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How can I disconnect my feelings

I've been married for 6 years. It's both mine and my husbands second marriage. His best friend and wife came to our wedding, however, he has made no effort to get together and do things with my husband anymore, but occassionally talks on the phone with him about trivial stuff. I feel I'm the reason, although no one is speaking out loud regarding this. Some indications are, when his friend and wife are in town, they will visit my husbands ex-wife everytime, but not mention to my husband that they are in town until after they've left. Since I do feel like the reason their friendship has dissappeared, how can I best let go of feeling sad for my husband that his best bud is no longer in his life?

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:46 PM on Dec. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Apparently there was more friendship with his ex wife that there was with him, you shouldn't feel responsible. Sometimes when couples split up this is what happens to some friendships, they tend to side with whoever needs the friendship most.

    Answer by older at 7:49 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • It's his bestfriends stupidity and loss. If you husband has made every effort to stay close and you haven't hindered anything, there is no reason for you to feel bad or sad about it.

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 7:50 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Some people are in our lives for a reason and sonetimes for a season. He doesn;t value your husband so why should you care about what his choice is.

    Answer by PEPPERSHAKER at 7:51 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Leave it. They may hold a grudge against your husband, or see his ex as more frail and in need of support or feel he's the villain in the piece or have lost their minds or don't like the colour of your car...

    You have to free them to the 6 billion: people whose opinions you are never going to be exposed to, who have never laid eyes on you and for whom you simply do not exist. The fact that they come to town and don't call is 'okay' with you... why? For whatever reason that is, apply it every time you think of these past friends... then go out and find new people to spend time with so you're too busy to sit around fretting about this.

    Answer by LindaClement at 7:59 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • stop being so concerned about what other people think &do, it is what it is. cease with the guilty martar trip. You can't undo the past, you can only focus on the future. if they were so close, they should still be buddies, it could be the wife that isn't allowing him to be friends again. if it is bothering you that much, write a letter or send an email; state your position; release it to the universe & get on with your life. you have too much time on your hands & more important matters to address. life goes on. he either wants to be friends w/your husband or he doesnt & if he cares so little that he isn't trying to rekindled the friendship - that isn't your problem or fault. you are the only person who thinks in your world & if you want to allow guilt to eat you up and turn you into a victim thats your choice, but get over it! you need to invest that time in your marriage & strengthen the bond with husband focus on that

    Answer by ladyofhonor at 12:21 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

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