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Awkward, gross, abortion related and TMI..-posted other places- adult content

I think I may have an abortion fetish. I've masturbated about 4 times to the thought of having an abortion, and while I've been pro-life most of my life I would love to have an abortion.have an abortion. I have 2 children as a single mom, though I do have a steady boyfriend. I have had 2 miscarriages, one at 10 weeks, one at 14 weeks, but I felt immense amounts of grief, then I realized when I was reading someones abortion story how much it aroused me. I'm very confused and would appreciate no harsh judgments, but understand that it's human nature to do so, but any advice or resources would be appreciated.

I do see a psychiatrist, and whenever I discussed this with her, she told me to actually consider having an abortion at a safe level of pregnancy and in a medical setting to 'get it out of my system', but I struggle with the guilt I may or may not feel in doing so..I however, can not have an orgasm during sex anymore unless I'm thinking about having an abortion of the baby that, even on birth control, the sex could lead to. I' highly embarrassed by this, so embarrassed that cafemom admin can see who I am even though I'm private, I just needed some advice. Thanks.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:18 AM on Dec. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • REPORT THE TROLL.
    CarriePM

    Answer by CarriePM at 5:08 AM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • I'm absolutely not a troll. Thanks though.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:30 AM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Ok, first, you need a new psychiatrist. An abortion, even one done at a medical facility can be harmful to a woman's reproductive system. Even if you're not considering having anymore children it can cause scarring on the uterus that can lead to other issues later on down the road. If you are wanting to have other children it can mean you wont be able to carry one to term and increase your chances of miscarriages.
    Second, consider what it is about the abortion that seems to turn you on so much. Is it the thought of other women going through a similar circumstance that you did with your miscarriages (kind of a misery loves company thing) or the idea of a dr using wicked looking instruments on you. I'm not bashing, I'm trying to offer ideas for why you may be feeling this way by starting with what it is that's attractive.
    Skipo510

    Answer by Skipo510 at 5:38 AM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • I think it's more or less the woman making the decision and going through the idea of such prominent gesture taken so lightly.

    That life has such a presence but is so easily discarded and uncared for.

    Well..that's peculiar to come out..
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:41 AM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Also consider if there was some sort of catalyst around the time you started having these feelings that may have triggered this. A death in the family, a recent miscarriage or birth, cheating spouse/bf, etc.
    Regardless I hope you don't take your psychiatrists advice and you really should find one who's more interested in diagnosing why you're having these feelings b/c if there is some underlying issue, getting an abortion isn't going to 'get it out of your system'
    Skipo510

    Answer by Skipo510 at 5:41 AM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • So from what you just responded it sounds like the real turn on isn't the abortion itself but more the sheer power behind such a decision. From that I would venture a guess to say that most of the time you feel rather powerless in your own life. Sometimes trapped by your responsibilities as a single mom and girlfriend. Probably since this started or perhaps for a while before hand you've felt kind of in a rut or like your life isn't really your own but belongs to your children??
    ??
    Is that at all close
    Skipo510

    Answer by Skipo510 at 5:51 AM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Not really! The power thing I read and contemplated for a second before continuing, I may bring that up to my psych. BTW, to all who are telling me she's a quack, we've discussed this over several weeks before she made her assessment. She's been my psych since I was 10, she's absolutely phenomenal, highly qualified and cares about her patients.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:52 AM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • But I don't feel my children run my life! We have such a laid-back and carefree approach! My boyfriend and I are doing great, I've not spoken with him about this issue, but he's very supportive and loving. The same as the rest of my life! I have a great job and am generally happy with events that happen on a day to day basis! I've dealt with bi-polar type II and major depression most of my life, but I'm not on medication, nor will I be by the medical opinion of several doctors. But I'm really happy!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:56 AM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • I'm not saying she's a quack. I can guarantee she is WAY more qualified that probably anyone on here, and obviously knows you better than any of us. But an abortion can be a very harmful and dangerous procedure. Admittedly it doesn't always cause physical/psychological issues but more often than not it does. I can't imagine that it would be a good solution for whatever your problem is.
    My best guess is that its the idea of the power behind such an act, perhaps coupled with the fact that you consider it taboo (from another post) would be what really turns you on about it. But again, I don't know you or what you've gone through your whole life like your therapist does. And I am certainly not qualified in any way to be diagnosing psychological disorders or anything like that. But I hope you consider ALL other avenues before going ahead w/ your psych's recommendation including getting a 2nd opinion.
    Skipo510

    Answer by Skipo510 at 6:01 AM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • It couldn't hurt to get the opinion of another therapist. I think that should be your first step to perhaps get some fresh eyes on the situation. Other than that I can't think of anything helpful, but good luck!
    Xynyth

    Answer by Xynyth at 7:38 AM on Dec. 1, 2010

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