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Does anyone else not give a flying EFF that your husband needs 20 minutes to decompress when he gets home from work?

He's on my last nerve tonight, lol. I work from home, for an employer, not some home business BS, a real job. I earn almost as much as he does. I also have my son, 3.5, home with me every day, and my daughter, who is 5 goes to Kindergarten 1/2 day. I do it ALL and I do it ALL DAY LONG, I have no time to decompress during the day, why is it that when he walks in he can have this attitude with the kids, and me for that matter, to give him a break, he "just got home" and needs time to change, check sports scores, his Facebook, etc. Why do men think they get this luxury? Does he have any idea that my kids don't give a rat's ass that I'd like some time to myself too? Shoot, they don't give a rat's ass if I need to take a work call or get a spreadsheet in, etc... why on EARTH does he think this is ok for him? ACK! I know many men are like this....but WHY?? I'm so freaking over it!


Asked by gramsmom at 6:26 PM on Nov. 30, 2010 in Relationships

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This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • my DH and I used to have that fight non stop. He now works a job where he comes home at 10:30pm though and has escaped all the chaos. Lucky bastard. I feel your pain, though..... you sound like u need more "ME" time, stat

    Answer by hibbingmom at 7:09 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Tell him that's what the drive home is for

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:28 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I completely agree with you. But i think the reason might be that men have tempers and most of the time when getting home they need to cool off from whatever pissed them off at work...lest they take it out on you or the kids without meaning to. Most of the time i dont mind. But when i need a break i take my DH by the shoulders and tell him...I need to take a walk/drive..

    Answer by chanelsparkels at 6:30 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I need 20 minutes to unwind when I come home from a hard days work also and I give him the same respect. It is completely understandable to want that time to relax.

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 6:55 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Why? Probably because he doesn't know what it's like to be you and be "on" all the time? Have you discussed it with him? I do agree that he can drive in peace and "decompress" that way. The other things; checking scores and whatnot, can wait until the children go to bed. Is he jumped on the minute he gets into the house? That can be overwhelming even if he did get to decompress in the car. Walking into chaos is difficult.

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 7:00 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • angrythat would piss me off too


    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 6:31 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I know how you feel. I run an in-home licensed daycare for 7 kids and have 3 kids of my own. I work from 7am - 5:30pm 5 days a week. My husband works nights. That means that when my job is done I still have to cook dinner, give baths, do laundry, do homework with the kids, and get the house clean for the next day. When he gets home everything is done and he kicks back to watch tv because everyone is asleep. Then in the morning he takes the kids to school comes back home and crawls back into bed til he feels like getting up. He had the nerve this morning to get upset because he had to run through the drive thru at the bank to make a deposit on his way back from taking the kids in. Ugh, men!

    Answer by jnd951999 at 6:34 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Sounds like your fighting a losing battle so the only way to deal with it is to work around it. Listen, the minute he walks in, have your car keys in your hand and yell as your running out the door..."gotta run an errand...bye". Go to the the a friends house for an hour. Don't answer his calls and let him deal with the chaos for a while.

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 6:44 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Just because you have obvious needs does not mean that he doesn't . It is completely reasonable that he ask for this time. You should give it to him, then after he's had his time, go in the bedroom shut the door and take your time. You both win that way.

    Answer by bjane01 at 7:23 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • worriedmommy, I'd love some time to decompress. Like I said, I work from home now, but when I was still going to the office I didn't get decompression time, I drove straight to preschool, got the kids, in the house with backpacks and dirty lunch containers and had to immediately start dinner. Chaos started immediately. How do YOU get time to yourself immediately when arriving home?? Its just not an option as a mother of two 5 and under.

    Comment by gramsmom (original poster) at 7:14 PM on Nov. 30, 2010