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2 Bumps

Should I marry him...

I am set to marry on Jan. 1, 2010, we are both divorced. He has a grown daughter who he is still supporting in a condo he bought, paying all her bills, (except gas and groceries) paid for her college and gave her $400 a month spending money even though she worked. I have asked that we not be paying for his adult child when we marry, especially since she has had a full time job since July making more money than is soon to be wife. He gets mad when I bring it up and he has made a bunch of excuses. I don't hink he is ever going to stop buying her affection. I am even considering calling of the engagement. Any one with advice?

Answer Question

Asked by songbird179 at 4:59 PM on Nov. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • If this situation is a deal-breaker, then call off the engagement.

    Answer by ballewal at 5:01 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • if you're questioning it now, finding it weird and bothersome now..... being legally binded to that mess will not help things. it will strain your new marriage in a bad bad way

    Answer by hibbingmom at 5:01 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Do you mean Jan 2011? In another month? If he can not agree to stop this then I think you need to accept it. If you can not accept it you need to reconsider the marriage. These are the kinds of things that need to be resolved before marriage and can eat away at someone and be a sore spot forever. It will only get worse after you are married, not better. I wish you all the best.

    Answer by elizabr at 5:04 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • if this is making you want to call for engagement then you are not ready to marry this guy

    let me ask, is him giving her all this money hurt your bottom line, i mean can he afford to do this, is it taking food off your table
    if not, what is it that bothers you about this

    Answer by fiatpax at 5:04 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • No. I don't think you should marry him. It sounds like you are too far apart on financial issues and that is not likely to get anything but worse. So I would just break it off now.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:10 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • how is your relationship with his daughter?
    if he stops giving her cash when he marrys you
    - will that not put a wedge in the relationship between you and her, maybe her and him too

    Answer by fiatpax at 5:20 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • i wouldn't but that's just me. if he was super rich i still wouldn't agree to this. she is a grown women and needs to find her own way in life. also i would be upset if he still expected me to work but not his daughter. that would be a double standard. anyway there are only 2 options live it being this way or not marry him.

    Answer by melody77 at 5:40 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • How long have you been dating this man? What if he continues to pay her way?

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 5:44 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • If you have to ask "Should I marry him" then the answer is NO!!!

    If you are not 100% certain then you should not do it, and by having to ask total strangers "Should I" then you are obviously not 100%, so save yourself the heartache and the expense of a 2nd divorce and do not marry this person

    Answer by Maureen-MD at 5:56 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • If I were making the money and I wanted to give to my children, a spouse who objected based on some random moral judgment, would piss me off. It would be a deal breaker for ME (the one with the child). If I were supplementing my child's drug habit, then that's a different matter.

    Answer by charlottej at 6:00 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

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