Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Someone gets mad at you for being mad at them

Does anyone know someone who gets mad at you when you are mad at them? So instead of the other person apologizing or acknowledging what they did, they reverse it and act mad toward you. I don't get mad often, but if something does bother me, I will tell the other person: co-worker, husband, friend, etc., and get it off my chest. I may expect a conversation afterward or even an apology, but my cousin likes to get mad at me for getting mad at what I brought up that was bothering me. I don't know how to handle this.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:26 PM on Dec. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • Oh, my DH is just like that. Drives me batty. Just leave it alone and they will get over it.

    Answer by Candi1024 at 1:27 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • my husband does this

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 1:27 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Its because they don't want it to seem like their fault, so they try to turn it around on you so you apologize for something you didn't do. Some people don't know how to handle things and never think anything is their fault, make sure you clarify that you are not attacking them or pointing fault at them, you are just letting them know that something bothered you.


    Answer by NAT24ROXY24 at 1:28 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • My husband tried it but I picked his whole card . He is from a big family so he knows how to try and get his way.

    Answer by karing4elmas at 1:29 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Hubby

    Answer by wellnessgirl at 1:32 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Karing4elmas: what does that mean, "I picked his whole card"?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:33 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • It's a defensive behavior. Much easier to slip into anger than actually owning one's own choices and behaviors. It's pretty common.

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 1:33 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Aliceinalgonac: So would you say it borders on the immature side?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:35 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • I'm going through that right now with my MIL. She said something to my kids that I did not like and I told her so now she is mad at me! Can you believe that!?

    Answer by mamax4our at 1:36 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • It's a poor coping mechanism, like alice said. It's pretty common. Is it a "mature" way to cope, meaning a well-developed, well-practiced way of coping? No. It's completely maladaptive.

    Answer by Gaccck at 1:56 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.