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4 Bumps

What do I do? Any advice?

Ok, I'm a regular on here and I don't usually air my laundry, but I really need some sort of advice or something.

I'm kind of upset right now. My husband has works a lot. I mean, sometimes he'll be gone for 15 hours a day. He recently got promoted and has taken on a huge responsibility, and is basically cleaning up the mess of the person he took over for. Things should get better soon, but for the last couple of months, it feels like he's never home. Even on his days off, he constantly has to answer the phone, send e-mails, etc. I'm always on edge, thinking that our plans for the day will be ruined because of his work. He hates being gone too, but it's just what he has to do right now, he says. And I feel so bad for him because he has so much responsibility and is so stressed right now.

I just feel like we're losing our closeness. Do I just try to deal with it, or what? What can I do? Tell him to change careers? Work for someone else? The plus is that he's making even more money, but we doing just fine before his raise. He did not even see our son yesterday! He left before he got up, and got home after he went to bed.

We love each other, no doubt, but how do we adapt to this?

Answer Question
 
LovingSAHMommy

Asked by LovingSAHMommy at 9:24 PM on Dec. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Level 40 (115,957 Credits)
Answers (23)
  • Just hang in there. Wait it out. Hopefully once everything is straightened out work will slow down for him.
    FluffyMamaBunny

    Answer by FluffyMamaBunny at 9:26 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • You just have to remind yourself every day that this is temporary--maybe you will even need to remind yourself several times a day. And you encourage your husband that it's only temporary, too. Jobs are hard to come by right now, so remind him that you are proud he has a good-paying one, that you miss him and will be glad when he can slow down just a bit. And that time will come. This pace won't last forever.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:29 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Try to set aside an hour or two (if it can be managed) to just be with each other and talk. Have dessert together or play a game. Tell him you need one cell phone and email free hour once a week. Even with things that need handled quickly, usually one hour isn't that big of a deal. Hang in there, this most likely won't last forever.
    rhianna1708

    Answer by rhianna1708 at 9:29 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • So, if he's gone 15 hours, what are you doing the other 9?

    It's a bit... I don't know, is it petty or needy?... selfish? Whatever... it's unsupportive to expect your husband to change careers because you're bored and lonely.

    If it were important to you to have your husband a key part of your son's life, you'd arrange your family schedule so that 'whenever' dad's available, so's the kid. So, not putting him to bed at 7 'because that's when kids this age are supposed to sleep...' or whatever silly rule makes it so the status quo interferes with their time together. You can nap the next day --you can both nap while dad's working. You can't socialize with him while you're sleeping.

    Meet him for lunch. Get up for breakfast with him. Meet him for dinner --even at his work is better (more togetherness is more) than sitting at home whining.

    Which is more important to you, really?
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 9:34 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Count your blessings honey! Do you know how many women would kill to have a husband who is willing to work at all? Not to mention that he is working exceptionally long hours to build a better future for you and your child! Just tell yourself everyday how proud you are of him; and find little ways to show him how much you love him for working so hard! He has already told you that it won't be forever-it's only temporary! Be happy that he is sleeping in your bed at night! Think about all the young men who are deployed whose wives and families never get to see them and aren't even positive that they will ever see them again! I am sorry but you are kinda acting like a spoiled brat! Quit being so selfish and look around you!
    MamaAlice54

    Answer by MamaAlice54 at 9:38 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • It is definitely hard. I just recently had to adapt to this too. My DH started working odd hours anywhere from 3pm to as late as 1 or 2 in the morning. He sleeps most of the day and leaves for work right before the kids get home from school. It's very hard to get used to. We definitely cherish Sundays when he has a day off, so that we can all spend time together as a family. My oldest (4y/o) took it very hard at first, she definitely misses him a lot and is having trouble with separation anxiety. :-( I'm hoping it will get a little easier sometime soon. Good luck to you and your family :)
    sugaree

    Answer by sugaree at 9:39 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • I totally understand how you feel. While yes, working is important to bring in the money, so is family. No one ever died wishing they had spent more time at work or worked more overtime. My fiance works a swing shift (one month he works first shift and the next he works second shift and then it switches month to month) so one month I'll see him every night and the next I will only see him on weekends. We do it because we need the money, but it is draining on us. We are together because we love each other and have a family together, not to be co exhisting in a house together, but sometimes you gotta tough it out. While the money is good for him he is going to get another job where we can be together more as a family, because our family time is important to us. Until he gets another job I'd find little ways to see him, like visit him on his lunch break if you are able or get up early to see him off to work and then lay back down
    worriedmommy600

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 9:47 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • My husband has an odd work schedule. He works 12 hours a day for 7 days straight and then has 7 days off. He also takes classes, so by the time his off week is here, he is extremely tired and will sleep all day after he gets home from class and then stays up all night. On his work week, we get to see him for about 30-45 minutes a day and on his off week, about 1-1 1/2 hours a day. Anyways, I know what you are going through. I find that it is best to "steal" any seconds, minutes, etc that you can. For example, tonight instead of packing his lunch to take with him, I told him I would bring it to him. We got to see him for about 2 minutes and he was able to get about a 3-4 minute break. It's only 2 minutes but those 2 minutes counted. Also, because we don't get to talk much, I find myself either forgetting to tell him something or bombarding him with loads of information when he first gets home. Cont...

    JeremysMom

    Answer by JeremysMom at 9:49 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • Cont.. I found that it works best if I jot down things I need to tell him and then prioritize them as to their importance level. That way, I tell him what he needs to know without overloading him when he gets home. Good luck!

    JeremysMom

    Answer by JeremysMom at 9:50 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

  • So, if he's gone 15 hours, what are you doing the other 9?

    It's a bit... I don't know, is it petty or needy?... selfish? Whatever... it's unsupportive to expect your husband to change careers because you're bored and lonely.

    If it were important to you to have your husband a key part of your son's life, you'd arrange your family schedule so that 'whenever' dad's available, so's the kid. So, not putting him to bed at 7 'because that's when kids this age are supposed to sleep...' or whatever silly rule makes it so the status quo interferes with their time together. You can nap the next day --you can both nap while dad's working. You can't socialize with him while you're sleeping.

    Meet him for lunch. Get up for breakfast with him. Meet him for dinner --even at his work is better (more togetherness is more) than sitting at home whining.

    Which is more important to you, really? "


    Wow, how can you be so mean? cont..
    LovingSAHMommy

    Comment by LovingSAHMommy (original poster) at 9:52 PM on Dec. 1, 2010

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