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5 Bumps

How do I get through to my friend?

I have a friend and about 7 years ago, he had met this girl, she seemed nice and all, and my friend gave his virginity to her and not long after that, she cheated on him with his best friend, obviously they broke up. Now 7 years later, he met up with her and is now back together with her, saying that he's aware of her past and he doesn't want to lose her again. I've told him it's a really bad idea for him to get back with her, but obviously he doesn't really care. Should I just let him be with her and let him learn his lesson? What should I do to let him know he's making a huge mistake, if anything? Would you give someone another chance after they cheated on you even years later? To everyone who responded, thank you and everyone has a valid point. I did word a part of my question wrong: I was coming from a place of frustration, and helplessness, not to mention extreme concern for my friend. He is a big boy and will do what he's will do, no matter what. You're right, when someone already has their heart set on something, there's nothing anybody can do to change their mind. I absolutely do believe that people can change, in fact a lot of people do change over the years and for the better. I just know that my experiences with giving someone who's cheated on me a second chance have been disastrous to say the least and I was wrong to think that he'll go through the same thing. I really do hope she's changed and that this time, it'll work out with them, because I want to see him happy and he absolutely deserves to be as happy as possible!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:27 AM on Dec. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • You already gave your opinion. Let it go so it doesn't end up ruining your friendship with him.

    Christine0813

    Answer by Christine0813 at 11:29 AM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • You really can't do anything, and if you try to, the odds are you're just going to hurt your friendship with him. He said he remembers the past, he's making a choice. All you can do is wish him well....hope for a great outcome, and if it doesn't work out be there for him. Who knows, maybe she has grown up and it will work out.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:29 AM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • I dont think you can make him not be with her. Let him know that you concerned about him and this whole issue, that you fear she might cheat on him again. One a cheater always a cheater.
    LittleBirdFly

    Answer by LittleBirdFly at 11:30 AM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Let him learn his lesson
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 11:32 AM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • I'd like to know how you'd phrase this in a respectful manner. Because it reads like:

    'Hey, buddy, you're a total idiot so I'm going to tell you how you should live because I know you're too stupid to cope.'

    First off, you have no way of knowing he is making a mistake, much less a big one. You're assuming that in 7 whole years of experience and personal growth, this woman is the same immature, insecure twit she was then... and will always be. Which doesn't bode well for your personal development, I have to say. If you think people are 'stuck forever' in whatever behaviour they had when they were 14 or 22 or whatever, you're seriously lost.

    You are also assuming that you can accurately see into the future, and you know exactly what is going to happen. Some people do actually make mistakes, only to discover it makes them feel awful so they stop. Lots of happily married people had complications early on that they got over.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 11:34 AM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • You can't do anything except for just be his friend when and if he needs you. Seven years can be a lot of growing years and maybe she's changed a bit, who knows? The more you try and get involved, the more he's going to shut you out.
    amybaby_19

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 11:35 AM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • I don't think there is much you can do other than be there for your friend when he needs you. sad

    bratgirln1

    Answer by bratgirln1 at 11:58 AM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Your question "should I let him".... You have no choice to let him or not let him. He has made up his mind. So stop meddling and just be his friend. When your attracted to someone that trumps all things your friends say about the person.
    So stop and stop now or you will be pushing him away. He is a big boy and can make his own decisions and mistakes.
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 12:10 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • People can change and they can grow up, so I would let him be with and just stay out of it. You have already told him what you think.
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 12:38 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

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