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3 Bumps


I asked a question about my 24 year-old daughter a few weeks back. She was pregnant at the time. Well, she had a miscarriage. I am not sure if it's true or not but rumors are floating around that she was using while pregnant. She called me and I returned her call, no return call. I sent her an email, no return email. I just found out she is moving out of state with her 21 year old drug dealer bf in with her paternal grandmother. (I am divorced from her father). My ex MIL has always enabled her and tried to create division between us...from the day she was born. My daughter attempted to live out of state with her on several occasions and it never worked out. They were at each other's throats. The only time I hear from my daughter or MIL is when there is a problem. Ex MIL told my daughter and her ex bf that she should have taken a contract out on me!! Can you imagine? She used to date someone who had connections. (PS she is delusional and a huge control freak). She treats her other grandchild, my son, like crap. I have tried to communicate with ex MIL to get help for my daughter but MIL admits being an enabler and refuses to get my daughter help. I feel helpless and sad. I feel that unless the entire family joins forces to cause an intervention, my daughter will end up either in jail or worse off. I can't even write it. It's too horrible to think about. Any ideas?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:09 PM on Dec. 1, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (8)
  • I am sorry your family has turned out like this, but there is really not much you can do if she is not willing to cooperate, and wants you out of her life.

    Answer by older at 8:14 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Has it occurred to you that your exMIL treats both her grandchildren like crap?

    I would very strongly recommend The Work of Byron Katie --she talks about teen addiction, stepping out of the moralizing/enabling box and being/doing what you can be/do, not what you can't.

    Answer by LindaClement at 8:14 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))). I am so sorry to hear your story. I wish I had a suggestion. You and your daughter are in my prayers.

    Answer by kjrn79 at 8:15 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • sorry about your daughter, My family knows when there is someone hurting another and there is not a thing you can do when they are adults. (my niece is in prison and we hope she will get clean?)

    Just pray that maybe she will see the light and come home and get cleaned.

    Answer by gammie at 8:22 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • This is so awful, I can't imagine the frustration & anxiety you must be feeling. As hard as it may be to hear this, sometimes jail is the best way for an addict to be forced to get clean. Usually the jail term is just long enough to get them clean, and then probation keeps them on track w/ weekly drops. I hope & pray your dau gets her act together. (But plz dont count on the exMIL for any help w/ her) Good luck! (*Hugs*)

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 8:45 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Oh my heart bleeds for you:( There is not alot you can do. Unfortunatley I was the nightmare child and put my mom through similar. As mean as this is gonna sound my mom had to realize I was gonna do what I wanted regardless of how much she loved me and I am pretty sure she had MANY sleepless nights. When it was at its worst she had to let me pay the price for my actions and could not help or enable me, she had to let me fall on my butt and I did. But what I am really writing to tell you is that it can turn around I am now a productive human being with a good heart and finally got it together when I got sick of living house to house doped up and on the streets, you cannot do that for her. In the mean time get some help for your self, pray alot and dont give up hope she will come around with some experience and maturity this life style is only fun for so long. You will be in my prayers

    Answer by scanamey77 at 8:51 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • I am a mom who has a DD that you descibed and no matter what we tried to do she wouldn't listen ( still don't) we finally had to do tough love and cut the safety net that these children know we have. Once I did that my DD figured out slowly that she was on her own. I have full custody of her DD and had since she was born and her son is back and forth with her and the father. I will make sure my grandson has clothes ( which I never see him wear) and toys and food but I will never enable my DD to walk in my house and treat every one like crap and make us feel guilty because of the way she CHOSE to live. We tried to help her gain a better life and she rather live on the streets. My suggestion is cut the strings, worry but know that she will either grow up and see that you love her but you are now displaying tough love, or she will fall. Trust me once they fall they will figure it all out. Good luck and if you need to talk PM me.

    Answer by dana63 at 8:14 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Wow, I'm sorry but there isn't much you can do. Just go on with your life and hope for the best. It's so hard to watch our kids make mistakes but they have to do it.They have to learn from their mistakes. It just takes some kids longer than others

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 8:09 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

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