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Empty nest...

My son is 22 and is pretty much on his own but we're still close. My daughter turns 17 in January and although I'm being a bit premature about this...I want to know what to expect. I've been with my husband...well by the time she's 18...if we last...it will be 23 years. He cheated on me last year and frankly, I don't know why I'm still here. Anyhow, my daughter has already said that she wants to go out of state for college. She my mall buddy...my little angel...what the hell am I suppose to do with myself? I don't think I can deal with this asshole on my own. I always looked forward to it in the past before he did what he did but now, I can't stand to look at his face but I don't know what I'm going to do without my angel.

 
ShouldHaveLeft

Asked by ShouldHaveLeft at 8:37 PM on Dec. 1, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 23 (16,621 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I would try counseling and talk out your feelings with your husband. If, after you try to re-kindle the flames, the fire is still out then it will be time to focus on yourself and being happy. I have been married for 25 years and we raised 4 sons who are now 18, 20, 22 and 24. Life was so hectic at times w/raising our sons and it would have been so easy to lose ourselves in that aspect of our life. We decided early on that we needed to ALWAYS make time for each other, even if it was an hour a week to just take a walk and re-connect. As our children got older and developed more independent lives we spent more and more time together because we were home alone more. Now, with an emoty nest, it's not a time of awkwardness because we never lost touch. Re-connect with your husband, make time for the two of you, fall in love all over again! Good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:33 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • I guess now I know the why behind your screen name, after the kids are gone you ill be left with just him, and apparently the thought is not a good one. Why not take the opportunity to dump him and start fresh......it is never too late.......
    older

    Answer by older at 8:40 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • If you leave your husband it doesn't mean it is all about dating. There is more to life than men. You have spent many years doing for others now you can take this as an opportunity to do things that YOU want to do. You also still do things with your adult children. I had a very hard time when my dd graduated high school, it was terrible for me, almost like a death. I had spent so many years being the mommy I didn't know what to do when she was all grown up. But we have a great relationship and we talk alll the time and get together to do things. You will still have a relationship with your dd but you will also have the freedom to come and go as you please. That can open up a whole new world for you.
    sue118

    Answer by sue118 at 8:57 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • When our oldest left home I made a News Years Resolution to do more for me. Cause the saying if Mamma aint happy aint nobody happy is toooo true. By the time son left 4 years ago I had school, work, and some clubs that I get "me" time through. Hubby and I have been married over 31 years and still going strong so I didn't have that issue but truly start putting yourself first. Once you learn to value yourself the rest will come.
    emptynstr

    Answer by emptynstr at 10:30 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Well, you can't and don't have to stay with him for your daughters sake. Can you start getting into some kind of activities, book club to start. Go to your library and see if they can hook you up with some local ladies...that will get you some friends or a good friend maybe. I remember when I had my first couple year of college, I was just an hour to an hour and a half away from home and my third year I ended up transfering to the local university a half hour away. Not from being homesick, but the financial aspect. Not saying that will happen. And just because she wants to go out of state doesn't mean it will happen, college is expensive enough! But take care of you right now. Discuss it with your daughter to the extent that's appropriate. Do you work? If not, maybe get even a part time job to start passing your time and meet people? Good luck.
    2BlondeBabies

    Answer by 2BlondeBabies at 8:42 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Do what makes you happy. Find a hobby or do some volunteer work. The thing about kids' leaving home is that a lot of the time these days, they come back for awhile ...and if that happens, they usually have an extra in tow. If your daughter does go out of state to attend college, that could turn into a fun few days vacation for you once in awhile if you can go to visit her.
    meriana

    Answer by meriana at 8:52 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • If you don't want to be with him, this could be your time to go. When she leaves for school, I mean. You don't have to date anyone either. Maybe you will want to later. maybe not. You could make a fresh start in a place near your daughter or in a place in between your children so you could still have fairly easy access to visits with each. She might not even go away to college. She might change her mind and go to community college. Talk to her as graduation gets closer.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 8:56 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Coming from someone who has gone through my SO cheating possibly twice you can learn to love him again. Yes the trust is gone but I'm learning to trust again too. I love him again so maybe you can too.
    preciouschild

    Answer by preciouschild at 10:40 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Ugggg...just the thought of dating again make me sick to my stomach...
    ShouldHaveLeft

    Comment by ShouldHaveLeft (original poster) at 8:42 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

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