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Was I out of line?

with out getting into pages of back story. My brother's have a history of being disrespectful too my mother or ignoring her completely. My youngest brother (after my mother spending the whole weekend getting things nice for his wife's baby shower) called my mom and yelled at her for making plans to come to his house "with out running it by him first" When I talked to my mother she was in tears b/c he was so mean.

So I called him up and told him, I thought he finally was going to be an adult and I guess I was wrong. Not to be disrespectful towards our mother b/c she goes out of her way to do nice things for everyone, and that she was welcome at my house ANYTIME. (there were other words thrown in, but that is the gist of what I said)

My SIL called and said I was a little out of line b/c I should let my brother and my mother work it out. My first thought and it is what I said was F... that. My SIL seems nice (they have been married 1.5 years, so I don't know her that well)

Should I have stepped in and said something, I always do, I have no fear of confrentation, I don't care if they are mad at me, I don't mind being the bad guy. But maybe I should have left it alone?


Asked by Bubbie0809 at 8:54 PM on Dec. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Level 31 (47,643 Credits)
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Answers (9)
  • No way, that is your mommy! You have to stick up for her especially when she won't do it herself! (My mom is like that. I have to step in and be the bitch cause she just isn't like that)

    Answer by Gremlyn1980 at 8:57 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Stick up for your mom no matter what unless your mom then attacks you for confronting him, then don't ever back her again.

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 8:56 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Well, actually you can't make them work it out and you can't make him "behave". It's her place to stand up to him, not yours. And generally, when someone has to ask "was I out of line?". there's more than a good chance that the answer is "yes".
    But it's ok for him to know that you're unhappy with the way he's behaving towards your mother and that you believe it should change. Just don't expect it to happen because you said it should.

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 9:02 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • I think your brother was being totally disrespectful towards your mother.Their child is going to be her Grandchild and why should she have to run everything by him first? I don't blame you one bit for calling your brother on it. Your SIL should stay out of it, she's your mother, not hers. If I had ever did that to my mother, she would have blessed me out.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:27 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • i would have most likely done the same thing i just would have tried to talk to him more then yell at him about it .they might be mad just because of the way you came at them .

    Answer by britme1027 at 8:57 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • See I have a different perspective, I was on the receiving end of a meddling mother and sil. So, I actually feel that you did stick your nose where it did not belong. I am not saying that your brother was lily white either. But, if they have this relationship and your mother keeps enabling them...if that is the case, well, I really just don't think it is your job to police the situation. Your mother is a grown woman and if she didn't raise her sons to be more respectful growing up, how do you expect them to change now. Sorry to say but I think on one hand this is her bed that perhaps she made, she should be able to put her foot down all by herself (and probably should) and last, I think you are crossing boundaries that are going to cause a lot of trouble for you down the road too.

    And, just for perspective's sake...I am extremely close with my own mother, so I can understand why you reacted. I just happen to disagree.

    Answer by spottedpony at 9:04 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • I think your SIL is out of line, and should stay out of it. You stick up for your mom. Your brother is an ass. Is this the SIL your mom spent all that time doing nice things for? If so, then she should knock some sense into her not so Dear Husband.
    I'd stick up for my mom, so no, I don't think you were out of line.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 9:57 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Well, my brother got in the middle of a fight between my mother and myself, and I think he was out of line. He didn't know both sides of the story. My mother is an adult and so am's for us to work out, and has nothing to do with him.

    So, I, of course think you were out of line....she is his mother too, and he may have a totally different relationship with her.

    My boys are 19, 21 & 28. I'm an adult woman, I don't want them to ruin their relationships with each other by stepping into a situation that I might have with one of their brothers to defend me. It's not appropriate, I'm an adult, and even if I cry, I can stand up for myself.

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:20 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • Your heart was completely in the right place but you over stepped your bounds. Your Mom needs to stand up for herself, especially with her own children. My sons know I will call them out if they are disrespectful to me. I am NOT afraid of confrontation, especially not from my own children. Your Mom sounds like she is very sweet but she needs to get mad and take up for herself not you.

    Answer by pnwmom at 12:33 AM on Dec. 2, 2010