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i think i made a mistake!

i have been married only 2 n half yrs. i married him in 8 months. i really thought we were meant to be. now i'm not sure i love him! i could live my life without him. i might miss him for awhile but i would get over it. so by what i have said does it sound like i have any love for him. he is a good father but i can't deal with the way he views money and he has been like this ever since we married. thats the thing about not living with someone first is that you don't truly know them until you do. although i wouldn't of lived with him before hand. i'm under to much stress, he is in lala land and i don't see how things would change if i stay and always save us from loosing our house. he just spends like money grows on trees and i go and sell my daugthers play house to make the mortgage. somethings got to give and i think it's me. i'm literally getting ill over all this! i just can't live like this. i'm thinking of asking my ex to leave his wife and i leave my hubby and go to live with him.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:18 PM on Dec. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Ok, slow down. Maybe you don't love this guy, but that doesn't mean you go breaking up another marriage, or trying to break up another marriage. If you think you should leave this guy you are married to, do it. DO it whether previous hubby wants you or not. Personally , I think you should try therapy. A Financial therapist and a family one too.

    dancinintherain

    Answer by dancinintherain at 2:22 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • It's way too soon to give up on your marriage. What you need to do is to stop bailing him out. Don't sell stuff to meet the bills. I know it will be hard but that's what it's going to take to help him grow up and accept responsibility. As long as you continue to rescue him, he will not learn how to manage money. You need to tell him tonight that you are not going to do it any more, that you are willing to help him pay the bills and make decisions, but that if he insists on recklessly spending the money, then he will have to figure out what to do about it. If you lose your home, then it will be his fault. Feelings of love come and go. Acts of love are constant, and your hubby needs some boundaries to be drawn and enforced. I recommend you get a copy of BOUNDARIES IN MARRIAGE by Drs. John Townsend and Robert Cloud. Read it and implement it. You will see changes in your husband and in your marriage.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:25 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • WOW! Sound like you have some soul searching to do!!! If it's not working out with you and your hubby, and leaving is the right thing to do for you and your child then kudos...but,leaving your hubby and telling your ex to leave hisold lady and moving in together sounds like you need to do some hard thinking about life!

    Have you sat hubby down and said...theses are are our monthly expenses..this is how much money we make...and this is how much gets spent the extras!
    mommyrocks5

    Answer by mommyrocks5 at 2:25 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • I think u should live alone for some time see how it goes for u and as for your husband u need to talk to him about his money issues cause u cant be selling your kids stuff cause he is immature with money just don't go moving in with your ex take some time to live alone with your daughter
    cnoble927

    Answer by cnoble927 at 2:25 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Slow down FAST! You cannot go and try and break up another marriage because you are not happy in yours. That's not fair. And it's not right. If you are this unhappy, then get out of the marriage. You don't have to stay. But, have you told him how unhappy you are? Flat out told him? Is it just money issues that's got you feeling this way? Marriage isn't a game, it's hard. I married my hubby in only 2 1/2 months. We fought all the time. But we worked through things. We'll be married 15 years in 19 days. Holy crap. It's coming up soon!
    Ya'll need therapy. Marriage, and financial. HE needs financial counciling most, but it would benefit you both if you went also. But you don't have the right to go and break up someone else's marriage because you don't want to be in yours anymore. So don't do that.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 2:29 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • I agree with NannyB, but I also have to add that you are one messed up woman! "i'm thinking of asking my ex to leave his wife and i leave my hubby and go to live with him." Are you serious? Do you even realize how messed up that would be?
    The reason most marriages end in divorce isn't just because the people are unhappy...its because everyone thinks that they'll just go out and get someone else! Maybe you should look at it like he's you're only option and get that love you felt back instead of moving on to a MARRIED MAN.
    an-apple-a-day

    Answer by an-apple-a-day at 2:31 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Wow, do not jump from one frying pan to the grease fire. If you're gonna leave, then leave but don't involve your ex. Once you do it opens up more wounds and stress, not to mention, he's your EX for a reason. If your husband has such isses with money then put HIM on an allowance. i don't care if he's the bread winner, someone has to put their foot down. If he can't handle that show him the door and tell him you'd be glad to smack him in the a$$ with it if he doesn't straighten up. Take care of you and your child first and foremost, the "men" in your life will either fall by the wayside or admire your strength and you will be much happier!
    VanessaMomof2

    Answer by VanessaMomof2 at 2:57 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • well i agree i shouldn't break a marriage up. i wasn't thinking that far ahead. i know my ex doesn't love her. yes i have told my husband were in dire straights. we looked at budget. he knows were short a 1k each month. he just wants this and that. i have 4 kids not just my daughter. i'm just desperate and i have talked with him about therapy but he doesn't want to do that. if i leave him to pay and handle the money we will not have anything. we will loose the house, van, cell phones, everything. i would rather walk away then put my credit in ruin and put the children through all this. he would learn the hard way for sure but at the expense of the children. that doesn't sound good with me at all.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:14 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • You are upset. You need to calm down, and think things through. If he can't man up, then you don't really have much of an option but to leave. You have to put your kids first, he's not willing to do that. So, you have to go off and do that on your own. Maybe he will get his shit straight, and you guys can work things out later on.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 3:23 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

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