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2 Bumps

what iss the role of the step mother at a wedding?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:18 AM on Dec. 2, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (14)
  • Traditionally there isn't one, because traditionally there aren't step mothers. The mothers and the fathers are meant to come together in honor of their child regardless of their relationship status. However, in more modern times many brides or grooms wish to include their step parents as well. If we're talking SMother of the bride, she can share in the responsibilities of the brides mother. Planning parties, removing the veil and of course escorting the father. If we're talking SMother of the groom, she can share in Mother of the Groom responsibilities, having or sharing a mother son dance with the groom, escorting the father or brother of the groom and other things. For my couples I tend to suggest that they try and split up responsibilities equally and share things like dances and such as equally as possible between bio and step parents. However each couple/wedding is going to have different needs.
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 12:24 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • I think it depends on the relationship between the step parent and step child. My MIL came into my life when I was 18, and we've never gotten along, and I didn't have her as a part of my wedding (she's a straight up self centered bitch). My brother, who is 6 years younger than I, had her and our mom walk him down the aisle. I think it just depends on what the bride and groom want. Respect their wishes, and let them dictate how to handle it.
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 3:13 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • Really there isn't one. If you are the step mother, I would suggest that you plan on just comming as a normal guest and if you are asked to do anything special then great but if not don't be offended. If you expect a special role, you may make it awkward for your step child who may just want their mother to do the traditional role alone (since she is the mother). Also remember that the mother has prob been looking forward to this day for a long time and she prob didn't plan on sharing her role. The mother (and step father) should take the first seat (s) in the ceromony Your husband should be in the third and you the fourth. Are you the step mother of the Bride or Groom? Of course if the mother is not around or has passed away, then you will prob step in her place (unless your step child asks someone else, say their grandma or someone to take the role.)
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 4:20 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • I do have a suggestion for you. Traditionally, the mothers of the bride and the groom are not supposed to throw a bridal shower. If one of them is, obviously don't point that out but if no one has offered yet, why not offer to throw the bridal shower? This may be awkward since you will be inviting the women in your husband's ex's family as well as his ex, but if it is something you can handle it would be a lovely gesture. Howerver I would call your step child's mother and make sure she isn't planning on doing it. Remember weddings can make people crazy, even in the best of families, so try to make sure that you don't step on any toes.
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 4:26 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • stand next to the father of the bride and smile unless the bride asks her to do more
    mamak57

    Answer by mamak57 at 10:36 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • My cousin's step mother was just a regular guest at the wedding. Me and her sister helped her get ready, and her Mom helped us set up the decorations and food. So there really wasn't a traditional role for any one. StepMom was in the family picture standing beside her Dad. I'd just offer assistance, but don't get upset if she doesn't have any thing for you to do.
    Mrs.B3

    Answer by Mrs.B3 at 11:26 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • And don't be hurt if you are asked not to be in all the pics, it might hurt but try to understand that they will prob want a couple pics with just the parents of the bride and groom with the bride and groom in the middle. My aunt went through this, I guess that's why I have so much to say about it. She is normally a very sweet person but she got so upset that her SD didn't want her to share the mother of the bride role with her mom. She flipped when she found out that her husband AND his ex wife were walking their dd down the isle together and she left the room in a huff when she was asked to step out of the pics after they had only taken a few. Now she is so embaressed by her behavior, she gets red everytime someone talks about the wedding, like I said she is usually a very sweet and kind person but I think jelousy got the best of her, dont' let it happen to you, though your situation may be different
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 1:18 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Depends on what the bride wants her to do.
    Shanna84

    Answer by Shanna84 at 10:49 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Whatever the couple wants it to be.
    ErinHill226

    Answer by ErinHill226 at 6:48 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • I think it all depends on the interpersonal relationships within the family dynamic. 1) Does the bio mother have a good or bad relationship with the step mother and ex husband and family? 2) What are the roles and or expectations of each other? 3) Would the bio mother feel that she either wants or doesn't want step mother involved? Each situation is different.
    twinkletoes0408

    Answer by twinkletoes0408 at 11:19 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

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