 16 year old are as responsible as adults then the age of maturaty would be 16. You seem to have a very good daughter would wants to go on a church trip and go to youth group, be greatful

    Answer by JLS2388 at 4:13 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Quite frankly I wouldn't punish a child for something they didn't do deliberately. I have 2 sons who live close by and they are 18 and 24 and I honestly cannot tell you how many times they have forgotten simple things. On Thanksgiving we sent them out to the garage to get screws to put up the table for our guests and they started playing a game of basketball...they saw the ball, they saw a chance to play and they did. No reaons to get angry. On Sunday my 18yo ren up to the store to buy pancake mix and he forgot his dad's bank card that was sitting on the table...he had to come back and get it. Nothing to get upset about. Our children had specific chores that they HAD to do and if they forgot..they got in to trouble. Other things like picking something up, dropping something off, running an errand, etc. has always been an asked for favor not an expected act. Important papers...MY responsibilty, NEVER theirs.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:30 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I could understand if I had given it to her even an hour beforehand but it was AS SHE WAS GOING OUT THE DOOR!! I just am fed up with this behavior and I need something that'll make it stick with her. The cell phone was my first thought, too, but I need something different. Taking away the cell phone and computer seems to have become the "fall back" consequence and I just feel this needs more or at least different.

    Comment by ceallaigh (original poster) at 3:50 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I'd say that you're a pretty slow learner.

    While it's popular to use children as Cinderellas, porters, couriers and broadcast media, they're individual, independent human beings. Her behaviour is trying to explain to you the difference between slavery and family.

    You might feel that whatever you expect from your daughter is completely reasonable, or you're entitled or something, or all your friends agree, or it was much worse for you (which, I promise, is totally irrelevant to your daughter)... but she clearly disagrees.

    It's interesting, to me, the difference in results between people who hold these expectations compared, as a random example, to me. My kids are responsible for their stuff, generously help out all the time in any way they can, volunteer, and cooperate all the time. They have, in their lives, lost nothing that was not stolen and do not forget things they've agreed to do.

    I didn't make that so, they did.

    Answer by LindaClement at 3:54 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • So I'm supposed to be their slave and chauffeaur and personal assistant but I don't get to expect them to do anything but sit around on their lovely little a$$es? Sorry but my mama didn't bring me up that way. I was raised to help out at home, to do what was asked of me, especially if it was to benefit me (as this clearly was since she's the one who asked to go on the trip). And I do and will continue to expect that of my own children. If I find that I can't, then they're going to find out how boring it is to sit at home all the time with no tv, computer, cell phone, money, or rides to the mall.

    Comment by ceallaigh (original poster) at 4:03 PM on Nov. 30, 2010