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4 Bumps

what can the court do about this?

I hope it is ok, but I am posting for a friend who is in this situation and doesn't know what to do. So she just has a baby girl 5 weeks ago. Her ex (who walked out when she was 21 weeks pregnant) filed for visitation with the infant. Here is the problem, the baby was born premature (only a few weeks but she is pretty small) and is supposed to be be fed every 2 hours (but that is timed from the start of the first feeding tilll the start of the next so if it takes the baby 1/2 hour to nurse then she is really starting every 1 1/2 hours) Anyway she is breastfeeding and the baby cannot take formula. They tried about 6 different formulas in the NICU and she couldn't keep any of them down do the doctor said strictly breastmilk (which she was planning on doing anyway). My friend developed mastitis(a horrible breast infection that makes you feel like you are going to die) from pumping breastmilk with a pump instead of latching the baby on because the baby had a hard time latching on at first. Well because of that her he OBGYN said that she can no longer pump breastmilk and the baby has to latch on (which she is doing nicely now). The problem is, she can't figure out what the court is going to do about visitation since at least until 6 months, the child can not be away from her mother (IMO, that is the natural way of things). Has anyone ever heard of a stiuation like this? She has notes from both her baby's doctor and her OBGYN stating all of this. She said she is worried that they might try to make her let him have the visits in her house around the feedings. I told her that since it is her house, I don't think the court can order that. I thought they might say that they meet in public somewhere for him to spend time with the baby but she says that she will not breastfeed in public (I think she needs to get OVER that, and yes she is sitting right here reading this lol). Has anyone heard of this happening, what did the judge do?

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JLS2388

Asked by JLS2388 at 9:03 PM on Nov. 30, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 25 (25,280 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Is there a GAL for the child. If so, get him/her informed of all this. Get the GAL on her side. Judges usually accept the recommendation of the GAL.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:10 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I don't know about any of the other stuff but about the breastfeeding in public...I agree with your friend...I couldn't do it either. I tried and just couldn't and when I see other women do it, it turned my stomach. Breastfeeding is a very private and personal thing and it should be as public as having sex in public is. Just my opinion...I already know half of you are going to rip my head off over this.
    ShouldHaveLeft

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 9:10 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • I think she needs to get over it. I don't see any judge not allowing the father visitation on the grounds that the mother breast feeds, otherwise all moms with a**h*** dad would breast feed. I understand he's an a**, I've been there before myself. But the judge will give him visitation wherever that may be she must comply or she could lose her rights. The only way I see a possible way out is if he refuses to pay child support, with some of those a**h*** men you can have them sign their rights away so they won't have to pay child support, it would be a trade off but something to think about. Good luck!
    jnd951999

    Answer by jnd951999 at 9:14 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • shouldhaveleft, i put that mostly so no one would say, meet out in public because for her that wouldn't be a option. I joke with her cause I did it IN LINE AT DISNEY WORLD STANDING UP lol (though I did use a blanket and everything was covered lol) Anyway I thought I would be like that but I just got used to it, to each her own
    JLS2388

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 9:14 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • hmm, you didnt say anything about a restraining order so Im thinking that the judge might very well set up a time and place for them to meet so he can visit with the baby. The judge will probably ask the mother to decide on the place and time. Maybe at Grandmas house, maybe at a trusted friends house...not necessarily in a public forum. She might have to provide documentaion to the judge from the dr explaining that baby is a premie and cant be away from momma, and that the feedings are such and such times apart. The judge will set up a visitation schedule around this. Thats if he fights it, which he might if he doesnt get to see her ever. Good luck. Consult an attorney is something else she should be doing!
    beyondhopes

    Answer by beyondhopes at 9:14 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Well if she has the proof from the doctors they can not make her leave the baby, however they will most likely have them talk to a mediator and see what can be worked out between them whether it is visiting at her house, or her bringing the baby to his house and staying there. They will also probably want the doctors to say how long she has to have the baby latch on and things like that. If the two can not come up with an agreement the judge will make the best decision possible with the information given and decide. Are the two married? If not, did the father sign a volunteer paternity paper stating he is the father with out a paternity test? Again if not to the last question, was a paternity test done yet that proved he was the father? If none of this has happened, the technically until it is done he has no rights to the baby, he would first have to establish paternity either through a test or voluntarily, until

    sheloveearth

    Answer by sheloveearth at 9:16 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • jnd951999, its not that she just wants to breastfeed, she has to, the baby can't take formula and the doctor said not to try it anymore because the baby is small and kept losing weight when they tried a bunch of them in the NICU.
    JLS2388

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 9:16 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • that happens it is not mandatory for the courts to allow visitation. Also if it was established, then it is not required to allow visitation until child support is being paid as well. I hope this helps if you have any more questions message me and I will try to help more.... good luck.
    sheloveearth

    Answer by sheloveearth at 9:18 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • sheloveearth, he signed to it, though they have never been married, there was no question that the child is his. He said he wants the baby at his house to be around his family because they live like 45 min away. She said she will not go to any of his family member's houses and none of her family will let him into their houses (she lives with her parents while she gets back on her feet because he had to be on bedrest from 18 weeks till she has the baby so she couldn't work)
    JLS2388

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 9:21 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

  • Well until he pays child support they don't have to allow visitation, if he is paying, then there is no way the court can say he can't see that child. If the can't agree together on visitation, then the judge will decide and she will have to abide by that
    sheloveearth

    Answer by sheloveearth at 9:28 PM on Nov. 30, 2010

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