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my husband slept with a girl more then once,he says its still the same as if he cheated once cause it was the same girl, what do you think?

my husband cheated while we were living together and slept with the same girl 3 times. it was basically a "one night stand" 3 times and he broke it off cause he said he realized he really loved me and she was "just for sex". i didn't know he cheated until after marriage and im finding it hard to get over it cause he went back those 3 times. to me it wasn't just a "one night stand" 3 times. they hooked up after work and were not seing each other any other time except during those 15 minutes to do the deed. i feel disgusted still and get very angry that he didn't tell me. of course i wouldn't have married him if i knew so thats why he says he didn't tell me. whats your opinion?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:42 PM on Nov. 5, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Only you know if he has changed. If you honestly think that you can't get passed it then you need to leave because you will never be able to be true to yourself. You aren't the only one who has to live with it. If he is sorry then he knows how much he had hurt you.. and he lives with that everyday to. . AND THE SAYING"ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER"
    is not true! I cheated over 2 years ago..and to be honest we are better now then we had ever been! I believe everything happens for a reason... life throws little test at you... this is one of them to see how much your relationship can withstand... trust me if you can move on then things will get better.. given he loves you as much as he says he does.. and you can forgive him. You will see how much stronger your love will be!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:22 PM on Nov. 5, 2008

  • i say leave the bastard you deserve better than to be cheated on and as they say "once a cheater always a cheater" my ex proved this many times. you deserve someone who will treat you right and one day when hes with some skank and has a disease he will realise he messed up. but he wont stop if you let him think its ok
    akashaismyworld

    Answer by akashaismyworld at 8:46 PM on Nov. 5, 2008

  • Your husband sounds like an idiot! If you wouldn't have married him for that reason maybe you shouldn't be with him he could cheat on you again. And yes he cheated more than once. Good lord( rolling my eye's)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:46 PM on Nov. 5, 2008

  • Once is a mistake.....Three times is want and lust.......I don't think I would need anything other than that knowledge to kick his butt to the curb.......
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:47 PM on Nov. 5, 2008

  • Uh, you really have to ask this question?? Seriously, get rid of him, he doesn't care and will do it again.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:53 PM on Nov. 5, 2008

  • I agree with the ladies above me. However, I'd give him one more chance since you're married to him. Give him the chance to prove he's changed. After that, if it happens again, kick him to the curb and remind him he had his chance and he proved that he can't be trusted.
    rhope4

    Answer by rhope4 at 8:53 PM on Nov. 5, 2008

  • IM NOT STUPID, I KNOW HE CHEATED MORE THEN ONCE I JUST NEED SOME HELP ON HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS AND WHAT TO TELL HIM WHEN THESE THOUGHTS COME UP. I KNOW HES SORRY CAUSE HES CRIED AND KNOWS THAT I HAVE SERIOUSLY THOUGHT ABOUT DIVORCE. I WENT AS FAR AS STARTING TO FILE ONLINE AND HE FREAKED WHEN HE SAW IS TAKING A WEEK OFF WORK JUST TO STAY WITH ME AND HELP ME GET OVER IT. HES THE TYPE OF MAN THAT IS ALWAYS HOME WITH ME AND SHOWS A LOT OF AFFECTION AND HAS CHANGES SO MUCH SINCE THE TIME HE DID CHEAT. I JUST NEED ADVICE.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:58 PM on Nov. 5, 2008

  • He should have told you from the beginning or since he was being so self centered at the time & married you first, he should of not told you at all. What he did was wrong & shame on him. You have every right to be angry & should be until you decide that he can be trusted or forgiven. You may have not been married but you both had a commitment & he betrayed that. Your husband needs to kiss up until you can get over this or until you know that you can trust him again.

    onespecialmom

    Answer by onespecialmom at 9:02 PM on Nov. 5, 2008

  • ok my first thought was to divorce. But then again, are there underlying problems? Did you guys stop having sex for a while or anything? Or he had cold feet about marriage? I'm not saying what he did is acceptable, but if you think you guys are meant to be and you won't love anyone else more than you love him and vice versa, maybe you should at least "separate." He is trying to be sweet and he did eventually admit it. I think he really loves you, which is why he didn't tell you until AFTER you married. I know I've always said once my hubby cheats, it's over.. but I know its not that easy from experience through other women. Let him know that you are way too hurt to just let it go and you need time away from him to think it over and see if he's still the one you truly want to spend the rest of your life with. "For better or worse."
    sweetvietchic

    Answer by sweetvietchic at 9:04 PM on Nov. 5, 2008

  • He sounds very dishonest and can find a way to justify anything he does. I suggest you reevaluate your situation. I wouldn't have married him either knowing what you know now and him concealing that until after shows his lack of respect. He took away your right to choose for yourself if you could live with his actions.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 9:12 PM on Nov. 5, 2008