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3 Bumps


I was on here yesterday and asked how to help my sister out of her 10 year abusive situation... Well my mom got home today and there was a note that said I have to figure this out myself. AND SHE WENT BACK TO HIM!!!! I can't do this anymore, she has told us how many times he has almost killed her, raped her, he has smashed windows and drug her out by her hair in front of ppl... the whole time she was here (almost a week) she talked all about she is going to better herself and she wants to go speak at schools to help kids and she wants to talk to someone and she wants to go back to school.. blah blah blah... I set EVERYTHING up for her, the group counsling was tonight then sends a text saying she has to do this 4 herself she has to figure things out and she isn't going with me.... I can't do it anymore, I told her i will be here when she is ready to leave for good but I won' t be while she is still there. I am not putting my kids through this. My son is upset because he hears she was back there again. He has heard this guy go off and scream through the phone at other ppl and has seen how mean he is, he is scared of him and seen how he treats his aunt. I am done I can't do it anymore...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:47 PM on Nov. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • get evidence of the abuse, next time he hits her or does anything cal the police and you personally press charges against him. SOmetimes women in the situation are to scaared to do it alone..

    Answer by Claudiomom at 7:50 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • You can't help someone who isn't willing to help themself, period. As much as you love her, and as much as you care for her, there isn't anything you can do unless she's willing to move on. Just continue to let her know you'll be there when she's ready, show support and continue to love her. Don't give up on her, she may just need to know that she has you for support to get her through it all for when she's definately ready to leave. Good luck. My prayers are with you.

    Answer by AtHomeMommy-3 at 7:53 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Go to the police station. I think they can press charges themselves. Gather evidence yourself. Get some proof, like pictures of bruises. If you witness abuse again, call the police. Tell them what you witness, all of it. Past and present. Ask them to press charges. Just be ready for her to be very angry with you. And all the rest.
    Or you can just find some really large men to beat the hell out of him. I like that idea better myself.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 7:53 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I totally understand people who are in abusive realationships really sometimes don't want to leave they take so mucho they gave that man so much power they don't know how to be themselves again. You did the best you could do because you set up help and listened. She is a grown woman now she has to either take the help or stay in that pain. Just tell her you support and she call you but you don't want her to ask for any more help this unless she is for real because you are drained and tired od her bringing herself down.And can't wacth it. Good Luck.

    Answer by Betutah at 7:54 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I answered your ? from yesterday and i am so sorry to hear this. I know that this is so painful for you but you have done all you can mama. Remain strong there is still hope.

    Answer by iluvmykidsxoxo at 7:56 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Women escaping an abusive relationship love their abusers. They also feel scared, alone, misunderstood, judged by society, and usually have self esteem lower than any snail as a result of the emotional abuse they have faced for years. Abusers will threaten them, their children, their families and anything else that they hold dear to keep control over them. It is not as easy to walk away as people thing, trust me I did it. After 10 years of being physically, emotionally and sexually abused the only thing that kept me away is I was finally more scared of going back than I was of staying away.
    Be there for your sister, she needs someone in her corner. Hug her, tell her you love her, and when she is ready to get out, you would walk through hell to get her. Remind her of the woman she was before him, and that no matter what she is worth MORE! Hugs honey!

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:57 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • You can NOT help someone who doesn't want the help. IF he abuses her IN FRONT of you, then call the cops. She is right, SHE has to do this HER way and in HER time. Hopefully, she gets out for good before it's too late.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 7:59 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Unfortunately...this to an extent is like and addiction. The addict won't get help until THEY are sick and tired of being sick and tired. Again, it's unfortunate because a lot of addicts don't get to that point and it kills them. It's the same cycle with battered women...they don't see it and the abuser ends up killing them. You cannot put your family in that kind of danger...for no one...not even your sister because when someone that abusive wants his way, he doesn't give a shit who else gets hurt. Listen, I live in Miami...a few month ago, a guy killed his girlfriend in the parking lot of the small restaurant she worked at and then proceeded to go in and shot 7 women...killing 4 of them and leaving the other 3 critically injured. He then shot himself in the parking lot. Don't let your family be caught in the crossfire...for NO ONE!!!

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 8:00 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I hope for you sake that she get out before its too late. Let her now that you will help when and only when she is ready but you can't put your kids through this if she isn't willing to get out of the situation. Good Luck and I hope your sister get out of this soon.

    Answer by pbilotti at 8:01 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • i have been in your sisters shoes and it is hard i felt alone when it happened cos i couldnt turn to my family but one day i had had enough and i held a knife to his throat and said if he touches me again i would kill him, now he is dead gonna be 5years dec 15th he died of cancer in the end, i pray that your sister will soon have the courage to get out. my prays are with you all

    Answer by angelbaby1323 at 8:03 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

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