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2 Bumps

Trying to communicate with Ex for the sake of our daughter...but there is so much anger inside me.

so it's been 4 months that we broke up. We were together for 12 yrs and through me for a complete loop when I learned that he was seeing someone else. I cant' even find a way to communicate with him because he just continues to do things that we supposedly agree and then does something else. I will admit I am very bitter and angry it is so bad that I even took it out on my mom...I fell like a horrible person. When I kicked him out because i found this text from another girl that was it I packed his bags and kicked him out. I told him that the least he could do is help me get on my feet being that this occurred unexpectedly and I had just gone part time with his support.

Fast forward to thanksgiving he asked me when do I think it would be a good time to introduce our daughter to his GF I told him that he should wait that it was too soon. Regardless he went ahead and did it any way, I felt like he added salt to my wounds. In addition, we have a financial arrangement that he is not keeping to the full extent to the point that I may get evicted by next month. I have some savings and maybe able to get by for a month or 2. Have been looking for 2nd job....no luck. So we cant even talk without fighting he acts disrespectful but demands respect I had asked him to keep his distance from me till I cool off. But thingd have occurred that have forced us to speak for the sake of our daughter. I told him that I filed a petition for child support and that if we cant agree on raising our daughter or agreeing that we could use a mediator.....he feels that money can be towards our daughter. I feel that if we cant come to terms then it's a mediator or just pursue custody/visitation rights to avoid any additional fights.

He now wants for us to try it alone w/out mediation....I agreed but he does not communicate and uses his mother to drop her off or make arrangements. The lady barged in my house w/out notice I was so pissed that i asked her to kindly step out and told her i was not comfortable with her coming in my house till i resolved things with her son. It's so hard to deal with this because she has always been over bearing and he never was able to handle me and his mothers differences. So glad I don't have to deal with her anymore I can treat her the way I really feel direct and indifferent. Him cheating on me has left me angry bitter and resentful I'm trying to work on that but it is difficult things happened so fast...I know it will get better but it just seems like I am in a rut :(

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:07 PM on Nov. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Don't feel bad for having resentment towards him. It's his fault. If you both can't communicate I think its a good idea for a mediator.
    sweetpea1217

    Answer by sweetpea1217 at 7:11 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I can only imagine how you feel, you are in a hard situation but always remember that he might be a scum bag but he is still the father of your child and if it means to swallow your pride for her sake then do it. Once the hurt wines down and you can think straight, and you are on your own two feet, things will get better. You deserve a man who is trustworthy and loyal, so maybe this happened for the best. Hang in there mom, all of this can only get better.
    older

    Answer by older at 7:12 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I think you need to take a step back and breathe. I am going through a divorce with 3 kids right now. I am trying REALLY hard to be friends with my ex. At first he was being a total ass about it, and it pissed me off, but I had to remember that it wasn't about me, it was about my kids. No matter how angry he made me, I needed to keep calm to make this easier on them. Eventually he realized that I wasn't going to fight with him, and now we're ok (hopefully it will stay that way)
    tndsmomma28

    Answer by tndsmomma28 at 7:12 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Also, about the new GF. There isn't anything that you can do about it, she's a part of his life (at least for right now). If she doesn't last, there will be a new GF to get used to. You are going to have to come to terms with that (however you go about doing that is up to you).
    tndsmomma28

    Answer by tndsmomma28 at 7:14 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Simple. Do not give him the option for a mediator or not. Get one. He's not keeping his word on anything. Get the mediator, or get the courts involved. You tried it his way, you tried to do it so it would be easier for HIM. STOP IT! Do what's right for you, what's fair for you. The mediator will make things easier. He's made his mother the temporary mediator, knowing you don't get along with her. Stop doing what's easier for him, he cheated on you! As for your anger, don't try to squash it. It won't go away. It will rear it's ugly head later. I'm sure your mom understands that you didn't mean to take it out on her. I'm sure she knows you are having a horribly difficult time right now. You are her daughter, and she loves you.
    Concentrate on loving your daughter. Just try to not talk badly about your ex in front of her, she will see him for what he is on her own. Vent here if you need to. It won't help to bottle it up.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 7:50 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I would get your child support in writing men move get married that has to done asap. I know your going through alot of pain but you don't have to be freinds.Just respect each other it hurts he has a knew girl friend but you'll find some one better when you are ready to date. Good luck.
    Betutah

    Answer by Betutah at 8:03 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I would worry about you if you DIDN'T have any anger/resentment issues! After all that he's done to you, you have every right to feel as you do. A very dear person once told me "Your feelings are never wrong." So true. Perhaps you would do well at Taebo or boxing to vent frustrations of your ex. You could pretend he was on the other side of your fist/foot! ;) Seriously, though, I, too, think it's time to call a mediator. You can't rely/depend/trust/respect the ex, so it wouldn't be right to go along any further on his smooth little plan of avoidance. I think that once that happens, there will be a little more peace in your heart and head. I'm sorry you have to go through this, but it is a good thing that you have your mom and your DD. Just think of them as your shining lights. :)
    Chocolatespring

    Answer by Chocolatespring at 9:14 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I feel like I could have written this except my MIL lives far away. My ex introduced his gf to my kids before we were even seperated. It made me feel horrible as I didn't know and they are young so they did not understand who she was, but I am nice to him in front of the kids and vent to my friends when the kids are out of ear shot. It is hard to understand or even to want to get used to how things are now. It's been 10 months now and we are really getting back on our feet finally so you will get there. I would say get child support and visitation done through the legal system as soon as possible. In my state it has been 9 months so far and I can't expect it to end for another 3 months. When it's all done I'll feel so much better because right now I have to put up with his rude behavior and mean tempered phone calls, but when visits are set I know ahead when I will have to deal with him and be mentally prepared.
    t3dragonflies

    Answer by t3dragonflies at 9:57 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Child support will be determined by the Court. Just make up a Parenting Plan and present it in Court. If he doesn't agree with it (for visitation, etc) then he can work on negotiating. Just get the CS started. You don't need mediation for that. You can even google a calculator for it for your state
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:59 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

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