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How can I help my 9 year old change her bad attitude? She does not respect me. She is very hateful to me.

My 9. Year old told me to " shut up" what is the best way to deal with her disrespect? In public or elsewhere with other adults she is sweet and well behaved. However, she a totally different child with me. Other adults she is in contact with are shocked when I mention how she behaves.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:59 AM on Dec. 1, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (10)
  • I took my daughters toys, t.v., even her bed out of her room (a bed is a privilege not a necessity). She slept on the floor for a week and had to earn back everything by doing manual labor. She doesn't have an attitude anymore.  Tough love sucks but if it's not nipped in the bud right now you will have a monster on your hands come teen years.


    Answer by luvmygrlz at 6:04 AM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • what do you do currently? what disciipline do you use? if she just constantly has a nasty atitidue start taking away things she takes for granted. even go so far as to strip her room of everything but essentials in clothing, bedding and NOTHING ELSE. make her earn things back and learn to respect how good she has it.

    Answer by katiPeas at 6:05 AM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • You punish disrespectful behavior each and every single time. If you let her get away with it at all, it will continue. It really is important to get a handle on this now, or it will only get worse.

    Answer by justnancyb at 8:06 AM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • You should have put a stop to it from day one!! you have allowed this and now it will be harder, but take away privileges and ground her! until she stops!

    Answer by older at 9:28 AM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Displine-

    Say what you mean and mean it... Give her rules...

    I am working on that now, my daughter won't tell me to shut up but she tries to not do chores, and gets an attitude.... Blahhhhhhh....

    Good luck!!!! I know the feeling....

    Answer by KFree907 at 10:04 AM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • I was having this iue last year with my 9 year old. I did stand my ground with her but what worked best was spending more time with her. One on one quality time where it was me and her curled up watching a movie or going to the mall. I think mine just wanted my attention.

    Answer by bjane01 at 10:12 AM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Having lived thorough this I found instead of trying to avoid her dirty mouth I would say stuff like "did you mean to sound so nasty to me?" if she did then she was made aware of it. Then I would say " try not to be so mean I am human and I have feelings and that hurts".. Sometimes I don't think they really understand what it means or how it sounds to the other person.
    I also would take my kids out to lunch just me and them, I would try to forge a relationship with them. I would ask questions and listen, and listen some more. When they want to talk encourage them. Those moments are far and few between. Try to take a deep breath and let some stuff slide. Worst comes to worst send her off to a different part of the house than your in other wise you may kill her. I send my kids off to their bedrooms when I was making dinner. It is a tough time but you can make it through.

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 12:58 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • I have a niece who is 9 I know it is not really the same as her beginning my daugther but she shows no respet to other adults inluding her mother she use to mouth to me but I niped it in the butt from day one when she tried it I told to her things together cause it was summer break and she been staying their for a week because she was going home and was not allowed to come back to my house till she learned to show me at all times and she got she tryed it one time after that and that time I will be honest I did not send her home I spanked her and have not had a problem since.

    Answer by Mom2lovingboys at 1:11 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • I think all kids give attitude from time to time. My kids would act up when something was bothering them and I could see through it most of the time. Taking things away from them as punishment certainly won't make them better behaved but angry that you would do such a thing. I think rewarding a child for helping sometimes goes over better than taking things away from them to get them to cooperate. And yelling at them, only works when you do it occasionally.

    Answer by CafeMochaMom1 at 4:19 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • My, she has started early. I would say her hormones are coming on strong. There was an article in Sunday's before last Parade about the raging hormones of a teenager and how the hormones affect their behavior. She will probably start her peroid soon. It may or may not help. She is rebeling and you are the safest one to rebel against. Set age appropiate boundaries and be consistent. She is entering a difficult time for most girls. It is part of growing up. I always sent my DD to her room when she was being hateful but I never allowed TV, telephone, games and whatnot. Her bedroom was for sleeping and doing homework and reading books. She used to slam her door when I sent her there and one day I had had enough so I took the door off until she apologized. I really miss those days. She grew up and her girls have growup. Just be easy on yourself and relax.

    Answer by depressedmom65 at 8:40 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

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