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How do you explain to a 4yr old that mommy just doesn't want to get married?

My daughter is very distraught over the fact that her father and I have no plans on marriage anytime soon. She keeps saying she's sad that she will never be in my wedding and she wont be able to be my flower girl. How do you tell a 4yr old that mommy and daddy are not ready for marriage?


Asked by MoylanMommie2 at 4:23 PM on Dec. 1, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (10)
  • I definitely would not say that mommy and daddy "aren't ready for marriage". Even 4 year olds are bright, yours is an example. Say something like you're not ready for marriage and you might get asked another question you don't know how to answer. Instead of treating her like she is too young to have a clue about anything, you might try asking why she is concerned about you getting married. It sounds a lot like someone put the idea in her head.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:57 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • I'd say, she's 4. You don't have to explain anything to her. Say simply, "Honey, Daddy and I do not want to get married. When we do, we'll let you know. That's enough about that." And send her off to play or so something else. GL!

    Answer by BisketLiss at 4:29 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Right now i feel as if there is no way for her to understand at her age...At this point i would just not feed into the conversation and avoid whatever arises it......She's just to young to understand....

    Answer by ILOVEMYBOYS704 at 4:32 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • I think it's more about being the flower girl right? My dd is gonna be my flower girl when i get married in March and that is all she talks about. Promise her that when you do get married, she will be your flower girl and maybe get her a new pretty dress

    Answer by JLS2388 at 4:40 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • A 4 year old know that much about weddings? Truthfully it is none of her business if you marry or not. JMO. Stop talking to her about it. She is so young she will probably forget in an hour.

    Answer by louise2 at 4:26 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Yea I agreew itht he others this is way beyond her comprehension so just drop it and tell her not to worry that mommy and daddy will be there for her no matter what.

    Answer by MarGeee at 4:39 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • All she wants is the party. She has no concept of what marriage is

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 4:41 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • How would she even know about stuff like that? You don't explain things like that to a four yr old that has no concept of what you are talking about.

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:43 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • She knows all about weddings because her daycare teacher planned her entire wedding and included the children in it. I never brought it up to her. Also she is a very smart 4yr old she doesn't forget easily. So sending her to "play" and saying that she will "forger about it in an hour" is an understatement she's been talking about it for months now..

    Comment by MoylanMommie2 (original poster) at 4:54 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Maybe you need to go to her daycare teacher and explain what she has done to your daughter ( putting ideas in her head). Tell her to explain why mommy and daddy do not want to marry and have a big party(wedding).


    Answer by louise2 at 5:41 PM on Dec. 1, 2010